Why do Germans skip the number 10 when counting?

It goes 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, nein 10.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WantedDadorAlive
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2021
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They counted up the number of wells on Keanu Reaves self sustainable farm and added them together.

Wholesome

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πŸ‘€︎ u/canuck_4423
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2022
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What Do You Call A Religious Weapon

NUN-CHUCK

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MassZge
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2022
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Perhaps my my proudest dad moment came to me today, when my aunt asked my son if he'd grown an extra foot since she saw him last.

To which I responded "Nope, still just the same two he started with!" to which 8 people collectively paused then groaned. I think I've peaked.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MasterOfBunnies
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2022
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Why do gen z-ers only count odd numbers of books these days?

They literally can’t even right now okay?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tricky_Feed_544
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2021
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I broke up with a guy years ago due to his obsession with counting...

.... I wonder what he's up to these days.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TOYST_OF
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2022
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Broke up with an ex years ago because she had a weird obsession with counting…

I wonder what she’s up to nowadays

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πŸ‘€︎ u/98rascal
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2022
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My son asked me if i could count numbers in German.

I told him 9

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
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Today has been ruff.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Harry120803
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2022
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A list of over 350 Dad Jokes!

Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.

3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.

5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.

A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.

A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. β€œI’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,” it says. β€œSorry, but I can’t serve you,” the bartender replies. β€œYou’re out of your head.”

A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'

A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.

A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. β€œWe don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender says. β€œWhy not?” one yogurt asks. β€œWe’re cultured.”

A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.

A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.

A guy walks into a bar, and there’s a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, β€œWhat are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?” The guy says, β€œIt’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”

A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, β€œWhat’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, β€œArrr! I’ve got a Bounty on me head!”

A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, β€œI don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

Armed robbersβ€”some say they’re a drain on society, but you’ve got to give it to them.

Barbers…you have to take your hat off to them.

Can February March? No, but April May!

Cooking out this weekend? Don’t forget the pickle. It’s kind of a big dill.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.

Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.

Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!

Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.

Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. There’s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewis… Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?

Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!

Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bugasum
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2022
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What is the highest number that a plant can count to?

Tree

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stenlang
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
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A mummy, a werewolf, a witch, Frankenstein's monster, and Dracula walk into a restaurant.

The hostess asks them how many they need seating for. The mummy tries to answer, but no one can understand it. Frankenstein's monster just says "FOOOOD." The werewolf turns around to the group and starts numbering them off, and realizes Dracula is missing.

The hostess asks again, "How many in the party?"

The werewolf turns back to get and answers, "I'm not sure. I lost Count."

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2022
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A guy walks into a bar and sees that there are dozens of cuts of meat hanging from the ceiling.

Confused, he asks the bartender why this is.

β€œWell, it’s a promotion we are running. If you can jump up and grab one, you get a free New York Strip dinner, on us! But, if you attempt to do so and miss, you gotta buy one for every person here instead.”

The guy takes a moment to scan the bar, counting up the number of patrons in his head, before turning to the bartender and replying

β€œAh, no thanks. The steaks are too high.”

β€”β€”β€” Shout out to my dad for telling me this joke dozens of times throughout my life. It never fails to get a laugh outta a new crowd. Thanks Joe, you da best.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dearghewls
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2022
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I had to break up with this girl who just would not stop counting.

I wonder what she’s up to now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
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I wanted to learn the basics of binary so I bought a book titled Binary 101...

Sadly it was useless. It was the 5th in the series.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hallsguide
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2021
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Why is yoda afraid of 7?

Because six, seven eight.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BrotherZ1ox
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
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I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend :(

She was still obsessed with her x

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Meioxy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2021
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Pirate Ship Captain: I am desperate. Can someone tell me how to write the number 2 in Roman numerals?

Crew: I I Captain.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
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What was a very common name in the middle ages?

I heard parents named their children lance a lot.

First post please don't kill me

Edit: i went to sleep and now my inbox is dead, thank you kind strangers for the awards!

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2021
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The Communist ....Party
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Saxonez
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
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I miss my ex-girlfriend, we split up over her constant habit of counting..

Wonder what She's up to now..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2021
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A good guide I found to falling down the stairs

Step 1

Step 2

Step 4

Step 7

Step 10

Step 15

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OptimalMongoose2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2022
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Well calculated response
πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
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Did you hear about the mathematician that was afraid of negative numbers?

He'll stop at nothing to avoid them

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πŸ‘€︎ u/st_jimmy_02
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
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I signed up for a Binary 101 class, but I failed it miserably.

Turns out it’s a Level 5 course.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
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Noah's berries.

It's not well known that among the species of plants taken aboard Noah's Ark was a very odd berry. This berry had a special property where if you ate too few at once they would be sour, but if you ate too many at once they would be bitter. Even stranger was that the right number of berries to eat at once for perfect sweetness was different for each person.

Shem would never take enough berries and would complain every time "Ugh! These berries are so sour! Why did we bring these plants?" Noah would reply "I've told you over and over, you need to eat a couple more in a mouthful to make them sweet."

Ham would always take too many berries and would complain every time "Ick! These berries are so bitter! I'd like to toss the plants overboard." Noah would reply "I've told you over and over, you need to eat fewer in a mouthful to make them sweet."

Japeth would grab a random amount and whenever they were bitter or sour he'd complain "Why do these berries never taste the same? We should let the animals eat the plants so we don't have to eat the silly berries." Noah would reply "I've told you over and over, you should remember how many berries taste the best."

After a couple of weeks of this, Noah announced "I'm taking charge of portioning the berries. I've made notes of how many of them taste the best for me, my wife, all of you my sons, and your wives. At meals I'll give each of you the correct amount, and NO MORE COMPLAINTS!"

Another week passed and Japeth wanted some berries to take the edge off his hunger, but rather than wander all over the whole ark looking for his father he asked Emzara "Where's dad? I'd like some berries before lunch."

Emzara pointed to the storeroom and said "I thought you were tired of the berries? But there's Noah, counting for taste."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GreggAlan
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
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Lidocaine takes the pain away...

But counting makes you number.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jollyroger24
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2021
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I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9.

The odds were against me.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2016
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For math lovers and others to
  1. Why was the fraction apprehensive about marrying the decimal? Because he would have to convert.

  2. Why do plants hate math? It gives them square roots.

  3. Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average? It was a mean thing to say!

  4. Why was the math book depressed? It had a lot of problems.

  5. Why is the obtuse triangle always so frustrated? Because it is never right.

  6. Why can you never trust a math teacher holding graphing paper? HeΒ must be plotting something.

  7. Why was the equal sign so humble? Because she knew she wasn’t greater than or less than anyone else.

  8. What do you call the number 7 and the number 3 when they go out on a date? The odd couple

  9. What do you call a number that can’t stay in one place? A Roamin’ numeral.

  10. Did you hear the one about the statistician? Probably.

  11. What do you call dudes who love math? Algebros.

  12. I’ll do algebra, I’ll do trig. I’ll even do statistics. But graphing is where I draw the line!

  13. Why should you never talk to Pi? Because she’ll go on and on and on forever.

  14. Why are parallel lines so tragic if they have so much in common? It’s a shame they’ll never meet.

  15. Are monsters good at math? Not unless you Count Dracula.

  16. What’s the best way to flirt with a math teacher? Use acute angle.

  17. Did you hear about the mathematician who is afraid of negative numbers? They’d stop at nothing to avoid them.

  18. How do you stay warm in any room? Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.

  19. Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven eight ("ate") nine!

  20. Why DID seven eat nine? Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!

  21. Why does nobody talk to circles? Because there is no point.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/InvestWithArihant
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
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Once upon a time in numberland, a three-person race was held

In it took part the Minus sign, and the numbers zero and -2. All three ended the race at precisely the same time.

-2, Minus Won; 0 Won Too.

(Reddit, I am counting on you to make this stupid joke popular!)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/keychainoi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
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There are 10 types of people in this world...

...those that know binary, and those that don't.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/operez1990
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2016
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Voicemail dad joke

My grandpa (RIP)'s outgoing voicemail message used to give their phone # instead of their name. "Hi, you've reached 555-1234, leave your message at the beep."

Obviously, my dad always replied with "Hello, this is 555-6789, give us a call back when you can." Every time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/feminaprovita
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2013
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[Wholesum] Euler Meets St. Peter at the Pearly Gates

St. Peter: Your number's up Euler, and Isaac Newton says you have to count all the spheres in the universe before you can enter heaven. What say ye?

Euler: Sigma balls, Dick.


Sigma is used to notate summation.

Summation is the process of adding things together.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Target359
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2018
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I'm planning a science experiment

I teach Physics. One of my students pointed out to me that I nod my head a lot as I'm talking with students one on one or in small groups. When we get to waves, I'm going to ask them to count the number of times I nod my head in one class. Then they can calculate the frequency at which I nod my head, or in other words, how much my head Hertz.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drakeonaplane
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2015
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Terrible Joke Alert #2

Did you hear the one about the number theorist who was arrested? They say he was guilty on all counts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Physicsboy2018
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
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More of a grandpa joke

My grandparents on my dad's side would always have my brother and I over for Christmas when we were younger (around when I was 5-10 and my brother was 9-14). They always had a little tree in addition to their big one. The small tree had a bunch of those stereotypical ornaments (round, plain, solid color) in a bunch of different colors. My brother and I would always have fun counting the number of a specific color of ornament separately, then comparing our answers. However, every time we would, we would get different answers, so we'd recount, then get different answers again!

Anyway, just this last year (me being 18, my brother being 22), we reminded our grandfather of this. He laughed, said he remembered it, then said "well, why don't you count up the red ones again, see what you get? I'll tell you if you're right."

We agreed, and got to it. We each counted 3 times separately, then compared, then decided to average them. We got around 24 for the red ones, so went to tell our grandpa. After saying we weren't sure, we asked how many there were. He laughed and said "Darn, I don't know! I was hoping you guys could get a number so I wouldn't have to!"

Not that funny when retold, but it was hilarious then

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SMS450
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2013
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Why do millennials only count using odd numbers?

Because the CANT even.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spookyboy96
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
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I can count the number of times I’ve been to Chernobyl on one hand.

7

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cjborange
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
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I won the lottery today!

Well, I only got the first two numbers, but my lawyers are working on having them stop the count.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cockneybastard
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2022
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I can count on one hand the number of times I've been to Chernobyl...

...seven.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fenga428
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
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There's so many bad puns on this sub' it's making me just feel numb, and don't talk about the math ones..

..they make me feel even number.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
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There are 3 types of people in the world:

1: The ones who can count

3: The ones who can’t

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PossiblyDumb66
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
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Did you hear about the mathematician who was afraid of negative numbers ?

He'll stop at nothing to avoid them

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2020
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