Some jerk pointed at the butt of an exceptionally furry donkey and asked me what it was.
I said "That's a hairy ass ass ass, ass!"
Due to Covid-19 we're experiencing an exceptionally high call volume...
... please hold while we turn our phones down.
I listen to every type of music except heavy metal
Because heavy metals are toxic.
(I -22f- have created this joke when i was 15, I was waiting for an opportunity to disgust people with it. So here you go reddit lol)
How can you prove that the "I" before "E" except after "C" doesn't always apply ?
Knew an bird watcher who lived so long he saw every bird except one. On his deathbed he was asked if he thought he used his time well
He said he had no Egretes
Know your ABC's kids (Except for Guwucci, he sucks)
Did you know that Shakespeare wasn't just an amazing playwright? He also made exceptional wigs!
His shop name? Toupee or Not Toupee.
I decided to go on a vacation with my family. Almost all the hotel rooms were booked except one
It was our last resort...
One of my friends told me he was opening a clothing store that sold everything except for hats.
I thought he was pulling my leg, but when I asked him, he told me "Yeah man it's true, no cap."
I’m in great shape except for my pudgy midsection.
I started going to the gym in my tuxedo, everything went well except the weight lifting...
I like all Ghibli movies, except for Howl's Moving Castle.
I'm holding a 17th Century Party, and all the Enlightenment thinkers can swing by - except one.
I went to cake shop and all the cakes were £1 except one which was £3...
I asked the shopkeeper why and he said "That's Madeira cake"
It was around Christmas and I had bought gifts for everyone except my parents.
I had no idea what to get them. But after a long brainstorming I finally decided to get the a new fridge.
It's was actually so satisfying to see their faces lit up as they opened it.
Except when he's with a gun.....then he'd be gunning
If you live in America, then you're an American except when you're in the bathroom
Why do you never see a Rhinoceros hiding in a tree?
Because they are exceptionally good at it!
I heard the catering on the Star Wars movies was exceptional. An admirable snackbar.
I named my dog Achilles.
He’s pretty smart, except when I say heel he plays dead.
My wife’s body is perfect in every way except that she wears glasses.
It’s okay though. I’m willing to look past that.
All letters of the alphabet except for c have been declared hate symbols by the anti defamation league. Why?
When I die my wish is to be cremated except for my funny bone
That way my humerus with my family forever.
Loosing weight is a peice of cake!
Just don’t pick it up
Edit: piece I before E except after c
Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection, except for one.
He’s never gonna give you Up.
I am a unique hybrid of two exceptional athletes. My mom was all-American sprinter and my dad qualified for the Olympic marathon.
So naturally, I have been genetically gifted with the ability to run relatively slowly over very short distances.
I passed all my courses except for Greek mythology.
That has always been my Achilles’ elbow.
They say I before E except after C.
I went to the bee keepers to buy some bees. All the bees had price tags on them except one.
All teachers should know the I before E except after C rule.
Unless they teach science.
Cleaning your cat's litter box is a lot like sifting gold except for 1 thing
the prize is a lot crappier...literally.
Me: When I went to buy hotdogs on Memorial Day weekend they were all gone except these little ones.
My wife: Guess it was a Memorial Day for hotdogs then.
I used to have a calendar that was normal except September 11 was made of sandpaper.
My son got good grades in all his classes except Greek Mythology
That's always been his Achilles Elbow
Two wind turbines were standing around, complete silence except for the wind, when one asks the other, "Hey, what kind of music do like?" The other one thinks for a few revolutions and says,
"I'm a really big heavy metal fan."
/r/puns best of 2020 nomination thread!
Edit: Winner:- https://www.reddit.com/r/puns/comments/knrrk1/rpuns_best_of_2020_nomination_thread/ghx6xyy
Welcome to /r/puns bestof 2020 nomination thread! A chance to win reddit premium.
Comment below the links of posts/comments that were exceptional.
Prizes:
1 month reddit premium (no ads on your feed) and access to the reddit lounge to the exceptional post/comment.
Note: The person who nominates will also get award if the post they nominate is good. (Very likely you will get it :)
All the best!!
I recently did a tour of South Korea that included every city except the capital.
While I enjoyed it, I felt the trip had no Seoul.
Dad jokes that you overuse in public that infuriate your partner?
So my partner probably wants to stab me more than i think. Almost every time she ask is me to “put the kettle on” I respond “I can’t, it won’t fit” or if we’re shopping and I’m asked “do you need a bag” I point at her and say “it’s fine I brought my own” there are others, but they currently evade my 2am brain.
I feel I need some new ones to keep her on her toes and what better place than this sanctum of one liners (except for this post, for which I apologise).
Most of my relatives are police marksmen, except for my grandad who was a bank robber.
He died recently surrounded by his family.
You can say 'hi' to everyone on a plane except one...
My phone plays every song except "Down with the Sickness"
I guess that's because it's in "Do not Disturb" mode.
Ran into Rick Astley. He gave me his entire Pixar collection, except one of them.
He started dancing and said, "Never gonna give you 'Up'."
I before E except after C doesn't always apply...
Rick Astley will let you borrow any of his movies except for one...
He’s never gonna give you Up
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