A person who crushes can for a living is always sad
Because his job is Soda pressing
What do you get when a giant orange crushes a synagogue?
My dad after he crushes a bug
"I bet he doesn't have the guts to try that again"
Dad would use this with my high school lady crushes
A guy is standing at a train station in philadelphia, he walks up to the ticket window to get a ticket, when the guy walks up to the window he notices the ticket person is a babe with a "pair of knockers". The man needed to get home quick and was distracted by the knockers and when she asked the guy how she could help, he quickly said "i need two pickets to tittsburgh, please"
god dammit dad...
The saddest activity in my life...is crushing coke cans.
My uncle worked in a can crushing plant...
His job was soda pressing.
I used to have a job crushing pop cans
Since the pandemic, my friend has been doing well selling vases made from herbs mixed with ancient crushed Chinese plates...
That's pretty good thyme-Ming.
After she cancelled several dates with me, I told my crush she should start dating wheelchair-bound men…
because she’s really good at standing guys up.
my crush came over to play with legos
it was a good way to build a relationship
An old man owned a dolphin and some children asked him why. The old man smiled and said, "When I was younger, my dreams were crushed, so I bought the dolphin because..."
"Buying him gave me a porpoise in life."
I sent a message to my crush
We need to be very careful about collapsing Wall Street so we don’t get crushed by Roof Street
Posted on shower thoughts first, they told me to bring it here. I should have thought of that first. Anyways here ya go.
What did the grape say when it's crushed?
Nothing. It just let out a little wine.
I found out my crush is single, but she has COVID
Maybe I could be her new taste in men
Grape’s don’t cry when they get crushed...
But they do let out a little “wine”!
I spent all day crushing coke cans yesterday.
My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books.
I told him that he's only got his shelf to blame.
My dream of becoming the first professional boxer/pirate were crushed....
The boxing commission said my right hook was illegal.
I told the alphabet to my crush…
She said I missed out the letters, U R A Q T, I responded with “thanks!”
I get sad when I have to crush my drink cans
I had a crush in high school...
I was watching a series about crushed tomatoes but I fell asleep.
Now I have to ketchup.
edit: my boyfriend is incredibly proud of his joke so this became my first reddit post
Me: I think I have a crush on Beyoncé.
Her: Whatever floats your boat.
Me: No. That’s buoyancy.
So I was buying cheese the other day when the clerk came out with a large wheel. Problem is, they tripped, landing on the wheel and crushed it. He asked if I still wanted it. I said no. He asked why.
I simple told him "It's no Gouda!"
My uncle was crushed by a piano....
His funeral was very low key
I dreamt last night I was swimming in an ocean full of orange soda. Then I woke up..
..and realized it was just a Fanta sea.
Police say a man died after being crushed under a pile of books
He only has his shelf to blame.
When your crush walks in your class
I had a crush on my science lab partner, then she left the school
I lost My Chemical Romance
I asked my crush to pass me a chair
Cuz I was falling hard for him.
Can you guys come up with a pun using my crush’s name?
Her name is Amelia can you guys help me out?
Why did the can crusher quit his job?
Because it was soda-pressing.
I crushed a grape. It started wining.
I always yield to vehicles that look like they could crush my car. They have the right of weigh.
Self isolation is getting so bad I’m starting to crush on my roommate.
And we’ve been married more than 27 years!
I asked my crush out
She said I was living in a Fanta-sy
While cooking, I asked my wife if we have any Sage. She said "We have some ground sage"
I asked her "Do we have any sage that's not on the floor?"
My crush came over to play legos
It was a good way to build our relationship
My crush came over to play legos
It was a good way to build a relationship
I got a job crushing cans, and I hate it.
Finally got a steady job, crushing cans
What did the grape say when it got crushed?
Nothing. It just let out a little wine.
The saddest activity in my life is crushing my Coke cans.
All I do is crush cans all day!
Today I was crushed by a pile of books
I've only my shelf to blame.
Grapes don't cry when they're crushed
I have a job crushing coke cans
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