Ducted Puns

It was very eventful.

He'll have turned you from being black and blue into being Red Green.

It has a dark side and a light side, and it holds the universe together.

I live for them, they quack me up. Give me what y'all got >:)

thank goodness I get to VENT a lot.

Duct tape used for everything, including puns

He reaches into his bag and takes out a bunch of regular dinner table forks and a roll of duct tape.

He tapes several forks together to make a bridge and lays it down, allowing the two of them to get across.

When they get back to Yoda’s hovel, they find that some creature has chewed a hole in the fence around Yoda’s garden.

“Something I have for this.” Yoda says again. Once again, he takes a bunch of forks out of his bag and, using duct tape, tapes them in to patch the hole.

Yoda and Luke return to Yoda’s home, where Yoda looks through his bag. He’s used all his forks but one, he discovers.

“That’s ok Master." Luke says, wanting to be helpful. “I’ll write us a note reminding us to buy more.”

So he writes the note and uses the very last fork to pin it to the bulletin board.

He looks down at Yoda expecting pride, but instead finds a look of horror.

“Master Yoda!” he asks. “What did I do wrong?”

Yoda replies sagely, “A Jedi uses the forks for no ledge and the fence. Never for a tack!”

I think it's the air ducts

It was in the non-friction section.

But it DOES seal quacks in ducks

Always found transparent tape to be the clear winner.

I've heard mixtapes are romantic

I may have encountered some punintended consequences.

Tear-Duct Tape

Fixing quacks in your ducks.

It was quite the in vent shun.

Daddy deserves a spanking for that joke.

I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.

"that right there is the duct seal" "that ain't no duct seal" "look here! Ain't no ducks gettin through that there seal!"

He was abDUCTed!

It wasn't going cheep

With a pumpkin patch

My grandmother was cremated and we were having a service to pay our respects. I was scared and didn't want to go up to the altar alone so my dad went with me.

We stood there, side by side, and stared in reverent silence at the small simple wooden box which was holding my grandmother's ashes. After a minute or so passed my father bowed slightly, leaning in with what I assumed would be words of wisdom and said, "your grandmother was a lot smaller than I remember."

I had to fight just not to bust out laughing in a room full of mourners.

I was told to cross post this here from an askreddit thread yesterday

Back a few decades, I was working in a program with a local college in the Middle East.

The name of the program for ExPats has the clever acronym of "IDEA" (hey, I said it was clever); which stands for "Inter-Departmental Educational Adjunct". It's interdepartmental because my particular specialty not only covers field geology but also paleontology and a bit of archeology thrown in for good measure. Everyone hopes to have a good IDEA...

ahem...

Well, we saddle up and head for the Dune Sea out in the west of the country, where the Precambrian, Cambrian, Silurian, Cretaceous, Pliocene, Pleistocene, and Holocene crop out and access is relatively easy and non-injurious.

Well, we caravan out, some 30 Land Cruisers, Nissan patrol, and the odd Mitsubishi Galloper strong. We all get our maps, compasses and split up into 5 or 6 special interest groups ("SIG's"); where each IDEA has his own GPS and LIDAR laser ranging apparatus. Reason being, that there are very few benchmarks out in the desert, and even those are constantly at the mercy of the shifting and ever-blowing sands.

Since we're split into groups and at any one time, ranging up to and including some 50 km2, when a real find is located, a device called the "DIME" (Digital-Interface Monitor Encoder) is attached and programmed into the GPS for location later; it is a digital sort of low-frequency transponder, developed from technology used by offshore drillers and jacket setters where benchmarks are even more transitory.

The way it works is rather simple. When something is to be marked for later retrieval, a series of wooden posts are pounded in a triangular manner around the find and the DIME is set, programmed with the GPS and attached to one or more of the posts.

That's the theory, at least.

Everything works well, especially all the hardened electronics and computer gizmos, but attaching the DIME to the stakes is the real problem. It can't be nailed, screwed or fastened with any sort of metal contrivance as that farkles the magnetic field and causes all sorts of goofy spurious signals. Zip ties don't last long in the heat and duct tape is right out. Many sites have been lost to the shifting sands this way.

Velcro doesn't work too well, as the sand fills the hooks of the receiving piece of velcro and soon renders it useless. String or fishing line work, but that's temporary (they melt). Glue or mastic are out as these are supposed to be temporary. Even plastic sleeves don't work due to the heat out

After I duct, I found I conduit!

A Duct-ape. Hahaha any dads laugh in approval?

Duct tape

I keep getting ab-duct-taped by aliens.

In a duct bank.

They had to get their ducts in a row.

Duct tape is silver... silver can be made into gold.

With winter pretty much here my little garage ship has been getting pretty cold. I have poor circulation so my fingers become icicles and I drop tools, which can be very dangerous. So I duct taped some gloves to some German electric power tools. This way I keep my fingers warm while still retaining my Fein motor control.

A tear duct.

Lukewarm

Dad never fails to tell this joke whenever we watch Star Wars. Along with the duct tape/force joke. (It has a light side, a dark side, and holds the universe together)

Me: Can I put 10 bucks on 2. Clerk: Stapler or Duct tape Me:huh? Clerk: I personally think the stapler helps keep the bills on the machine better.

I have very recently started training with a Men's Roller Derby team. A lot of the guys are refs in the local Women's Roller Derby league and this evening I was helping them get the track ready for the weekend.

Three of us were busy duct-taping a rope around the edge of the track when some guy came up to me and said "It look's like they've roped you in."

I was drinking in an Irish pub on St. Patrick's Day a few years ago when the building suffered a malfunction. The register cover of the air conditioning vent was not secured to the wall and worked its way loose, hitting me and a friend. I ended up with a cut on my forehead, a spiffy blue bandaid from the kitchen first aid kit, and a comped bar tab.

My dad told me I should have duct.

he often gets calls from a company to get his ducts cleaned. and he responds every time with, "i'm not interested, sorry, we don't have any ducts, we have chickens"