A recent study of rocking chairs indicated that certain parts of the world do far less rocking than the United States while specific countries do...

Mo-roccan.

This joke provided by dads giving babies a bottle in a rocking chair early in the morning.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sneakymooseattack
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Was your waist the 16th president of the United States?

...cause those hips don’t lie

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/connolnp
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 06 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you say to The President Of The United States when he leaves abruptly?

Okay, Biden.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/iwishidie
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 29 2021
🚨︎ report
How much does the entire United States cost?

Nothing, because it's a free country

πŸ‘οΈŽ 26
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Xenonthewizlard
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 25 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the Koala immigrate to the United States?

Because he wanted the right to bear arms.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/theAchilliesHIV
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 22 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a bee that is from the United States

A USB

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/nobody492
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 26 2021
🚨︎ report
United States of BEE
πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/elthedorito
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 15 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the Commanding General of the United States Army say after having his budget approved?

Tanks for that.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Kielbasa_Crotch_Kid
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard

whoops wrong sub

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PeterPorky
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Now that Donald Trump is no longer President, the United States is experiencing post-nut clarity.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/femifoodie
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Donald Trump is currently organizing pigeons against the united states government.

He's plotting a coo

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JCokeDaKilla
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
News broke today that due to salmonella concerns, there is a national recall on just about every type of onion in the united states...

To be honest, I'm not shedding any tears over it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thejohnblog
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Missouri has the most bordering states (8, tied with tennessee) out of any of the 50 United States of America. You know what they say, Missouri loves company.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 5k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dudemanandnewman
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 07 2017
🚨︎ report
What was the 16th president of the United States told before the dinner party?

Ay bring ham, Lincoln.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Keepscrollin-u
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 18 2020
🚨︎ report
TIL The 1st United States Volunteer Cavalry, one of three such regiments raised in 1898 for the Spanish–American War, had dogs to go with them...

The were The Ruff Riders.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Watt is the unit of power?
πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/IncompotentCyborg
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 27 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend tried to ride his horse from Maine to the Southwestern United States for a type of bean but was hit by an older Ford...

It was a pinto.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Just watched an episode of 24 where Jack Bauer had to decide to either help the cartel transfer cannabis crystals into the U.S within 24 hours or they would blow up the Gulf Coast states.

...It was Kief or Southernland

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AquamarineCheetah
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 29 2021
🚨︎ report
I hear the United States is well stocked for a bird-of-prey flu epidemic...

There are plenty of ill eagle drugs for just such emergency.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 19 2020
🚨︎ report
We need to add three more states to the United States of America

53 states would make it a prime number; One nation, indivisible.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 981
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BradC
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 18 2017
🚨︎ report
The United States Postal Service got jokes
πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/GreenLeafGreg
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What state in the US drinks the smallest cans of soda?

Minnesota.

Yeah.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 62
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/professorf
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 21 2021
🚨︎ report
My office space is a cubicle, president of the United States has an oval.

Someone has been cutting corners.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 309
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Lum1nar
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 31 2018
🚨︎ report
If the United States annexed all of Canada and multiplied it’s area by two, what would you get?

WSA

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/shortordercook
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Last week, a freshman secret service officer stopped an assassination attempt on the president of the United States by screaming β€œMickey Mouse”!

When his superior congratulated him for the arrest, he asked β€œWhy did you scream Mickey Mouse?” And the secret serviceman said β€œI was trying to say Donald Duck!”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 25
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/GPyleFan11
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 11 2019
🚨︎ report
The police just showed up at my house and arrested my bottle of water. They said he was wanted in 3 states...

Solid, liquid and gas

πŸ‘οΈŽ 407
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Brundonius
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report
What unit of measure do pirates use?

YARRRDS

πŸ‘οΈŽ 344
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/billbrasky43
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Which branch of military is the most patriotic in the United States?

The Air Force, because they're US AF.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Noir_Reaper
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 29 2018
🚨︎ report
What's the opposite of Manchester United?

Women chest are divided

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/moe87b
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 29 2021
🚨︎ report
Reflecting on Prince Philip death, I was chatting with the Mrs and I said, I know I’m getting a little older, but I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.

She got up, unplugged my laptop and threw out my beer….

EDIT: Thanks for the kind awards... My first ever! ❀️

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Big_Green_Grill_Bro
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 09 2021
🚨︎ report
My 8 year old sons joke today. What’s a girls favorite unit of measurement?

(Gal)lons

πŸ‘οΈŽ 96
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/static612
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 15 2021
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between the United States and United Kingdom

One word

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ALizardKing
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the smartest state in America?

Alabama. It has four A’s and one B.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/westsoutheast
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 02 2021
🚨︎ report
what do you call an air conditioning unit in the capital of the united states?

ACDC

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Shredhead15
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 15 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you call an army unit of babies?

INFANTry

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/salttrooper222
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Here is present the vampire state building.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/vaibhav1803
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face"

That was the punchline

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Available_Reindeer32
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 29 2021
🚨︎ report
If someone ever throws something at the President of the United States during an important press conference with other world leaders, what should you scream?

DONALD DUCK!!!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/relax-and-enjoy-life
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Grandma is always saying to me ' Hey what's the name of that German guy again who keeps taking my stuff '

Alzheimer, Grandma, it's Alzheimer.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 23 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a detective dog's party held in the United Arab Emirates?

Scooby Dubai Do

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/zippysausage
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 04 2021
🚨︎ report
I was throwing darts at a map of the continental united states when I...

Mich'd, again!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/minegam
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 17 2018
🚨︎ report
My 8 year old has created a new unit of measument...

She just picked up the squeeze ketchup and said, "I only need one fart of ketchup." She gives the bottle a single squeeze and gets her "one fart."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 54
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mrmackz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 23 2021
🚨︎ report
What was the 16th president of the United States told before a dinner party?

Ay, bring ham, Lincoln

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Mush_Tilly
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Which branch of the United States military is the most patriotic?

The Air Force; they're US AF

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Smithmonkey98
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 29 2018
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.