The guys fixing the potholes on our road have completely disappeared.
I have no idea when theyβre going to resurface.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Mar 10 2021
Never blame anyone else for the road you're on...
...that's your own asphalt!
π︎ 111
π
︎ Feb 10 2021
Why is it better to screw up on a road you paved than on one someone else paved?
Because it's your own asphalt.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Feb 25 2021
someone said that the name scar was a bit on the road
but then i say "no its a big one on his eye"
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 09 2021
I took my laptop with me on a recent road trip.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Feb 13 2021
I'm starting to get sick of driving on icy roads.
Up until now I was willing to let it slide.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Feb 10 2021
Donβt blame others for the road that youβre on
Thatβs your own asphalt
π︎ 30
π
︎ Dec 30 2020
I ran out of gas on the side of the road. Along comes a swarm of bees.
I was confused, but they seemed friendly. I told them what was going on, and they said: open the gas cap. One by one, each bee flew into the tank, and to my astonishment the gas gage went from empty to full. The bees said: start the car. So, I did and it ran. I asked them: what did you put in the tank? Bee pee.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Dec 13 2020
SpaceX's rocket was designed to be as wide as it could be and still be transported on the roads.
So when the boss wanted to make it larger, they had to elongate it.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 14 2020
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog shit
A lady came up behind me and slipped as well, I said I just did that, she slapped me and said use the toilet next time
π︎ 109
π
︎ Nov 19 2020
This guy was driving on the left side of the road
He just didn't choose the right thing
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 12 2020
I told my daughter when she was whining to me about her new boyfriend... βDonβt complain about the road youβre on right nowβ
Thatβs your own asphalt
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 11 2020
Drunk driver overturned his van on road carrying snooker equipment.
Police says he is under a-rest and there is cues a mile long.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Oct 07 2020
I am driving through England on a road trip, and Iβm supposed to be in Greenwich tomorrow.
Not too sure what to do in the Mean Time.
π︎ 16
π
︎ Aug 25 2020
I couldn't decide on which side of the road I wanted to use my loom. On the northbound side the southbound side looked better. And upon crossing to the southbound side, the northbound side looked better. The cops soon arrested me for operating under the influence.
They said I was weaving all over the road.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Aug 30 2020
During my first month on the road paving crew, they always gave me all the worst jobs. I endured all of it, up until they put me on paint duty...
...that's where I finally had to draw the line.
π︎ 22
π
︎ Aug 05 2020
Be careful on the road, my friends!
π︎ 42
π
︎ Jun 21 2020
You ever notice how few Deloreans you see on the road?
I guess their owners only drive them from time to time.
π︎ 36
π
︎ Jun 20 2020
I saw a mouse on the road.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Aug 09 2020
I was surprised about a pair of sunglasses on the road today
I got them for free, but that's way below street value
π︎ 2
π
︎ Aug 12 2020
As we were driving down the road, "Sweet Caroline" came on the radio. I said to my son, "Little known fact, Neil Diamond used to be called Neil Coal."
"Until the pressure got to him."
π︎ 12k
π
︎ Feb 28 2019
I found a sack on the side of the road. I reached inside to see if I could figure out who it belonged to. I think it belonged to Santa.
π︎ 16
π
︎ Jun 12 2020
We used to live on a very busy main road.
But after our 4th child got run over, we decided to move into a house.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jun 29 2020
The sporting goods store downtown was having a big sale on canoe paddles, but traffic and road construction made it real pain to get there...
...yeah, it was quite the ordeal to get the oar deal.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Aug 08 2020
What did the 2x4 say on a road trip?
βIβm board, are we stairs yet?β
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jul 10 2020
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 18 2020
I bought a copy of MS Office, but I dropped it on the road going back to my car...
...well, that's the Word on the street.
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 21 2020
Recently I took my family on a road trip, and we got a flat tire. When my daughter got out of the car to help, she almost got hit by a car.
Good thing she wasn't, that trip would've been short-lived.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jun 27 2020
Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his scrabble letters on the road.
I asked him, βWhatβs the word on the street?β
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jun 08 2020
I always fall down from my cycle riding on uneven bumpy roads.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Apr 30 2020
Two friends are on a road trip and one if them sees a sign stating they are approaching Louisville. One says "we should stop in 'Louie-ville' for lunch. The other says it's not pronounced 'Louie-ville', it's 'Louis-ville'!
They go back and forth for a while, neither convincing the other that they are right. Finally they decide on a place to eat. When they get to the restaurant, one of the friends asks the person taking their order to settle it once and for all. "Me and my friend are having a debate and hopefully since you live here, you can set my friend straight. Would you please tell us... and say it clear and slow for my friend here... where are we?"
The person behind the counter gets a puzzled look on his face, then says
>!"Buuuuuurrrrrr gerrrrrr Kiiiiiiinnnnggg"!<
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 25 2020
Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam.
π︎ 114
π
︎ Nov 02 2019
Went for a walk with my son and we saw a man on the side of the road yelling and swearing at his car. My son asked me what I thought the problem was...
I told him it was the car berater.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Mar 11 2020
A Ramen Noodle truck overturned on the freeway today, spilling all its contents out onto the road...
Damages are estimated at $4.81 !
π︎ 14
π
︎ Nov 21 2019
Should've focused on the road
π︎ 51
π
︎ Mar 28 2019
Don't blame others for the road you're on.
π︎ 130
π
︎ Nov 29 2020
Donβt blame others for the road youβre on...
Thatβs your own asphalt
π︎ 24
π
︎ Jan 04 2021
Donβt blame others for the road youβre on.
Thatβs your own asphalt.
π︎ 42
π
︎ Dec 11 2020
Don't blame others for the road you're on.
π︎ 78
π
︎ Dec 18 2020
You canβt blame anyone for the road youβre on.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Dec 15 2020
Never blame someone else for the road you are on
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 03 2021
Don't blame others for the road you're on.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Dec 11 2020
Don't blame others for the road you're on in life.
π︎ 36
π
︎ Nov 22 2020
Dont blame other for the road you're on.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 26 2020
As we were driving down the road, "Sweet Caroline" came on the radio. I said to my son, "Little known fact, Neil Diamond used to be called Neil Coal."
"Until the pressure got to him."
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Nov 05 2019
As we were driving down the road, "Sweet Caroline" came on the radio. I said to my son, "Little known fact, Neil Diamond used to be called Neil Coal."
"Until the pressure got to him."
π︎ 30
π
︎ Apr 26 2020
You dont see many Delorean's on the road
Itβs because the owners only drive them from time to time.
π︎ 29
π
︎ May 19 2020
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