I went to a wedding that was so moving everyone was crying.
Even the cake was in tiers.
What starts with 'O' and ends with 'nions' and sometimes make you cry?
Grape’s don’t cry when they get crushed...
But they do let out a little “wine”!
Why was the 2 yr old unvaccinated child crying?
My mom cried while cutting onions
Onions was such a good dog
What is a child most likely going to cry?
What day of the week cries the most?
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
My wife sent me a heartwarming text that read, “If you're sleeping, send me your dreams. If you're laughing, send me your smile. If you're eating, send me a bite. If you're drinking, send me a sip. If you're crying, send me your tears. I love you!”
I replied, “I'm on the toilet, please advise…”
My son and daughter cried when I chopped onions
I took my son to see Santa today, but as soon as he sat on his knee he started crying. "What's wrong?" I asked.
"It's this job! I hate it!"
*This is a literal Dad Joke my father used to tell when I was a kid about 30 years ago. He's almost 80 now and it still makes him laugh.* - So, there was this man named James Fart. Everybody made fun of him since he was very young. "James Fart! James Fart" the bullies used to make him cry...
He came of age among this suffering and at 21 was finally able to legally change his name. He arrived at the government office where he presented himself:
-I'm James Fart and I want to legally change my name!
Of course they laughed at him (everybody did) but eventually they all settled and came around to the situation.
-Ok, so... your current name is.. ·chuckles· James Fart... I'm sorry, I just...
-I know, everybody has been laughing at my name since as long as I can remember.
After a long and tedious process, everything is ready.
-Very well, sorry for the delays but you know how hard this protocols are. The good news: you are no longer "James Fart", what name do you want instead?
-Charles Fart.
The best thing to do with a crying baby is throw them in the air.
Because what goes up must calm down.
My son was crying because his mom took his Xbox...
... so I had to console him.
Why does a bride always cry at her wedding?
Cus she never marries the best man
What do you call a small group of crying, pleasant-smelling, chivalrous heroes?
Me: Officer, why are you crying while writing me a ticket?
Cop: It’s such a moving violation.
Ever wondered what to say to your sister when she’s crying ?
“Are you having a crisis ?”
Why is the baby strawberry crying?
Because its mom and dad are in a jam
What's made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?
My son told me that when it rains it means God is crying.
I agreed with him and told him it was probably because of something he did.
I once sat next to a baby on a 10 hour flight. I had no idea that it was possible for someone to cry for 10 hours straight.
Even the baby was impressed.
Why is the baby strawberry crying?
Because its parents are jamming
My son cried when he lost his first girlfriend. I told him don't worry its not the end of the world
An anteater walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Can I get you a drink?" "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!" "How about something to eat?" "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!" "What about some peanuts?" "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!"
Frazzled, the bartender cries, "What's with the long no's!?"
My 4 year old daughter came crying that she couldn't find her Barbie dolls. Apparently, my 2 year old son threw them in fire last night for fun.
Why do I always cry when I wake up?
It’s too early in the mourning!
*Cries in valentine's day*
I took my 8-year old girl to the office with me on, "Take Your Kid to Work Day." As we were walking around the office, she starting crying and getting very cranky, so I asked what was wrong with her.
As my coworkers gathered round, she sobbed loudly, "Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said that you worked with?!"
what do you call a tree that will never give you up, never let you down, never gonna run around and desert you?
My neighbor ran over from his farm and was sobbing. “My sheep are missing!” He cried. “My sheep are missing! Please help me!”
I said “that sounds like a ewe problem.”
I felt really sad when I saw a girl on TV crying and saying, “I Miss America!”
Then someone corrected her grammar and gave her a sash and a tiara.
A squid seaman cried helplessly:
"I've lost my ten tackles!"
My son came home to find me slumped over the lawn mower crying my eyes out. He shouted over the noise, "You ok, pop?!" I shouted back...
"I'm fine!! I'm just going through a rough patch!"
A bit startled, I asked, "Officer, why are you crying while writing me my ticket?” He sighed...
"It’s a moving violation!"
When I was a young boy, I was walking down a gravel road with my grandpa. I accidentally slipped and fell to the ground, cutting my knees. Grandpa gently bent down and began to clean the wound, removing the little pebbles now embedded in my skin as I cried...
I'd always heard adults talk about it, but I finally knew what they were talking about.
I'll never forget the pain of my first kid knee stones...
There is a HUGE snowstorm today in Washington, DC
There are thousands of snowflakes gathering in DC, crying because they lost the election and they can't con their way to victory.
“Officer, are you crying while writing me a ticket?”
Cop: it’s a .....moving violation.
“Officer, are you crying while you are writing me a ticket?”
Cop: It’s a...moving violation.
“Officer, are you crying while writing me a ticket?”
Cop: Yes. It’s quite a moving violation.
Why was the baby strawberry crying?
Because it's parents were in a jam
Grapes don't cry when they're crushed
Everyone at our wedding cried
Even our wedding cake was in tiers
What starts with “o” and ends with “nions” and sometimes make you cry?
Why do brides cry at the wedding ?
Because they never marry the best man !
What do you call a crying sister?
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