A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, "Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated." And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers, "My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?"

"Yes, my master, I have."

"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"

"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."

"And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?"

"Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon."

"That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training."

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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I have never been defeated...

I still have both of my feet

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SinfulM4ntis
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
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We were utterly defeated by 2020

Because next year is 2020 won.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
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Defeating Predators With Facts & Logic
πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FFPOE
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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Snoopy AKA Snoop dogg AKA the Red Baron has been spotted flying his Dogg house today. It is understood that he defeated his enemies in one fell snoop.
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Badwolfgyt
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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Trump's defeat is in his hands (Credit: how.how)
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MetropolisCourier
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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What’s the opposite of defeat?

Da hands

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sedge__
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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What happens when one duck defeats another duck?

The quackening.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josentangles
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than 5 moves.

Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.

πŸ‘︎ 550
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
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The reason Superman can't defeat Dracula...

is because he can't go near the crypt tonight.

πŸ‘︎ 100
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mex5150
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
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2, 4 and 6 tried to defeat 3, 5 and 7

But the odds were against them

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vitmal
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
🚨︎ report
How did the autobots defeat the deceptions?

With Primed explosives

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Adragontype
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
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The only thing that can defeat me...

is an amputation.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/football2106
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2019
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How to defeat Agent P in a swordfight.

Parry the platypus.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mutant_Llama1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2020
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Last night I dreamt I was in a swordfight with a knight, and he cut off the bottom part of my legs.

Sadly I was defeated.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kiltebeest
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What part of the body always loses?

Defeat

πŸ‘︎ 104
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doctor_Randumb
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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How did the Samurai defeat the enemy General?

He hit him with "Ja-Pan"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trainsylvania
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2020
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How did Batman defeat Calendar Man with one punch?

He hit him in his Week spot!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2020
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Did you hear about the Indian boxer that defeated his opponents with wordplay?

He was known as Punjab

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/birq
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
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How was the Roman Empire defeated?

With a pair of Caesars.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_SquidYT
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2020
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How did Luke Skywalker defeat Darth Vader?

By beating the Sith out of him.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kilokiilo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2020
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What is lbgtq?

When I ask I can never get a straight answer.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bluelemons111
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to a book store and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was

she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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Race horse Pat

There was a race horse named Pat, who was one of the greatest race horses to ever live. He set records that were near impossible to beat. After a long time of racing, he retired to an old stable with some old friends. They were very happy that he retired there to stay with him, and congratulated him on all of his records that he set.

Once Pat retired, he started keeping track of all the up and coming horses that were winning a lot. There was a race horse named Charlie that was doing really great and winning all his races. Pat saw this horse and watched him race. Charlie started to break all of Pat’s records and Pat was a little upset with this.

After a while, Charlie decided to retire after an extremely successful career in racing. By chance, Charlie decided to retire at the same stable that Pat retired in. When Charlie entered the stable, everyone went up to him to congratulate him on his records and wins. Pat went up to Charlie and said, β€œHey Charlie congratulations on all of your wins! You broke a lot of my records and I was very impressed.” Charlie responds, β€œgo away old man, I’m better than you ever were.” Pat was blown away by his response. He galloped away from Charlie with defeat.

After a while of thinking, Pat decides to challenge Charlie to a race. Charlie agreed to it and wanted to race right away. He said β€œWe will race to the tree over there and turn around and come back and whoever gets there first will be the winner.” Pat was still healthy but he needed a few weeks to get his legs back into shape for the race. Charlie gives Pat 2 weeks to get ready.

After 2 weeks pass, they are ready to race. β€œHey Pat, before we race I want to warn you that I win my races by passing them by the end. So don’t get all cocky and think you are going to win.” Charlie says. Pat thanks him for the warning and they start getting set to race.

The gun sounds and they are off to race. Pat starts out in front, and nears the finish. Out of know where, Charlie zooms ahead of Pat and wins the race.

Pat was very disappointed in his loss, but congratulated Charlie anyways. A dog comes up to them and says, β€œWow, that was a fantastic race! Neither of you should be upset with that. You both were so great!” Charlie looks to Pat and Pat looks to Charlie. They are astonished. Charlie says, β€œSay that again! Say it again!” The dog says a little confused, β€œWell I just said that you both were so great out there.” Pat says, β€œCharlie! It’s a talking dog!”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SnappyOrange69
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
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It’s a bit disappointing that the Ant Man defeating Thanos theory won’t happen. After all, I’m sure the strategy would have...

Rectum.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Emeraldzoroark
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Who did the hero fish have to defeat?

Anemone

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
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Oops.. Is this how felix got defeated.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/saintwithataint
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
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The cannibal warrior who defeated his female opponent looked very satiated.

He was gladiator.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iiWizrius
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
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How did antman defeat thanos?

He rectum

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nebulaser
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
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What did the evil plant say when the good plant defeated it?

"Oh no! My plans have been soiled!"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RegretablyJ
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call the ISIS when they're defeated?

WASWAS.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Todosskg
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
🚨︎ report
How does Santa defeat dragons?

He sleighs them.

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2018
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friend asked me "have you ever felt the agony of defeat?"

i said "of course, these shoes are killing me!"

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HaddockMaster
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2018
🚨︎ report
What's the opposite of defeat?

Dehands

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moooflol
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
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I gazed at her. I predict defeat.
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2018
🚨︎ report
What happens if you cut both your feet off?

You get two feet shorter.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Holeeschite
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you defeat Ganon?

Triforce

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Baikeru
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2016
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Cyborg and Iron man teamed up to defeat Thanos

Later they became good alloys

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/weabooass6669
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2017
🚨︎ report
I always try to use jokes to defeat my enemies.

But no matter what jokes I use, they always have the last laugh.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DisgracedAbyss
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Which superhero is best suited to defeat the frost giants?

Thor

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
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Marathon runners with bad footwear

suffer the agony of defeat.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
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Why can't Peter Pan defeat Captain Hook?

Because his punches Neverland.

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sric2838
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2017
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I challenged a WWE wrestler and lost.

I couldn't walk any more because I was defeated.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dudecancode
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
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My dad, encouraging me after my water polo match defeat, "Son you are one in a million."

The other six are the Zeroes.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/unlucky_genius
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2018
🚨︎ report
Why are people with foot fetish losers?

Because they like to taste defeat.

πŸ‘︎ 116
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πŸ‘€︎ u/babycatslayer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
🚨︎ report
So I told my son the worst thing about defeat is...

de smell.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Whataboutthatguy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2016
🚨︎ report
What’s the opposite of winning hands down?

Defeat!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theonlykelc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What part of the body loses the most?

Defeat.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mewtwo_Nex
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report

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