Cut my pizza into four slices…

Because I’m not hungry enough to eat six. β€” Yogi Berra

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/schroedingrrr
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2021
🚨︎ report
A rope walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says says, β€œGet out. We don’t serve rope in here.” So the rope goes out, cuts itself in two before tying the two sections together. It then pulls out a comb and combs its ends. The rope then walks back into the bar.

The bartender says, β€œHey! Aren’t you the rope that I just threw out?”

The rope replied, β€œNo. I’m a frayed knot.”

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
🚨︎ report
If you walk into a forest and cut down a tree, but the tree doesn't understand why you cut it down.

Do you think it's stumped?

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree.

β€œYou can't cut me down,” the tree complains. β€œI’m a talking tree!”

The man responds, β€œYou may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Mom moves expensive cuts of beef into the top shelf.

Dad: The steaks have never been higher.

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Cut the potatoes into penis shapes and fill your boat with them. Now you are the captain of a ...

Dictatorship.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
A lumberjack went into a magic forest to gather wood. As he found the perfect tree to cut down, he began sharpening his axe, and the tree exclaimed, β€œNO! Don’t chop me down! I’m a talking tree!”

The lumberjack responded, β€œAnd you will dialogue.”

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/articElite0
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A man walks into the pizza shop and orders a pizza. The worker asked if he wanted it cut into 4 pieces or 6 pieces.

The man said 4 because he probably wasn’t going to eat 6.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mopi_is_short
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
🚨︎ report
The other day I walked into my son's room and found him with an open first aid kit, preparing to stitch up a cut on his forearm.

I told him to stop and that I would take him to the doctor for a more rofessional job. He told me he wanted to do it as he was working on his first aid merit badge for the boy scouts. So I said, "Suture self."

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/danno49
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2020
🚨︎ report
A lumberjack went into a magical forest to cut a tree...

Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted "Wait! I'm a magical tree!"

The lumberjack grinned and said, "And you will dialogue".

πŸ‘︎ 78
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ManOfTheInBetween
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2018
🚨︎ report
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today

Now I have turds

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/joshkiba13
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I went into the forest to cut down a tree...

It seemed pretty stumped as to what I was doing.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SerbianTarHeel
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call knifes and forks that have been cut into pieces?

cutlery

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SoulSilver1712
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2018
🚨︎ report
If you just cut the cheese into small pieces...

... that would be grate!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EvilUncleTed
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2017
🚨︎ report
I can cut a picture into half with my eyes

Yes of course, I saw it

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/concaved
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2016
🚨︎ report
Cut my puns into pieces i.reddituploads.com/2536f…
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mairiphinc
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2017
🚨︎ report
Cut my life into pieces

Make it the reeses sort

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2016
🚨︎ report
If you walk into a forest and cut down a tree, but the tree doesn't understand why you cut it down, do you think it's stumped?
πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
🚨︎ report
If you walk into a forest and cut down a tree, but the tree doesn't understand why you cut it down, do you think it's stumped?
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
If you walk into a forest and cut down a tree, but the tree doesn't understand why you cut it down,

do you think it's stumped?

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/udrys
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2019
🚨︎ report
A lumberjack went into a magic forest to cut down a tree upon arrival he started cutting down trees until one tree shouted wait I'm a talking tree

Which he responded and you will dialogue!

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xavierestes
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.