Yesterday I ate a clock, it was very time consuming.

Especially when I went back for seconds.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xIR0NPULSE
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2022
🚨︎ report
Michel Lotito had a strange ability to consume metal. He is said to have eaten an entire Cessna 150 light aircraft.

I imagine it would have tasted a little plane though

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/4wincle
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2022
🚨︎ report
My wife asked for peace and quite while she cooked

So I turned the smoke detector off

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Focus_Salt
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2022
🚨︎ report
In honor of St. Patrick, if I break the world record for the most Irish stout consumed in a single day...

Would that be a Guinness Guinness record?

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2022
🚨︎ report
A man was brought to the ER after having consumed $10,000 dollars in large bills. He was then sent to the ICU but,

No change is expected.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GreyMurphy01
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2022
🚨︎ report
It’s hard to get a hold of any M&M’s these days, because Sweden has garnered them all. Consumers strangely have sympathies though…

It’s the stock all M syndrome.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/joachim_s
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2022
🚨︎ report
A man orders some food at an international restaurant, but it’s difficult to chew and scratches up the inside of his mouth. He complains to the waiter that his food is painful to consume. The waiter replies:

β€œI’m sorry you don’t enjoy it sir. That’s one of our staple foods.”

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/P1nealColada
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2022
🚨︎ report
Why was Han Solo crying as he consumed his last meal, having been captured by the Imperial Army?

It was Chewy.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EgonVector
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2021
🚨︎ report
Where do dogs go after they lose their tail?

A retail store.

Aaaannnd I'm out....

πŸ‘︎ 776
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tekprojekt
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2022
🚨︎ report
Check it…… I consumed some hot peppers that ate out my insides.

It was hollow pain, yo!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/appletrucker
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2021
🚨︎ report
Have you ever tried to eat a clock?

It's very time consuming.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2022
🚨︎ report
My 10 yo came in and told me this one

Have you ever eaten a clock? It’s very time consuming, especially when I went back for seconds.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Haverich
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2022
🚨︎ report
Consumer reports rated silverware.

The knife made the cut

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ltRobinCrusoe
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2021
🚨︎ report
A physicist, a chemist, and a statistician walk into an office to discover the trash can is on fire.

The physicist announces "We must put the garbage can in the fridge so that the temperature will be below the ignition temperature and therefore put itself out!"

The chemist replies "No, we must cover the garbage can so that the fire consumes all of the oxygen and, in the absence of reactants,Β can no longer continue!"

Meanwhile, the two turn around to find that the statistician is running around the room setting everything else on fire. "What the hell are you doing??"

"Getting a proper sample size!"

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nermalbair
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2022
🚨︎ report
Thank you, good sir.
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife and I are dueling each other with Bridgerton jokes.

(For reference, the show's most iconic line is "I burn for you".)

It all started last night when I proposed we make butter. She thought that would be time-consuming, but I said I'd do it because "I churn for you."

She later retaliated by saying she was going to Switzerland because "I Bern for you".

I fired back that evening by rotating my body in bed. "I turn for you."

Just now she said we should take a pottery class. Then she laid it on me with "I urn for you".

But I was ready. "That sounds expensive, but don't worry - I earn for you."

So yeah countless villages have been ravaged and cities destroyed in our conquest. I'll keep you updated.

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Captpan6
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2022
🚨︎ report
I would not recommend eating your alarm clock…

they are way too time consuming!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AdGullible17
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2022
🚨︎ report
I just called up Gamestop consumer support.

They asked me to hold it.

πŸ‘︎ 68
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kishore05
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
🚨︎ report
HOW DOES A FILE CONSUME MEMORY,IN TERA-BITES😁
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Manlybutterly
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the dangerous alcoholic who consumed his booze from a sizzling Chinese frying pan?

He liked to drink risky on the woks

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/incredibleinkpen
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Bread
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Uphihion
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Why is it a bad idea to eat a clock?

Because it's time-consuming, and you always want seconds.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DaisyJaine
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Why was was the unrepentant Roman who consumed his wife neither surprised nor scared when he was thrown into the Colosseum?

He was gladiator already.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/trimofdoom
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I try and keep track of how much toffee I consume.

I keep a Heath Ledger

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zaxxonn26
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Shake well before consuming

Contents may have settled, started a family, and proliferated in the container.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Camo5
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My doctor said that I might die because I accidentally consumed clay.

I'm shitting bricks to be honest.

πŸ‘︎ 190
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Do not consume if seal is broken
πŸ‘︎ 84
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CREEPONATER
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
🚨︎ report
This sounds very time consuming, especially if they go for seconds. i.reddituploads.com/633d7…
πŸ‘︎ 389
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCats_Bananas
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2016
🚨︎ report
Today in veterinary class we learned that cows have 4 stomachs to digest the grasses they consume...

It's graze anatomy.

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Two guys walked into a bar...

You would think the second guy would duck.

πŸ‘︎ 58
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Jurgen Klopp, Ralf Rangnick, Brendan Rodgers and Mikel Arteta walk into a pub

Jurgen Klopp, Ralf Rangnick, Brendan Rodgers and Mikel Arteta walk into a pub

Jurgen bought them all a drink. Once they had finished, Rangnick got a round in. Then Arteta put his hand in his pocket. Then Brendan Rodgers got the beers in.

Once they'd all consumed 4 beers, Klopp went to the bar, bought a drink for himself only, and sat at the table. They all looked at him before Rangnick said "Excuse me Jurgen. What about us?"

Klopp looked at them and said, "Sorry lads. This is the fifth round and none of you are in it."

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LatenightSurfer
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2022
🚨︎ report
Time consuming
πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Athu-Chan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
🚨︎ report
If you consume pot brownies...

...does that make you a weedeater?

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Algaean
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I follow my diet religiously

I only consume glutton free products.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/at-leopolds
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2022
🚨︎ report
Yesterday, I ate a clock. It was very time consuming.

Especially when I went back for seconds.

πŸ‘︎ 171
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sighcf
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2022
🚨︎ report
Yesterday I ate a clock it was very time consuming,

Especially when i went back for seconds.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2022
🚨︎ report
Yesterday I ate a clock.

It was very time consuming, especially when I went for seconds.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ThePinecone420
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2022
🚨︎ report
What's the downside to eating a clock?

It's time consuming.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AnInsecureMind
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2021
🚨︎ report
I ate a clock yesterday and it was very time consuming.

especially when I went for seconds

πŸ‘︎ 130
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/John_Doez_
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I ate a clock for dinner...

It was very time consuming

πŸ‘︎ 256
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Eating a clock is very time consuming.
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Eating My Watch Was Time Consuming

Especially when I went back four seconds.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VengefulVendetta
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Eating a clock is very time consuming.

That is all. I'm sorry.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PhillLacio
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Yesterday I ate a clock it was very time consuming. I had to go back for seconds.
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/epic420698
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.