Yesterday I ate a clock, it was very time consuming.
Especially when I went back for seconds.
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︎ Mar 09 2022
Michel Lotito had a strange ability to consume metal. He is said to have eaten an entire Cessna 150 light aircraft.
I imagine it would have tasted a little plane though
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︎ Apr 15 2022
My wife asked for peace and quite while she cooked
So I turned the smoke detector off
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︎ May 19 2022
In honor of St. Patrick, if I break the world record for the most Irish stout consumed in a single day...
Would that be a Guinness Guinness record?
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︎ Mar 17 2022
A man was brought to the ER after having consumed $10,000 dollars in large bills. He was then sent to the ICU but,
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︎ Feb 09 2022
Itβs hard to get a hold of any M&Mβs these days, because Sweden has garnered them all. Consumers strangely have sympathies thoughβ¦
Itβs the stock all M syndrome.
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︎ Jan 31 2022
A man orders some food at an international restaurant, but itβs difficult to chew and scratches up the inside of his mouth. He complains to the waiter that his food is painful to consume. The waiter replies:
βIβm sorry you donβt enjoy it sir. Thatβs one of our staple foods.β
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︎ Jan 22 2022
Why was Han Solo crying as he consumed his last meal, having been captured by the Imperial Army?
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︎ Dec 30 2021
Where do dogs go after they lose their tail?
A retail store.
Aaaannnd I'm out....
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︎ Apr 04 2022
Check itβ¦β¦ I consumed some hot peppers that ate out my insides.
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︎ Dec 30 2021
Have you ever tried to eat a clock?
It's very time consuming.
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︎ Apr 11 2022
My 10 yo came in and told me this one
Have you ever eaten a clock?
Itβs very time consuming, especially when I went back for seconds.
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︎ Apr 25 2022
Consumer reports rated silverware.
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︎ Sep 12 2021
A physicist, a chemist, and a statistician walk into an office to discover the trash can is on fire.
The physicist announces "We must put the garbage can in the fridge so that the temperature will be below the ignition temperature and therefore put itself out!"
The chemist replies "No, we must cover the garbage can so that the fire consumes all of the oxygen and, in the absence of reactants,Β can no longer continue!"
Meanwhile, the two turn around to find that the statistician is running around the room setting everything else on fire. "What the hell are you doing??"
"Getting a proper sample size!"
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︎ May 22 2022
Thank you, good sir.
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︎ Sep 02 2021
My wife and I are dueling each other with Bridgerton jokes.
(For reference, the show's most iconic line is "I burn for you".)
It all started last night when I proposed we make butter. She thought that would be time-consuming, but I said I'd do it because "I churn for you."
She later retaliated by saying she was going to Switzerland because "I Bern for you".
I fired back that evening by rotating my body in bed. "I turn for you."
Just now she said we should take a pottery class. Then she laid it on me with "I urn for you".
But I was ready. "That sounds expensive, but don't worry - I earn for you."
So yeah countless villages have been ravaged and cities destroyed in our conquest. I'll keep you updated.
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︎ Mar 28 2022
I would not recommend eating your alarm clockβ¦
they are way too time consuming!
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︎ Apr 17 2022
I just called up Gamestop consumer support.
They asked me to hold it.
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︎ Jan 29 2021
HOW DOES A FILE CONSUME MEMORY,IN TERA-BITESπ
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︎ Nov 21 2020
Did you hear about the dangerous alcoholic who consumed his booze from a sizzling Chinese frying pan?
He liked to drink risky on the woks
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︎ Mar 23 2021
Bread
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︎ Apr 11 2021
Why is it a bad idea to eat a clock?
Because it's time-consuming, and you always want seconds.
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︎ Oct 02 2021
Why was was the unrepentant Roman who consumed his wife neither surprised nor scared when he was thrown into the Colosseum?
He was gladiator already.
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︎ Oct 29 2020
I try and keep track of how much toffee I consume.
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︎ Nov 20 2020
Shake well before consuming
Contents may have settled, started a family, and proliferated in the container.
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︎ Nov 16 2020
My doctor said that I might die because I accidentally consumed clay.
I'm shitting bricks to be honest.
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︎ Jan 10 2019
Do not consume if seal is broken
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︎ Jul 08 2019
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︎ Dec 11 2016
Today in veterinary class we learned that cows have 4 stomachs to digest the grasses they consume...
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︎ Dec 17 2019
Two guys walked into a bar...
You would think the second guy would duck.
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︎ Sep 14 2021
Jurgen Klopp, Ralf Rangnick, Brendan Rodgers and Mikel Arteta walk into a pub
Jurgen Klopp, Ralf Rangnick, Brendan Rodgers and Mikel Arteta walk into a pub
Jurgen bought them all a drink. Once they had finished, Rangnick got a round in. Then Arteta put his hand in his pocket. Then Brendan Rodgers got the beers in.
Once they'd all consumed 4 beers, Klopp went to the bar, bought a drink for himself only, and sat at the table. They all looked at him before Rangnick said "Excuse me Jurgen. What about us?"
Klopp looked at them and said, "Sorry lads. This is the fifth round and none of you are in it."
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︎ Feb 08 2022
Time consuming
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︎ Aug 14 2019
If you consume pot brownies...
...does that make you a weedeater?
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︎ Feb 01 2020
I follow my diet religiously
I only consume glutton free products.
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︎ Feb 01 2022
Yesterday, I ate a clock. It was very time consuming.
Especially when I went back for seconds.
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︎ Mar 10 2022
Yesterday I ate a clock it was very time consuming,
Especially when i went back for seconds.
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︎ Mar 11 2022
Yesterday I ate a clock.
It was very time consuming, especially when I went for seconds.
π︎ 5
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︎ Mar 11 2022
What's the downside to eating a clock?
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︎ Aug 03 2021
I ate a clock yesterday and it was very time consuming.
especially when I went for seconds
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︎ Feb 18 2020
I ate a clock for dinner...
It was very time consuming
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︎ Oct 07 2021
Eating a clock is very time consuming.
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︎ Feb 03 2020
Eating My Watch Was Time Consuming
Especially when I went back four seconds.
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︎ Jun 20 2020
Eating a clock is very time consuming.
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︎ Feb 26 2020
Yesterday I ate a clock it was very time consuming. I had to go back for seconds.
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︎ Oct 12 2019
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