[NSFWish] Did you hear about the new eyelid replacement surgery for burn victims?

They use foreskin to replace them. Only side-effect is coming out a little cockeyed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/noapostrophe555
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
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A guy was born without eyelids

They decided to replace it with some of his foreskin, it all went well but the surgery was a little cockeyed

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TotoWolffsDesk
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
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I know a kid who was born without eyelids. His parents decided to have him circumcised and used his foreskin as a skin graft for his eyelids. The surgery went really well....

.... although afterwards he was a bit cockeyed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/diceberg
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
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Steal everyone's eyelids and no one bats an eye...

Remove their brains from their skulls and everyone loses their mind...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2018
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Did you see that story about the boy born with no eyelids?

The Doctors are doing some amazing work, they are going to fabricate new eyelids from the boys' foreskin, it's said the boy will be totally fine but a little cockeyed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GIDAMIEN
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
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You hear about the poor boy who was born without eyelids? They used the foreskin from his circumcision the only problem is...

He's a little cock eyed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MCACCC
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
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Take away people's eyelids and no one bats an eye..

Remove their brains and everybody loses their minds...

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2014
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My wife got so teary-eyed you can probably sail a boat in her eyelids

Quite the crises

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaxPaw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2018
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Did you hear about the baby that was just born without eyelids? The made him some with his foreskin after the circumcision

They did a great job, except hes now a bit cockeyed

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fedloveguns
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2016
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Poor child.

A child was born in Europe with no eyelids. They used his foreskin from the circumcision to create new eyelids for him. Everything turned out great, he's just a little cockeyed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cleancut71
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
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Bedtime joke

As I’m walking down the hall I notice that my girls have their light on and they should be in bed already. I poke my head in and ask why their light is on. They replied that they’re looking for something. I turned off the light and responded that they should be looking for the back of their eyelids!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dithia
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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My 94 year old grandpa is a goldmine. Here is one of his favorites: Did you hear about the fire at the circus?

They said the fire was in tents

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spartan6222
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2018
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I was told I often get sayings wrong, but it didn't phase me.

I didn't even batter an eyelid.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryanooooo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
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Birth defects with a side of uncle humour.

So, I'm not 100% this belongs here. Feel free to rip me a new one in the comments.

I work overnights at a hotel. Last night I had a drunk guy walk up to the desk. He looks at me and goes "No eyelids man. My nephew was born today and he doesn't have any eyelids."

I'm pretty used to drunk people coming up to the desk and talking at me, but this caught my attention. I tell the guy its not the worst thing in the world and I'm sure they will be able to fix it, its better than being born blind, etc.

The guy looks up at me and says, "Yeah, they're gonna use his foreskin to fix it....My nephew is gonna be cockeyed!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sternlip
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2018
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A worker got me

Peer:My eyelid has been twitching for a week. I am just going to cut it off Me: Have you tried banana's? (the potassium should help) Peer: Nope, don't think it is sharp enough

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlphaQUp_Bish
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2016
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The greatest prank call I ever pulled off

I was an ER tech in a fairly busy inner city hospital for a few years. On one unusually slow night, around 3am, I called up to labor and delivery from an outside line. The conversation went like this:

"Labor and Delivery Nancy speaking"

"Hi I have an unusual problem and I am hoping you can help me."

"OK what can I do for you?"

"Well a couple weeks ago my wife and I had a baby boy who was born with an extremely rare condition. You see, he was born without eyelids."

"Oh my goodness!"

"Yes. Well at your hospital there they tried a new experimental treatment. They used the foreskin from his circumcision to create eyelids for him. Have you heard about this procedure?"

"OH MY GOD! No! I haven't!"

"Well everything was going great and he seemed to be healing well but when he woke up this morning, he looked a little cockeyed..."

"..........."

"COCKEYED!"

<click>

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TurnTheTVOff
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2015
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I just Dad Joked myself. I'm ashamed

This all mainly involves my actions and thinking to myself.

So I'm cutting my nails with clippers, the clipping seem to travel at a pretty high velocity then cut.

anyway, at one moment I had the clippers facing away from me, meaning my nails were pointing at me. When I cut, the clipping flew up and hit me on the eyelid, felt very close to going in.

That's when I thought:

"Shit, I almost nailed myself in the eye"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/frecklejam
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2015
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A compilation of my dads terrible jokes

After seeing Taken:

"Taken? More like this movie has taken all my money!"

After seeing Final destination 5:

"Final Destination? More like, My Final destination is out of the movie theater!"

"Wanna know what my favorite part of the movie was? The credits!"

"The back of my eyelids were more entertaining than that movie."

After telling him about a Slayer concert:

"Slayer? More like, this band is gonna slay all my money!"

After telling him my favorite musical genre is heavy metal:

"Well, i hate heavy metal. I can never lift it!"

These are just a few

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tardersauce12
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2013
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Co-worker got me today

So my co-worker comes up to me & asks if I'd heard about the baby born with no eyelids. I responded no, & had no idea where he was going with this (he's told stories like this before & seems to just mess around with people). He tells me 'yeah, the doctor decided to fix it, so they took the skin from the foreskin of his penis.' Okay... really random story or I was just clueless. 'But there was a problem with the procedure, and the baby ended up coming out of the surgery cock-eyed.'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sharpfangs11
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2015
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I had a close call with bacon while cooking.

Me: ouch!

Wife: did you get hit with bacon grease?

Me: yeah. Right in the eyelid.

Wife: Good thing it didn't actually go in your eye

Me: yeah, I never would've looked at bacon the same way again

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bridgeheadprod
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2015
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Did you hear about the boy that was born without eyelids?

They used his foreskin to correct the problem and now hes cock eyed

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josephthebear
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2016
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