Family Movie Puns

this was years ago, I had forgotten until it came up in conversation today. when Finding Nemo came out on DVD most of us hadn't seen it, and my oldest sister was home from her first year in college. my mom gets all excited to have a Disney movie night for old time's sake and makes a big deal about it.

so we all get settled with popcorn and all, and the movie begins. if you haven't seen it, the first scene is a bit tragic... to refresh people's memory, a barracuda attacks the soon-to-be parents and eats the mom and unhatched eggs. this is probably less than 5 minutes into the movie.

it's dead quiet in the house as Marlin swims around yelling for his mate and looking in the now empty spot where their eggs were hidden. He sees the lone surviving egg on the ocean floor and swims to it. honoring his deceased mate's wishes, he names his only child "Nemo"

instantly my dad stands up, turns off the TV and says "Ha! I found him! that was fun." and walks away.

tl;dr: my dad beat the whole family in a game of "Finding Nemo"

So my family and I were at a restaurant and my mom wanted a photo of us. She asked a waiter if we could take a picture, and after the waiter said yes, my dad said "we'll take this one" and pointed at a photo on the wall...

After a few hours of debate, no one was willing to concede, and it was decided that a vote must be held. Unfortunately, with so few friends present, it was clear that they would need to bring the vote to the greater public. The group decided that each friend would make a plea to the subreddit of their choice, and whoever received the most karma for it would win.

Adam, already undecided himself, decided to go to /r/AskReddit. He laid out the agreement, and asked that everyone vote one their favorite movie, and the one with the most votes he would use for the his friends. Unfortunately, as the votes were split in that sub, his highest post amounted to a mere 38 points.

Paul, a big proponent for the Toy Story franchise, posted to /r/nostalgia in the hopes that everyone who grew up with Toy Story would agree. Unfortunately, as there had been two sequels (with a third on the way) it wasn't exactly considered "nostalgia" and he got downvoted into oblivion.

Bill, who loved Monsters Inc., made his case using some trickery. Going to /r/news, he found a seemingly unrelated post, and made a top-level comment describing, in great detail, why Monsters Inc. was the greatest film of all time. The fact that the post was so out of context made everyone flock to it, and drew enough attention to new him over a thousand fake internet points.

Mike, who loved the Incredibles movies, decided to stay in his wheelhouse. Over the course of several hours, he created each of the family members from the Incredibles in Soulcaliber VI. Finally, he photoshopped the family together, and posted it to /r/gaming. Under normal circumstances this would have skyrocketed to the top, but the format was stale, and thus only received 20k karma. Still, Mike was confident in his victory.

While the other four friends came up with plans on how to maximize their karma gains, Chris sat silently. For hours he sat, making no posts, coming up with no original content. Finally, an hour before the deadline, he broke into his neighbor's house, stealing his copy of the Pixar movie "Up". He took a picture of his theft and posted it directly to /r/dadjokes with the title "STOLEN".

When the group got together the next day to see who got the most votes, everyone was in awe. Chris's post had over 40,000 points. "How did you know that would win?" "Easy," Chris replied. "Everyone knows stolen content on /r/dadjokes gets all the Up votes."

If your onion sang hip-hop, would that be a rapscallion?

I used to be an astronaut, but I got tired of eating out of satellite dishes. I wasn't allowed to eat the Milky Way, even though I had to look at it every day. The worst thing was, I never got to visit The Space Bar. Then, when I was visiting the dark side of the moon, I was bitten by a parasite. Now, you might think it's crazy, but the doctor who removed it called it a lunar-tick.

If "womb" is pronounced "woom" and "tomb" is pronounced "toom", shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced "boom"?

China recently tested a new steroid. It basically turns you into The Hulk. The side effect is it could turn you into a crazed zombie that tends to rip the upper extremities from people. People are saying that this could be the zombie apocalypse. In my opinion, lips have nothing to do with it. I call it ARMageddon. The only way to stay safe now is to not let anyone close enough to disarm you.

I recently was going to join the railroad union. I decided against it because it's complicated. If I received instruction on driving the locomotive, would they call it engineering, or training?

I got a sad story about a flower. I don't know who the heck she pissed off, but damn, now she's a Black-Eyed Susan.

I finally figured out what makes leaves angry. Fall. They get so mad they change color. Some are yellow. They're just afraid and run from their problems. The other ones usually just leave.

I went parachuting with my military buddies once. We landed on a department store. I told him I think we're at the wrong coordinates. He said: "Nope. We're right on Target"

I asked a psychologist if Native Americans have strong emotions. He said "Oh yeah, they're intense".

If a psychotic person thought something made sense, would that thought be psychological?

If Matt Damon were searching for a secondhand store, would he be Goodwill Hunting?

My friend is a Marksman for the military. One day, he went to the armory and asked for 3 snipers. They gave him a candy bar. It was a 3 Musketeers.

I want to be there if Dwayne Johnson ever uses a pizza stone. That way I can smell what "The Rock" is cookin'.

Christopher bought a lemon, and the car broke down. Now Christopher Walken.

Have you heard about the latest bank battle on Wall Street? Capital One and Chase got in a fight and Capital One.

You know what a pirate says to his wenches when he sees the shoreline? "LAND HO!"

A man finds a lamp in the desert and dusts it off. Poof! A genie p

So it was my first time meeting my girlfriend's family and it was a holiday so I had assumed it would go like how it is in the movies, the guy being constantly criticized by the girl's family and told he's not good enough but I must have lucked out as they absolutely loved me, after we had the traditional thanksgiving meal at around 4, her family and I went to the porch to drink and joke around. On the way out to the porch, buzzed me thought it would be hilarious to take someone's ukelele with me and hide it on the porch, I promised myself that before the day is over, I'd use that ukelele as a joke piece and get everyone to love me even more. So the evening is going great, everyone's drunk, laughing, telling funny family stories when all of a sudden, I stand up, get everyone's attention and I grab the ukelele, picked it up and said

"I like to play a little guitar"

The hysterical, drunken laughs of everyone on the porch was the highlight of the best Thanksgiving I've ever had.

Hey guys. As I'm sure most of you know, it's currently Thanksgiving in Canada. This time of year for me has, in the past, caused a lot of issues in my life.

To give a little bit of background on me, I'm usually an extremely healthy and fit guy, as I play high-level sports and have a physically demanding job. However, for much of my life, my willpower began to crumble around this time of year.

I first started taking my diet seriously when I was about 12 years old. I had some kind of realization where like, I dunno, I started looking at how jacked these movie stars were and was all, "wow, I want to be that cool too." Judging by the bowl cut I had when I was 12, my perception of cool may have been a little skewed, but I digress.

Anyhow, it was my first Thanksgiving where everything started falling apart. One of my relative's families ended up no-showing for dinner, so we were left with a load of Thanksgiving leftovers. For the next week, every single meal or snack I had was Thanksgiving themed. Sandwich? Turkey sandwich. Breakfast? Let's dollop some cranberry sauce on that bad boy. By the next week, my BGC (blood gravy content) was probably at like 1.0%.

You'd think I'd be sick of holiday food after that. But no. I loved it.

The tradition of refrigerated Thanksgiving snacks continued throughout the rest of my teen years. Like clockwork, the numbers on the scale would significantly jump upwards in October, with Halloween candy adding an extra layer of calories on top. By the time I reached 17, my waist had begun noticeably ballooning, and I realized it was all due to Thanksgiving turkey. Sure, I had some at Christmas and sometimes at Easter, but never like that. My mother would encourage this habit, making more food each year to be stuffed into our packed refrigerator.

The movie star bod I wanted for so much at the age of 12 was slipping a way. I needed to put an end to this.

Flash forward to October 2015, age 18. I had made a vow: I never again would place such putrid poultry onto my tastebuds. And ever since that fateful week of 2014, my vow had held true.

Each Thanksgiving, I can feel that craving for chilled turkey knocking on the refrigerator door of my fragile ego. For three years, I've held strong. But when will the garrison fall? When will that soft, biting flesh of the big bird smash it's way back into my life.

But so far, I've quit cold turkey.

So my family goes to watch this Bollywood mystery movie. We get there a little late, and there's only space for us at the very front row. Upon sitting in our seats my dad says "I'm so glad we're sitting at the front."

Hearing this I said "What, these are the worst seats possible."

He says back to me "At least we'll know the ending before any of these suckers."

I heard people behind me groan.

My dad just discovered the news piece about the guy who raised $50k for potato salad. Since there is clearly money to be made, he suggests that the family should get in on it.

Mom: "But what could we sell? You have to sell something or be making a movie."

Dad: "I was thinking electrical motorcycle starters"

Mom: "........what?"

Dad: "You know, so they don't have to use kick-starters anymore"

I get texts like this often

My dad sends my whole family his mini movies

"Written, voice & Directed by me. Moon played your mother."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lqbvF-nX9YQ

Over the holidays, my whole family got together. We all decided to go to a movie, and everyone was suggesting different movies to see. My cousin said that she wanted to see Frozen. I said, "Oh yeah, I want to see Frozen, too".

My dad responded with, "Did they make a sequel already?"

My family was watching Lord of the Rings a few weeks back. At one point in the movies, a character says, "Muster the Roherim!" Later on, I (the son) pointed out, "The Roherim have been mustered." My dad instantly replies, "Except the slow ones, they gotta ketchup!"

Earlier my family was having a conversation about all the movies based on comic books that have been coming out. Later we were watching tv when a trailer for Exodus came on and this exchange happened.

Sister, "See it's not all comic book movies, some are based on the bible too."

Dad chimes in, "The world's first comic book."

This Father's Day, I took my dad out to a movie, just the two of us. We saw Godzilla (which was quite good!). Later that night, we all had dinner with my grandparents and aunt's family. I was telling my grandpa about the movie. I said something like "It was good! But it was intense."

"Well that doesn't make sense," he said. "Why wouldn't they have it in the movie theather?"

I looked at him confusedly, and then he grinned, and said "Well, it would make more sense to have it in the theater, rather than in tents."

I was telling my dad about one of my high school friends. Her family was very strict, and very catholic. One of the few movies she was allowed to watch was Mary Poppins. My dad comes back with, "So her family was Super-Catholic-fragilisticexpealidocious?"

Then my stepmom and I stared in silence. He silently laughed to himself.

To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump!

Dad just dropped this one on the fly while watching the Movie. Cue an entire family's groans...

The family is watching a movie together, and a scene comes on with a boy standing on some train tracks using a plank and rock to pretend he's playing baseball. The following exchange occurred:

Me: "He shouldn't be playing on the tracks. He could get hurt." Dad: "He's training."

I love this man.

I quoted part of the movie in front of my family "What do we want? Time travel! When do we want it?? Irrelevant!". Not sure if that counts, but I laughed and they groaned, that's usually how they go, right??

After a long night of packing for the beach and watching movies, my family had to get up extremely early to start driving to the beach. About 3 hours into the drive, we pull over at a Hardee's so my family could use the restroom. Upon getting back into the car and being the extremely tired person he is, my father proceeds to point across the street to a very large pile of tires in a gas station parking lot and says "Wow, I'm tired." He smiled; we groaned. It was agonizing.

After a family movie night, we are all heading off to bed.

Dad: When you guys go to bed, be sure to make leave this room as happy as it can be!

Me: Huh?

Dad: De-lighted

The family was siting around doing nothing yesterday while the movie Elf played.

The protagonist was watching the love interest, and this was our commentary;

Me: "Wow, he's just staring at her. Not creepy at all."

Dad: "They call that stocking."

The year was 2007. The movie Reign Over Me was showing in theaters, so my family made our way down to the theater. My dad moseys his way on up to the ticket counter,

Dad: Can I have four tickets to that show... What's it called... Something about the weather?

Ticket Counter Woman: (blank stare)

Dad: Oh I know, I'll have four tickets to Water On My Head.

Ticker Counter Woman: (more uncomfortable blank staring)

Dad: Oh I'm sorry, I meant REIGN ON ME!

Cue more blank stares from the ticket sales woman.

The fact that I still vividly remember that joke, more than all the others, 7 years later kind of amazes me.

My family are all big fans of the show It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, so when a trailer for The Lego Movie came on, we all paid close attention, because Charlie Day from the show has a role in it.

My dad, who was in the other room, came in and asked what we were talking about.

"The Lego Movie. A trailer just came on for it."

"Oh, I've heard great things about that I think it's going to be big."

"You think so?"

"Yeah, a real blockbuster."

My sister, who has never seen 'Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy' the movie, was telling my family her plan to see it.

Sister: "Tomorrow I'm going to watch the first Anchorman and then we're going to Anchorman 2"

Dad: "Then she's going to Anchormanagment"

My family was watching a movie, and I came into the room a couple minutes later. I accidently said "Where should I shit?", because everyone had a seat already. Within a second my mom said, "The toilet, of course.

Kinda cheating but moms are funny, too...

At Thanksgiving dinner with some family friends and my dad (a dentist) and his dental partner (my godfather) are talking about movies.

Godfather: Have you guys seen Gravity yet?

Dad: No, I heard it's heavy.

cue laughter