What do you call a store that sells only bagels and donuts?

Hole Foods.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TalornCeleron
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Today someone bought our department a box of donuts and some lotto tickets. The potential grand prize was $3,000, in which my boss exclaimed "Well that isn't enough to retire".

I corrected him by saying that is plenty of money to buy some new tires for your car.

The physical pain on his face was priceless.

πŸ‘︎ 156
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Megaman_90
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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What did the taco say to the depressed donut?

Taco: Want to taco bout it? Donut: I donut know what to say.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/L0stRobot
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
What did one donut say to the other donut?

Nothing, because donuts can't talk.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crowkiller06
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
We donut want to be late.
πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/loot98
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Excuse me, why are there only donuts, bagels, and swiss cheese at this store?

Sir this is a Hole Foods.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fathertime108
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the dad say as he walked out of the donut shop with a dozen glazed?

Good buy!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/malker84
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
How does Bob Marley like his donuts??

With "jammin"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/burgersandchips2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I want some donuts.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/InsightThoughts
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you plant a Donut?

A pastree.

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/s0apyjam
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the donut go to the dentist?

To get a chocolate filling

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blandlemon
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw a Korean martial artist holding out a basket of donuts. When I asked to take 2, he said no.

I replied β€œcan I at least Taekwondo?”

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/forkingbread
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2019
🚨︎ report
If dunkin donuts was a bar,

It would be called drunkn donuts

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vuyfogifux
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I failed no nut November because I saw a donut store sign and I read "do nut"
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ironporkchop
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I donut know who this is

Someone named Chris P. Cream

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Escalade1414
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
🚨︎ report
This will never go stale so donut tell me otherwise
πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Razabeth
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to a donut shop and stole some donuts.... The owner said: donut come here ever againπŸ˜”
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
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I love donuts

They're not self centered.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dzaster1984
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Did I ever tell you about the shady vendor who sold me an overpriced, moldy donut on my trip to see the Pyramids?

Egypt me, but I was starving so I ate it anyway. Now I falafel.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/obvious_santa
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call donut-shaped pane of glass?

A window washer.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/calpup
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
🚨︎ report
A donut walks into a church, approaches the priest and explains "Excuse me, Father, I don't mean to trouble you, but I'm very interested in joining the clergy."

"I was hoping that you could give me some pointers."

The priest, after taking a moment to accept the fact that he's speaking with a pastry, offers a warm smile in response.

"That is truly a noble calling." he says. "Most frequently, individuals who wish to become priests begin by growing active in their parish, then entering a seminary. While in attendance there, would-be clergy members work to excel in every regard, reaffirming their beliefs and devoting themselves to the path of righteousness. When the time comes, a given initiate will be ordained as a deacon, which will allow them passage to priesthood."

"That sounds like a very involved process." the donut confesses. "I'm not sure I have the time."

"If you don't mind me asking…" replies the priest. "What made you think you wanted to join the clergy if you're not willing to make a commitment to the process? Why do you want to be a priest at all?"

"Well…" the donut answers. "See, it's because I'm holey."

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What breakfast pastry willfully causes more pain and suffering than a donut?

A crueller

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yahtzee44444
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
How does Bob Marley like his donuts?

With jam in.

What does Bob Marley say to his friends when they come around for donuts and coffee?

"I hope you like jam in too"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ARushandaPush
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2019
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Never insult a donut.

some of them have fillings.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2018
🚨︎ report
The center of a donut might be fat free

but it tastes like nothing.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the baker stop making donuts?

He was fed up with the hole thing!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hackerman79_
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
🚨︎ report
The donut shop got robbed

The burglars said they chose it because the shop was rolling in the dough

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ninjawhit
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
🚨︎ report
My favorite puns are the ones that involve physical harm (ie Hertz Donut)

I guess you could say I like being punished

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jriggs97
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the baker that stopped making donuts?

He got tired of the hole thing

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bluehorseshoe33
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2019
🚨︎ report
There's a new donut shop in town, and they deliver
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cazberry
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of donut can fly?

A plain donut.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/turtletorturer
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2019
🚨︎ report
In which European city was oldest donut discovered: Paris, London, Berlin, Athens or Rome?

It was found in ancient grease.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I dropped a box of donuts in the parking lots and all the crows are eying them greedily...

It's a tempted murder.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Ate 3 donuts in a row and I'm now feeling like dj khaled

A fat guy who wants another one

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sticky_bud
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Got donuts with my dad at a place called Hurts Donut

Upon arrival he asked β€œever had Hurts Donut?” and before I could answer he punched me in the the chest and said β€œhurts don’t it!”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spendthelove
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2018
🚨︎ report
I’m following a new nutrition plan: only donuts and bagels.

It’s a hole food diet.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I eat a donut every day.

But slowly I’m getting tired of the hole thing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2018
🚨︎ report
What is a neo-nazi's favorite kind of donut?

White powder!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Merasake
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Found out I can't have donuts without you...

They just become don'ts

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πŸ‘€︎ u/beanbagmanatee
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did Tiger Woods return the donuts?

Because there was a hole in one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BeyondanyReproach
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
🚨︎ report
My son was insisting that he should just have donuts for breakfast.

I pointed out the holes in his arguments.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2018
🚨︎ report
How does Bob Marley like his donuts?

Wi jammin'

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RocketButtMonkey
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw a Korean martial artist holding out a basket of donuts, but when I asked if I could take two, he said no...

I pleaded, β€œCan I at least Taekwondo?”

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw a Korean martial artist holding out a basket of donuts. When I asked if I could take two, he said no.

I said, β€œCan I at least Taekwondo?”

πŸ‘︎ 460
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
🚨︎ report
How did Bob Marley have his donuts?

With jammin'

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lukeatherton41
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Have you heard about my store that only sells organic donuts, bagels, and swiss cheese?

We’re calling it Hole Foods.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CroqueMonsieur
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
🚨︎ report

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