If I ever made an epic company for milk and cheese, I'd call it legend-dairy.
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Influenz-B
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
🚨︎ report
There's a vegan activist in my neighborhood; she's been replacing everyone's dairy milk with alternatives.

I soya do it.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alexdavidwright
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
When the first guy drank cow milk, society was probably like, "ughh, how dairy."

Dairy = dare he

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Death_By_Pun
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Milk is the fastest dairy product.

It’s pasteurized before you ever see it.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boyleolio
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
🚨︎ report
A man threw cheese at me and I thought that’s not mature of him. He came along again and this time he threw a pint of milk at me. HOW DAIRY
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JackTMJones
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What type of dairy cattle do they get milk for Swiss cheese?

Holy cow!

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SmellyRapscallion
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a dairy cow that can’t produce milk?

An udder failure

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/uncleratchet
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Today at the Dairy I was standing at the cow barn and a woman turned to me and asked, "Do they milk the male cows too." I answered, "only if they are lucky"
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CthulhuBread
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2014
🚨︎ report
My friend lost his cow milking job at the dairy farm because of his erratic behavior.

He was a danger to himself and udders.

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I told my daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field." She said, "What's that got to do with anything?"

I said "That means it's pasture bedtime."

πŸ‘︎ 23k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArchipelagoMind
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What time is it when you see a cow laying in a field?

Pasture bedtime

πŸ‘︎ 274
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PrincessCuteButt
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I used to date a girl who was lactose intolerant.

We broke up because she couldn’t stomach my cheesy jokes.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Timallne
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the fastest liquid on earth?

Milk. Its pasteurized before you can see it

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Flameboy42
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What an absolute ewenit
πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aevaeternity
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2018
🚨︎ report
legend dairy
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonlanderson
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I came up with my own dad joke a few weeks ago

My 14 year old daughter got up from the table after eating a bowl of cereal, so I told her to put the milk away. Then we had this exchange:

"Before you put that back in the fridge, why don't you plug it into the iPhone charger on the counter first?"

"What? What are you talking about?"

"Yeah, you gotta charge up that milk. It's only at one percent!"

I say it so often now that my kids stopped eating cereal, and have pretty much cut dairy from their diets.

πŸ‘︎ 117
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πŸ‘€︎ u/doctor-rumack
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Wait for it !!
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bongnazi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2018
🚨︎ report
The first animal to be mechanically milked must've been pumped.

I know it's an old joke, I'm just milking it dry. I just think its dairy funny.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What does a toeless veteran dad say to his son?

He has lack-toes intolerance.

I-I'll see myself out. Just like the dad on his eternal quest for milk-

Sorry, I need to stop milking this joke. Feel free to kick my dairy-ere out the door.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/animeten10
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend says he can't stand people with missing toes.

He's lack-toes intolerant

πŸ‘︎ 89
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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_love_420
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2016
🚨︎ report
I dragged a quart of milk 3,000ft up El Capitan in Yosemite this week

I dragged a quart of milk 3,000ft up El Capitan in Yosemite to tell this LEDGE AND DAIRY joke to my pun loving climbing partner

https://i.imgur.com/vClqWea.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gtluke
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
🚨︎ report
People that don't like this subreddit are perhaps lactose intolerant...

They can't handle cheesy jokes

πŸ‘︎ 75
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2016
🚨︎ report
Deja Moo

Oh MOOgosh. This might just sound like a load of Bull, but please STEER me out.

Deja Moo (Sung to the tune of Fresh Prince of Bel-air)


Now these are puns all about COWS

Their milk gets flipped, churned all around.

And I’d like to take a minute but I won’t stop and prattle

And tell you this story you haven’t HERD about cattle.


In IstanBULL I was born and BRAISED.

In the pastures back then in my HAYDAYS.

Chewing cud, RUMPING round, and making a fuss.

TANNING out so UDDERLY ridiculous.


When a couple of HEIFERS who had BEEF with me

Started BULLying on my Brand , you see.

I got TIPPED over once and my mom got scared

She said you're MOOvin your behind, your butt, your DAIRY Air.


I whistled for a calf and when it came near

Thought she was a babe, but HE was a STEER!

If anything I can say this STEAK is rare

But that Bovine was BO-FINE so I didn’t care!


I got milked a few times, maybe 7 or 8

More like long-gonehorn, than reliable date.

So I CHUCKED out the udder half of the pasture,

Bevo ain’t a cow, don’t got what I’m after.


Fun fact: a Dairy Cow can produce 125lbs of saliva a day.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KrazyCasey412
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2016
🚨︎ report
Regarding the diets of dairy cows.

I grew up in Vermont. Around my town were plenty of dairy farms, inviting the always wonderful manure aroma. An aroma that nearly forced my father to inhale deeply through his nose, saying, "Ah, fresh Vermont air!"

That's an excellent Dad one liner, as are most dad jokes, but he had another great one that I'm getting to.

You see, the hay bails we saw growing up in Vermont were mostly the cube variety. Hay bailing technology at the time created cubes of hay, so that's what dotted the fields they'd graze in.

As we grew older, we starting noticing the now more common round bails of hay. Dad was not pleased.

I asked him what the problem was or, at least, what his problem was with the round bails. The best jokes are set up when you ask for them.

So, he tells me. New farming technology allowed the round bails to be created more efficiently. They used less fuel in the bailers, took less passes on the field to gather the hay. They used less twine, and even though they didn't fill a truck as well as square bails, there was still a net monetary gain from the efficiency gained elsewhere.

However, studies were done on the bails. The cows approached them differently due to the different alignment of surface area. The way the rain hit the bails and rolled off as opposed to soaking in leached nutrients out of the hay. Some cows even mistook the shape of bail for another animal, and approached them so nervously that their heart rates were known to raise significantly; such a rate that a tinge of acidity could be tasted by those in the know in their milk.

What all of this amounted to... is that with the new round bails of hay, the cows just weren't getting a good square meal.

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/estomasi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2013
🚨︎ report
Sleep-Deprivation Fueled Pun War

My friend (L) and I (B) ended up in a pun war. She had to wake up super early to catch a flight, and this was at about one in the morning:

L: I should definitely set my alarm to 'cow' o.O

B: Haha, do it. Nothing like waking up to cows in the 'moo'rning.

L: Oh my gosh. Absolutely not.

B: Hey, but it would be so 'udder'ly hilarious!

L: I just got stabbed to death by a pun.

B: I'm just trying to 'milk' it for all it's worth...

L: If I did that, I'm not sure I'd wake up in a happy 'moo'od.

B: Just drink some 'calf'inated coffee, and you'll be fine.

L: I'd be laughing 'stock' of the town... Cows don't have a sense of humor.

B: Bull!

L: I'll just use my cowculator do determine how much sleep I'm actually going to get tonight...

B: You could wake up a little later, but you'd have to 'hoof' it to the airport.

L: Hope the weather is good, so my plane isn't 'ground'ed 'beef'.

B: That's stretching it... You should make more of an 'heifer't to come up with good puns.

L: I know when I'm getting creamed.

B: It's hard to 'steer' you in the right direction, because you keep changing topics.

L: That's udderly ridiculous. I'm just trying to mooove on.

B: And I just keep churning 'em out...

L: No, you're just spinning your 'veal's.

B: That's one of the best ones I've herd all night!

L: I thought I might've butchered it...

B: PETA might have a beef with you because of it, though...

L: Well done, well done...

B: I don't think they care leather or not you personally slaughtered it, too.

L: See now, I wish you'd stop 'grilling' me about the bad puns... You should 'patty' yourself on the back. I 'dairy' you to come up with more.

B: Well, you can certainly steak a claim for being able to hold your own...

L: I'm a natural 'barn' comedian. However, I really should quit 'yak'king and go to bed. :p

B: Okay, that's not cows... You lose. You 'cud' have done a lot better.

L: The grass is greener on the other side, okay? Also, cows live in barns, and yaks are related to cows.

B: It was still quite a stretch... Don't have a cow about it.

L: Ha anymoo. Goodnight! Also, don't die of mad cow disease.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/guerrilla154
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2015
🚨︎ report
My boss asked me to skim through a document

So today at work, my boss asked us to skim through a document regarding a new/old procedure. When she finished I ask if I could almond milk it since I don't drink dairy.

They actually laughed.

I don't know if I should feel proud or embarrassed for them that they thought it was actually funny.

Maybe a bit of a and b.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Prockles
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2017
🚨︎ report
Grandpa hit me with this jem

So just the other day someone assaulted me with cheese milk and yogurt! How dairy

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Copper27
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2015
🚨︎ report
A man just assaulted me with milk, butter and cheese! How dairy!
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call a dairy cow that can't produce any milk?

An udder failure.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dirkmer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2017
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Once a man assaulted me with milk, butter, and cheese.

How dairy.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BigPoon23
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
🚨︎ report
If a cow doesn’t produce milk, it’s both an udder failure, and a milk dud.
πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/superflyguy87
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Milk

Did you hear about the milk that went to the moon?

It was Legen-dairy.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the famous cow?

They say her milk is Legend Dairy

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DestroyatronMk8
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 76
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do cow farms smell so bad?

It's from the Dairy Air

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2016
🚨︎ report
A man just assaulted me with milk, cream and butter.

How dairy

πŸ‘︎ 181
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mattlg94
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2018
🚨︎ report
I want to make a milk factory and name the company "Legend"

It'll be "Legend-Dairy"

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Albatraous
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2016
🚨︎ report
What's the fastest liquid in the world?

Milk

It's pasteurized before you see it!

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mr-gem-524
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2017
🚨︎ report

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