A recent study of rocking chairs indicated that certain parts of the world do far less rocking than the United States while specific countries do...
Mo-roccan.
This joke provided by dads giving babies a bottle in a rocking chair early in the morning.
Was your waist the 16th president of the United States?
...cause those hips don’t lie
What do you say to The President Of The United States when he leaves abruptly?
How much does the entire United States cost?
Nothing, because it's a free country
Why did the Koala immigrate to the United States?
Because he wanted the right to bear arms.
What do you call a bee that is from the United States
What did the Commanding General of the United States Army say after having his budget approved?
BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
Now that Donald Trump is no longer President, the United States is experiencing post-nut clarity.
Donald Trump is currently organizing pigeons against the united states government.
News broke today that due to salmonella concerns, there is a national recall on just about every type of onion in the united states...
To be honest, I'm not shedding any tears over it.
Missouri has the most bordering states (8, tied with tennessee) out of any of the 50 United States of America. You know what they say, Missouri loves company.
What was the 16th president of the United States told before the dinner party?
TIL The 1st United States Volunteer Cavalry, one of three such regiments raised in 1898 for the Spanish–American War, had dogs to go with them...
The were The Ruff Riders.
Watt is the unit of power?
My friend tried to ride his horse from Maine to the Southwestern United States for a type of bean but was hit by an older Ford...
Just watched an episode of 24 where Jack Bauer had to decide to either help the cartel transfer cannabis crystals into the U.S within 24 hours or they would blow up the Gulf Coast states.
...It was Kief or Southernland
I hear the United States is well stocked for a bird-of-prey flu epidemic...
There are plenty of ill eagle drugs for just such emergency.
We need to add three more states to the United States of America
53 states would make it a prime number; One nation, indivisible.
The United States Postal Service got jokes
What state in the US drinks the smallest cans of soda?
My office space is a cubicle, president of the United States has an oval.
Someone has been cutting corners.
If the United States annexed all of Canada and multiplied it’s area by two, what would you get?
Last week, a freshman secret service officer stopped an assassination attempt on the president of the United States by screaming “Mickey Mouse”!
When his superior congratulated him for the arrest, he asked “Why did you scream Mickey Mouse?” And the secret serviceman said “I was trying to say Donald Duck!”
The police just showed up at my house and arrested my bottle of water. They said he was wanted in 3 states...
What unit of measure do pirates use?
Which branch of military is the most patriotic in the United States?
The Air Force, because they're US AF.
What's the opposite of Manchester United?
Reflecting on Prince Philip death, I was chatting with the Mrs and I said, I know I’m getting a little older, but I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.
She got up, unplugged my laptop and threw out my beer….
EDIT: Thanks for the kind awards... My first ever! ❤️
My 8 year old sons joke today. What’s a girls favorite unit of measurement?
What's the difference between the United States and United Kingdom
What is the smartest state in America?
Alabama. It has four A’s and one B.
what do you call an air conditioning unit in the capital of the united states?
How do you call an army unit of babies?
Here is present the vampire state building.
Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face"
If someone ever throws something at the President of the United States during an important press conference with other world leaders, what should you scream?
Grandma is always saying to me ' Hey what's the name of that German guy again who keeps taking my stuff '
Alzheimer, Grandma, it's Alzheimer.
What do you call a detective dog's party held in the United Arab Emirates?
I was throwing darts at a map of the continental united states when I...
My 8 year old has created a new unit of measument...
She just picked up the squeeze ketchup and said, "I only need one fart of ketchup." She gives the bottle a single squeeze and gets her "one fart."
What was the 16th president of the United States told before a dinner party?
Which branch of the United States military is the most patriotic?
The Air Force; they're US AF
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