But it's a real game changer.
Just look at that escargo.
We were diagnosed with carpool tunnel syndrome
He said "That's because the canal IS for boating."
It really takes its toll on me.
Speak now or forever hold your pee
And now it's All We'll Drive!
Doesn’t he know cow tipping is illegal?
Dad: Yes, the Brits left.
So I drove down the manualbahn instead.
At the time we were thinking of naming him Carson.
I figured he would do well with on the job training. He went off the rails and wrecked. I don't need to mention about his conduct during the process.
One I don't have a girlfriend. Two I don't have a Tesla.
She says, “Why are you staring at your keyboard for hours?”
Wife notices graffiti on the side of the road with the word HISTORY. Her: "That is the second time I have seen someone graffiti that word." Me: "History repeats itself."
I call it drag racing.
16 giggle-bytes of them to be exact
Driving blindfolded sure has its advantages
a Jesus Chrysler
It was a sound investment
I replied, “Ain’t it a butte?”
Because they watch what they eat.
So we've been driving for about 30 minutes down state route 1 and talking has died down a bit. We're just listening to some oldies on the radio when my dad says, "Flo Rida must be pretty popular down here. I keep seeing his name everywhere." I replied, "really? I haven't seen it anywhere..... Ugh Shut up dad."
Edit: Key West is the most southern part of the state of Florida, USA. Flo Rida is a rapper. Flo Rida is really popular in Florida. My dad saw Flo Rida a lot during our drive in Florida. If you don't get it yet, leave /r/dadjokes
Edit 2 because people keep struggling. If this doesn't help you understand the joke you're lost.
Flo Rida
Flo rida
Florida
And I said, “Honey, watch out for those double contractions! They’re brutal.”
There shouldn’t’ve been another one for at least 10 minutes,
Girlfriend: Oh, that's definitely an aardvark burrow in the termite mound.
Me: ...would you say it's an example of classic aardvarkitecture?
Who the hell is that person ?
Dad: "It wasn't a foul on the drive, it was a foul on the player. Idiots."
Really nailed it, poor thing went flying. My seven year old son says from the passenger seat, "Dad, that was.... CATastrophic."
Felt bad for the cat, but pretty damn proud of my son.
It will break
Dad: "What does USB stand for?" Me: "Universal Serial Bus." Dad then throws the USB stick he was holding up in the air and catches it as it falls. Dad: "Does that mean that I just caught the Bus?"
..with my dad.
"I'd love to build a home out here some day", he said.
I saw a real estate sign on a large lot so I said, "There Dad. How about that one?" and I pointed to the sign.
He said, "Nah, I don't think we can afford it, the sign says:
'For Sale. Lots.'"
My girlfriend was driving us to into town early this morning for work, it was dark and we all had lights on. A waste disposal truck coming the other way narrowly misses us as it overtakes a cyclist on a blind corner. My girlfriend gets angry because of their stupidity, I wait a split second and say:
"I guess they're just a rubbish lorry driver"
It didn't defuse the situation...
My son in the back seat says; "Dad Waze shows the speed limit is 65mph but we are we are going faster than that. Are you breaking the law by speeding? I had to slow down to let my wife take this picture because I replied "It's all going to be ok, Nationwide is by our side!"
I was working on drive thru when a father and son came through and the total for their order was $21.22. So when I told them, the son said something and the father burst out laughing. The father then said 23, 24. It took me a moment to get it but then we all laughed about it.
Dad: Are you sure you don't want to bring this [additional phone charger]?
Me: Dad, I have so many chargers packed...they're going to think I have weapons of mass conduction!
Told her it was because americans drive on the RIGHT side of the road!
Dad: Yes, the Brits left.
A Jesus Chrysler.
