But it was a pack of lyes.
So mind your pees in queues.
Sometimes I think she takes me for granite.
They believe it is the remains of the long lost Pharaoh Rocher.
Not wanting to walk, I had to burro it.
Miso-Genie.
They are easier to read.
"That's terrible," the woman dispatcher on the phone replied. "Are they moving?"
"I'm not sure, to be honest," Dad said, "But that would explain the suitcase."
"Battery case contains assault".
Three guys stranded on a desert island find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says: ‘I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here.’
I heard it created quite a bit of a jam.
and early reports show that there could be as many as twenty thousand leeks under the sea.
Because everyone's been telling me to buy the dip.
Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus
Man I’m glad that’s out of the whey.
So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."
Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"
"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."
The man can't believe it.
"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"
Naturally, they're both shocked.
"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."
Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."
They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.
"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"
The man puts down his fruit and responds,
"It's a date!"
Envelope
I responded with "Well dam!"
He told me it was his first attempt at spam mail.
He really urn-ed it.
It was hummuside.
Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus
Edit: good lord, I didn’t know someone else posted this previously. I thought it was funny as heck and my kids rolled their eyes when I told it SO THERE.
It's the eye roll
Hey guys! I am getitng a puppy in a few months and her name is supposed to be Zoe. However since she is pure golden retriever because of some laws her full name has to to be “Give me your ‘name’” and I want it to be some kind of pun containing the word “Zoe” since that what she’s gonna be called like Zoedorable but something that matches the sentence and I though that maybe you guys can help.
I think it was Scampoo.
That's alot of information to swallow.
Because he was told his password had to contain 8 characters and at least one Capital
Looks like the boa cons tricked her...
Spine
I like to keep all my bases covered.
They are top aware.
Cost about $4.50
That's a plane fact.
I’m expecting to have a bad thyme.
From now on no joke will be published without their scents of humour.
I said "Maybe you should put it in the vegetable drawer"
It’s spam
Then he left and the door was ajar.
Looks like they're raising the chocolate bar.
Pulp fiction.
InVOLUMEtary
Because people always finnish their meals.
For Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus
