I got dad joked while at work and quickly countered with one of my own.

I'm a server at a restaurant part time, and the other week I was serving a table of around 8 people. I went over to check on them and see if anyone was done so I could clear their plates. They said they weren't done...

Me - Okay I was just checking, I don't want you to think I'm rushin you.

The dad - Yeah I don't think anybody here is Russian.

Me - Yeah but is anyone Finnish?

The whole table busted out laughing. I walked away satisfied and was also left a handsome tip.

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/atticuskraft
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2014
🚨︎ report
I countered a customer's dadjoke with another dadjoke.

A guy holding a large bundle of birthday balloons got into my cab last night.

Him: So... do you accept balloon payments?

Me: Normally I would, but inflation has just been so high recently...

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tongueston
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2014
🚨︎ report
[request] need a counter pun for this taco Bell ad imgur.com/Sa46xQ4
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PreludeKilla
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
🚨︎ report
An old guy goes to the chemist and asks the pharmacist, "Is there some pills that can help with sex?" The pharmacist says, "Yes, Viagra, it's awesome, I take it myself" The old guy asks, "Can you get it over the counter?" Pharmacist replies, "If I took 2 or 3, probably."
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/M_Arslan_Tahir
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2021
🚨︎ report
What do the chefs call that one counter where all the veggies are kept?

Vegetable

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chashme_Wali
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
My cat fell off the kitchen counter trying to push the food bowl...

I guess there is a mis-cat-culation

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gp_11
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
🚨︎ report
First last time I made a kichen counter it was too small

Sinds then I have started to take countermeasures to avoid that

Edit: ignore the "last" I messed it up...

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/T_bizon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees. The clerk carefully counts 13 bees out onto the counter. β€œThat’s one too many!” says the customer.

The clerk replies β€œIt’s a freebie”

πŸ‘︎ 23k
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Last night my son saw a mouse in the kitchen so he wiped down all the counters and cleaned everything...

Tonight I'm putting the mouse in the bathroom.

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/multiplefroggs
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Dis(s)counter
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
When I came home today my wife had some Little Debbie Zerbra Cakes on the counter. I pick one up and say "A Zebra Cake?"

"Don't mind if I Zoo."

She just gave me a glare and went back to what she was doing.

Totally worth it.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wene324
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I own a steakhouse pub in which the counter can actually pop in and out of the floor

Let's say I raised the bar and set the steaks.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SumFunnyOne
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Since this is a β€œNana” tree (common name for Juniperus Procumens Green Mountain Juniper bonsai), it was suggested I have a β€œba”. Therefore, since the stock ticker for Boeing is BA, I bought a toy 787. That means there is now a β€œbanana” on the counter.
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LaceyGayGuy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I really want to buy one of the grocery checkout dividers but the lady behind the counter keeps putting it back
πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RLalaggin
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
🚨︎ report
An beautiful woman orders a turkey sandwich at a deli, with pickles on the side. The guy behind the counter looks at her and says, "You like big pickles?" and winks. As he slides her a pastrami sandwich she looks at him, smiles, licks her lips and says

Wait, wrong sub.

πŸ‘︎ 675
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πŸ‘€︎ u/baconaboot
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I walked into the pet store and I spoke to the guy at the counter.

"I'm looking for an inexpensive pet and I heard your birds are going cheep"

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
🚨︎ report
A Mexican man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks...

He found his way to the men's department where a young lady offered to help him. "Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here," said the salesgirl. "No, no quiero trajes. Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"Well, these shirts are on sale this week," declared the salesgirl. "No, no quiero camisas. Quiero calcetines," repeated the man.

"I still don't know what you're trying to say. We have some fine pants on this rack," offered the salesgirl. "No, no quiero pantalones. Quiero calcetines," insisted the man.

"These sweaters are top quality," the salesgirl probed. "No, no quiero sueter. Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"Our undershirts are over here," fumbled the salesgirl, beginning to lose patience. "No, no quiero camisetas. Quiero calcetines," the man repeated.

As they passed the underwear counter, the man spotted a display of socks and happily grabbed a pair. Holding them up he proclaimed, "Β‘Eso sΓ­ que es!"

"Why didn't you just spell it in the first place?!" yelled the salesgirl.

πŸ‘︎ 94
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyberentomology
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report
What is blue and not heavy?

Light blue

Edit: Thank you fellow internet strangers for all the awards!

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NYC_Dweller
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked the guy at the meat counter for a couple of t-bones, but he gave me some sirloins instead.

He later apologized for his mis-steak.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HeyWhatsItToYa
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My cat got on my bathroom counter and started knocking things off

It was counter-productive

(My cat didn’t laugh at it either)

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Abtino11
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
🚨︎ report
One word of wisdom my father gave me about trading countertops:

Never take quartz for granite.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/43eyes
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
🚨︎ report
A cat that is naturally good at navigating kitchen surfaces is counter intuitive.
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bargeral
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I bought a DIY table today. There were no instructions.

It was counter intuitive.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
🚨︎ report
My buddy just installed a new counter top

I just hope he doesn’t take it for granite

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What does a country in Europe have to do with a dirty counter?

Germany

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/techtornado
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I made a salad when the tomato rolled off the counter

As it landed upon my foot, I exclaimed

I took a Tomato Tomato!!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spydmike
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife was fighting me about doing our kitchen in granite or laminate. She finally told me that we just can’t afford granite right now.

I have to admit... it was a pretty good counter argument.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Bananas produce enough radiation to set off sensitive geiger counters.

That would mean a banana tree is a nuclear plant.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheFailureKing
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I walked in the shop, glimpsing my beard covered in snow as I entered

"You're a few weeks late aren't you Santa?" the girl behind the counter joked, smiling.

"Ho, ho, ho!" I fired back at her, in an uncharacteristic misogynistic outburst.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PhatPhlaps
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Wouldn't 'Counter Clock Wise' just be

Clock Stupid.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Last Christmas we bought a fake Christmas tree.

The guy behind the counter said to my dad, "Are you going to put it up yourself?".

Dad replied, "Don't be disgusting, I'm going to put it in the living room."

πŸ‘︎ 954
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
You wouldn't know it by looking at him, but my friend is a natural at remodeling kitchens.

He's counter intuitive

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SplashbackDeuce
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Man walks into a butcher store and sees a side of beef strapped to the ceiling. As he approaches the counter he asked asks β€œHey, what’s with the beef?”

Butcher tells him if he can jump up and touch it, he gets half off his purchase. If not, he pays double. The man looks up at the beef and says,

β€œNah. The steaks are too high.”

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tkl15
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Those counter top companies are taking money

For granite.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/U4gotmycheese
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when you do your work on a shelf

Being counter-productive

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMeeme
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I was too rough with my kitchen counter and it broke.

I took it for granite.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I got fired for changing the wood on my jobs counter

I was just trying to spruce up the mood

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cauanguy1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
🚨︎ report
A guy walks into a coffee shop, goes the counter and asks, β€œSo what’s the special?” The barista shakes her head, β€œI can’t tell you, it’s a secret.”

The man frowns. β€œWhat do you mean it’s a secret? What’s the special today? Is it a latte?”

The barista shakes her head.

β€œA mocha?”

She shakes her head again.

β€œOh, come on! Tell me! A cappuccino?”

She shakes her head.

β€œAn affogato?”

She shakes her head.

The man is getting frustrated at this point. β€œCan you at least give me a clue!?”

The barista thinks for a moment, then points at a jar on the counter. β€œOk, the special is in this jar.”

β€œWhat is it?”

β€œI can’t tell you. It’s a secret.”

The man, enraged at this point, tries to grab the jar.

The barista grabs it too.

They fight for control and the man wretches it away only for the jar to fall on the ground and its contents spill out onto the floor.

The man stares, β€œIt’s just been normal coffee this whole time?!”

The barista shrugs, β€œI guess you spilled the beans.”

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
A man walked into a bar with his pet octopus. He went up to the counter and bet everyone in the bar $50 that they couldn’t bring the octopus a musical instrument that it couldn’t play...

One man pulled an old guitar off the wall that hadn’t been tuned in years and gave it to the octopus.

The octopus took the guitar, tuned it right up and began play.

There was no doubt that the octopus was an excellent guitar player.

The man paid his handler $50 and sat down.

Another man brought a saxophone to the octopus.

The octopus took it and stared for a bit.

After a minute or two the octopus began playing a deep and soulful jazz solo.

This man paid his $50 and sat down.

The bartender went into the back and brought out a set of bag pipes.

The bartender said, β€œI’ll bet $100 that the octopus can’t play these bagpipes.”

The man agreed and handed them to the octopus.

The octopus sat there eyeing the bagpipes up and down for quite awhile.

The handler began to get nervous so he said to the octopus, β€œHurry up and start playing the thing”

The octopus spewed, β€œPlay it?! I wanna marry her!"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
A guy walks up to the convenience store counter and tries to buy a six pack with a fake $20 bill.

The elderly woman clerk quickly realized it was fake and became enraged!! She started screaming, grabbed his hair and slammed his head on the counter until he was out cold.

She was SO upset she had a counter fit.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
🚨︎ report
A friend and I went to Mcdonalds. They have these new digital machines you order from. I had my friend order a mc-chicken at the counter at the same time I ordered an egg McMuffin at the machine.

I wanted to see what came first, the chicken or the egg.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dank_chair_memes
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
🚨︎ report
A horse walks into a bar and stands next to the counter quietly.

The bartender eventually asks if the horse wants a drink.

The horse says "Neigh"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MYZS
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I found a great mirror behind the counter at a mirror store

I could really see myself buying it

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pea6211
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2018
🚨︎ report
3 domesticated Rams are in the kitchen, labelled A, B & C

If you put a pumpkin on ram A, nothing happens. If you put a pumpkin on ram B you get the same result.

But if you put a pumpkin on Ram C it starts knocking things off counters, making a mess and abusing the kitchen staff.

I guess that is what happens when you put a gourd on ram c in the kitchen.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kriskidd21
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Counter space should be appreciated.
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ellllleaiche
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2019
🚨︎ report
A photon walks up to the airline counter

and the lady says, "You have any bags to check?"

The photon says, "No. I'm traveling light."

πŸ‘︎ 138
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πŸ‘€︎ u/InterwebWeasel
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2018
🚨︎ report
Last christmas we bought a fake christmas tree and the man behind the counter said, "Are you going to put it up yourself?"

Disgusted, Dad replied, "Don't be silly, I'm putting it in the living room!"

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
🚨︎ report

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