Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.

But that tablet only had 10 commands.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MacItaly
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Need puns for the word "icebreaker" and "connect"
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SushiWillBangU
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Safest username for online rapper society is β€œconnect” ”

Cause no one wants to β€œdiss-connect”

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Totika123
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
🚨︎ report
You know how B.B. King used to connect Lucille to his amplifier?

Via bluestooth

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AjahnMara
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Step 1. Connect with a divine being. Step 2. Allow them to speak through you.

Step 3. Prophet.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Forzen-Loki
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Connect the dots

Hi going to kill myself, I'm dad.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2019
🚨︎ report
It's so interesting watching How it's Made to see how they connect some of these fixtures together.

It's just riveting.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Chrisazy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
🚨︎ report
What animal can connect to the internet?

Lynx

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Anyone have a way to connect planes and cells/cancer in a punny way?
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
🚨︎ report
She is trying to connect to a higher power.
πŸ‘︎ 87
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2018
🚨︎ report
What geometric shape do you make when 3 tired lines connect together?

a restangle

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Odinator
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2018
🚨︎ report
Why are actors so good at connect the dots?

Because they know all their lines.

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JustAGuyInTampa
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call something that can only play single notes of music and can connect you with anyone?

A chord-less phone.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mister-Bear
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2018
🚨︎ report
My son trying to connect to the printer through WiFi with his laptop

Son: Dad, my computer can't find the WiFi printer anymore...

Me: I renamed it to Bob Marley, same password

Son: Why Bob Marley?

Me: Because it's always jammin

Son: God damn it

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OziPerv
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2015
🚨︎ report
The internet connection in my farm is really sketchy, so I moved the modem to the barn.

Now I have stable wifi.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
🚨︎ report
To everyone talking about Trump and his Russia connections

Crimea river

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/adamhoolhorst
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Supervisor was talking about an Ethernet connection

I said it was needed to catch the etherbunny. He gave me a verbal warning... :/

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SirDianthus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What do Russians call a bad WiFi connection?

Inter-NIET

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
🚨︎ report
If you're having trouble connecting your bluetooth device, just dress in green, sit on a perch and repeat everything that tech support tells you.

It's the only way to parrot.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
🚨︎ report
As a new language, Braille is not that difficult to learn.

You just have to have a feel for it.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Today I connected virtually with a lion, giraffe and rhino all at once.

These Zoo Meetings are really taking off!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a real connection with my chiropodist

She touches my sole.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/procrastiprov
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Drat! Foiled again!
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dismyweeedcount
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I engineered this pun
πŸ‘︎ 322
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SimonChome
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I did nazi that one coming
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mtc30001
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Tee hee
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pinkpunther96
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is there 2 d's in 'Reddit'?

Because one is a repost.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZZiyan_11
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I found a drawer with my old watches in it and thought it might be fun to make a belt from them.

I connected them all, but it turned out to be a waist of time.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Stompya
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
🚨︎ report
If you sit on a toilet seat, you are connecting your butthole to a city network of buttholes.

And that's a huge ass connection

πŸ‘︎ 153
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fried_Cheesee
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I re-skinned my drums with the skin my faithful steed Chestnut. I want people to reflect on the emotional connection between man and beast through the art of drum solos.

But my wife says I'm just beating a dead horse.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Pretty weak connection.
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/secretlymas
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I recently met with my therapist at the bottom of the ocean.

We had a very deep talk.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sooblek
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I connected with this jokes in so many ways ;)
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Finn-GJ
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Surprise pun struck me as I was connecting to someone's WiFi
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SlothKid01
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
🚨︎ report
What fee is connected to every wedding and no-one objects?

Photography

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Soylent_X
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m feeling a strong connection with this one
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NiisanSein
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I went on a date with a girl who worked at BT. The connection was terrible
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Richardbaconaise
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Got sick and typed my symptoms into WebMD

Was told I may have connectivity issues

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/instig8or-az
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a Chinese gamer with a fast connection?

Lo Ping

πŸ‘︎ 179
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MelkorHimself
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2018
🚨︎ report
I've spent 7 years in prison

I learned that humans and wifi connections are the same in prison. Sometimes they're free and sometimes they're locked up .

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My son asked me, β€œDad, why are Legos so popular?”

I said, β€œThey make a lot of connections.”

He shook his head and told me to hit the bricks.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
🚨︎ report
The rancher’s wifi wasn’t working so he moved the router to the barn...

Now he has a stable connection

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HaysStays
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I need your advice I have this friend. Our relationship is very unstable. Sometimes we have a very good connections and at other times we have a pretty bad connection.

Her name is Wi-Fi BTW

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Trollinaintezy
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
🚨︎ report
What furry creature with big ears brings network connectivity to children on a particular Sunday every April?

The Ether-Bunny!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I've been having such a hard time with connections lately...

Even my relationship with whiskey is on the rocks...

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JaymantheLegend
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad always had a special connection with ham.

However he told me it would be a shame if you added "s" at the front and "e" in the end.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Saladbbar
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2018
🚨︎ report
I was captured by ISIS after Iran away

Now all I’m China do is to survive

πŸ‘︎ 405
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Iamgej
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Looking for space puns!

My fiance and I are getting married at Kennedy Space Center. We're looking for a good space + love/wedding pun for our website. Written in the Stars is too cheesy. We're leaning toward "One Giant Leap". Any other suggestions?

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MeggyGrex
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a connection between two soft drinks?

A relationSIP

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Greasy_Chimp
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2017
🚨︎ report
A spider called a tech support office

He needed help connecting to the web

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Hot and fresh, made to order puns!

Do you need a pun? Just ask!

I can do puns with just one subject, puns that connect two subjects, pun pickup lines, and pun-chlines for jokes of the form "____ walks into a bar."

Just comment on this post with the subject you need a pun on, and I will get back to you as soon as possible.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrAcurite
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Have you read the manual on connecting steel beams?

It's riveting

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PaxPaw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a bee that lives in America?

USB

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mefingers
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Get the handcuffs, Officer
πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2018
🚨︎ report
When my wife was pregnant, she told me she felt really connected to her inner child.
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/starbridge
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2017
🚨︎ report
Like most people my age...

I'm 45...

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2018
🚨︎ report
How to pirate any movie you like

Rate it 3.14

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ElonXXIII
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2017
🚨︎ report
Had to laugh when I saw this cleverly named WiFi network
πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2017
🚨︎ report
Had a blind date with someone from Verizon. It didn't work out. We never connected.
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hutimuti
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2016
🚨︎ report
Here's one in spanish

UNO.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hormonella
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2017
🚨︎ report
Today I received a call regarding a new hearing aid.

The connection was bad, I couldn’t hear a thing.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xFarrokh
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Think twice before you cross that street

I heard it's really well-connected in this city

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hank_the_Hand
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the boy telephone and the girl telephone break up?

There was just no connection...

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JaymantheLegend
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I tried to hook my sister, Dorothy, up with my co-worker who’s also named Dorothy

But I couldn’t connect the Dots

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boonsnaba
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
🚨︎ report
You know what I find boring?

Drilling holes into things.

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zSilverFox
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Got dad joked by my 22 month old daughter

My daughter was having some trouble eating pasta with her fork tonight, so I said to her that it was okay to eat with her fingers. "No," she said with a cheeky grin. "Eat with mouth."

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/littlecrab
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2015
🚨︎ report
I heard in Russia they were making roads out of old Nokia

My car has never felt more connected commrade

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
🚨︎ report
This Wifi connection [x-post pcmasterrace]

http://i.imgur.com/Sd7dvTd.jpg

I thought it belonged here.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/So_Much_Fat
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2015
🚨︎ report
Extended Christmas dad prank

When my brother and I were little, we put out milk and cookies for Santa and carrots for the reindeers on Christmas eve, and woke up on Christmas morning to find them mostly eaten. We were delighted at proof of our nighttime visitors.

The next year our dad told us he had gotten an inside tip from the north pole: that Santa actually liked ramen and beer, not milk and cookies (as other, less well informed, dads and kids had always thought).

For years, we dutifully cooked ramen, put it on a table by the fireplace with a cold beer on the side, and woke up to the ramen and beer having been consumed in the night.

I knew my dad wasn't fond of milk or cookies, but it wasn't until later that we connected the dots and found out the deal about Santa. My dad was the one who ate the Santa food once we went to bed, and he had secretly convinced us to prepare his ideal midnight snack for as long as we believed in Santa.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/queenermagard
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad just told me, β€œWhen I was your age and saw a girl, I first looked at her hair, then her eyes, then her neck...”

Damn dial up connections!

πŸ‘︎ 127
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2018
🚨︎ report
Kid: "Dad! Who's our internet service provider?"

Dad: "I am."

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2015
🚨︎ report
My dad had a stroke today and made a joke in the hostpital.

So today my dad had a stroke and while we were waiting for doctors to come back he grabbed all the cords to the ekg cords connected to him and said, "I feel like I'm behind the TV!"

My dad always makes jokes in time of panic and pain. I guess that's where I get it from.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MisterScrewUp
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Lego

So two Minifigures were connected. They couldn't lego

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boyodude
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Was drinking a milkshake...

Having lunch and milkshakes with the family

Me: Dammit, I think there's a hole in the side of my straw.

Dad: You think that's bad?! Mine's got one at the top and one at the bottom

Groans all round

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jimmycoola
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2014
🚨︎ report
Got out-dadjoked at work today

Was getting coffee from the coffee machine when the machine said: "Fill Beans"

So I turned to my coworker and said: "Who is this Fill Beans?"

To which he responded: "I think he's from the Philippines"

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Stebbib
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2014
🚨︎ report
Honey Story

I hadn't put my own picture up on my dating profile, just a picture of my pickup. But that's okay, because she'd just put a picture of her dog. I sent her a message, something almost-clever like "your dog can ride in my pickup any time," and she responded.

We clicked pretty quickly, and started chatting regularly. Every day, sometimes throughout the day. Slowly we learned more about each other. Her dog's name was Daisy. My truck's name was Dodge Ram (I apologized for my lack of creativity). She was a CPA. I was a beekeeper.

And at this, she stumbled. "If we ever meet in real-life, I want you to know that I could never date a beekeeper." But we were still far away from that point, so it was moot.

But time went on, and we gradually became closer to that point. More personal information. What firm she worked for. Where my farm was. Names of relatives. Names of high schools. All the things that just come up in conversation eventually if you talk to someone long enough.

But, oddly, after all this time, neither of us had thought to send any pictures. Until one day I got a message from her: "I never thought I'd say this, but I really do want to meet you in person. I think we have a rare connection, and I don't want to squander it. I want to send you my picture, and I want you to send me yours, but I'm telling you, I can never date a beekeeper."

I couldn't imagine a life without my bees. But I also couldn't imagine a life without her. Tentatively, reluctantly, I clicked on the image attached to her message.

Then I saw her face. Now I'm a bee leaver.

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fishamaphone
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2018
🚨︎ report
The internet connection in my farm was really sketchy, so I moved the modem to the barn.

Now I have stable wifi.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
🚨︎ report
The internet connection at my farm was really poor, so I moved the modem to the barn.

Now I have stable wifi

πŸ‘︎ 197
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2020
🚨︎ report
The internet connection at my farm is really sketchy, so I moved the modem to the barn.

Now I have stable wifi.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Moses

Moses was the first man to connect his tablets to the cloud

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WaxEcho
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
If you sit on a toilet seat, you are connecting your butthole to a city network of buttholes...

And that's a huge ass connection.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lumikue
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
🚨︎ report
The internet connection at my farm is really sketchy, so I moved the modem to the barn.

Now I have stable wifi.

πŸ‘︎ 64
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
🚨︎ report
If you sit on a toilet seat, you are connecting your butthole to a city network of buttholes.

And that's a huge ass connection.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Once I connected all my watches together to make a belt

it was an utter waist of time

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/floofysox
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
🚨︎ report
I had terrible internet connection on my farm till I moved the modem to the barn.

Now I have stable wifi.

πŸ‘︎ 534
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2018
🚨︎ report
I was having trouble with my internet connection , so I moved the modem to the barn.

Now I have stable wifi.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I connected all my wristwatches to make a belt...

...It was a waist of time

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/toystoreheroes
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call a bee that lives in America?

A USB.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/udrys
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2019
🚨︎ report

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