Cut my pizza into four slices…

Because I’m not hungry enough to eat six. β€” Yogi Berra

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/schroedingrrr
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 25 2021
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A rope walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says says, β€œGet out. We don’t serve rope in here.” So the rope goes out, cuts itself in two before tying the two sections together. It then pulls out a comb and combs its ends. The rope then walks back into the bar.

The bartender says, β€œHey! Aren’t you the rope that I just threw out?”

The rope replied, β€œNo. I’m a frayed knot.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/labink
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 27 2020
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If you walk into a forest and cut down a tree, but the tree doesn't understand why you cut it down.

Do you think it's stumped?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 42
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ZestycloseTelephone5
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 16 2021
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A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree.

β€œYou can't cut me down,” the tree complains. β€œI’m a talking tree!”

The man responds, β€œYou may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SmartassBrickmelter
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 22 2020
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Mom moves expensive cuts of beef into the top shelf.

Dad: The steaks have never been higher.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 54
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 07 2020
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Cut the potatoes into penis shapes and fill your boat with them. Now you are the captain of a ...

Dictatorship.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 23 2020
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A lumberjack went into a magic forest to gather wood. As he found the perfect tree to cut down, he began sharpening his axe, and the tree exclaimed, β€œNO! Don’t chop me down! I’m a talking tree!”

The lumberjack responded, β€œAnd you will dialogue.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/articElite0
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 16 2020
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A man walks into the pizza shop and orders a pizza. The worker asked if he wanted it cut into 4 pieces or 6 pieces.

The man said 4 because he probably wasn’t going to eat 6.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Mopi_is_short
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 19 2020
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The other day I walked into my son's room and found him with an open first aid kit, preparing to stitch up a cut on his forearm.

I told him to stop and that I would take him to the doctor for a more rofessional job. He told me he wanted to do it as he was working on his first aid merit badge for the boy scouts. So I said, "Suture self."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/danno49
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 14 2020
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A lumberjack went into a magical forest to cut a tree...

Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted "Wait! I'm a magical tree!"

The lumberjack grinned and said, "And you will dialogue".

πŸ‘οΈŽ 78
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ManOfTheInBetween
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 07 2018
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Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today

Now I have turds

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/joshkiba13
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 16 2019
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I went into the forest to cut down a tree...

It seemed pretty stumped as to what I was doing.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SerbianTarHeel
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 13 2019
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What do you call knifes and forks that have been cut into pieces?

cutlery

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SoulSilver1712
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 05 2018
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If you just cut the cheese into small pieces...

... that would be grate!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/EvilUncleTed
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 31 2017
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I can cut a picture into half with my eyes

Yes of course, I saw it

πŸ‘οΈŽ 44
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/concaved
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 13 2016
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Cut my puns into pieces i.reddituploads.com/2536f…
πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Mairiphinc
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 03 2017
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Cut my life into pieces

Make it the reeses sort

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 08 2016
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If you walk into a forest and cut down a tree, but the tree doesn't understand why you cut it down, do you think it's stumped?
πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 07 2019
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If you walk into a forest and cut down a tree, but the tree doesn't understand why you cut it down, do you think it's stumped?
πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 14 2019
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If you walk into a forest and cut down a tree, but the tree doesn't understand why you cut it down,

do you think it's stumped?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/udrys
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 26 2019
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A lumberjack went into a magic forest to cut down a tree upon arrival he started cutting down trees until one tree shouted wait I'm a talking tree

Which he responded and you will dialogue!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/xavierestes
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 02 2019
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