What do you call a congested opera singer?

A snotty Pavarotti!

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👤︎ u/scardeal
📅︎ Jun 12 2019
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I haven't eaten or slept and my nose is congested.

Me: It's misery!

Girlfriend: This is California.

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📅︎ Dec 22 2014
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Why was the sexy elephant congested?

Because he had too much junk in his trunk!

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📅︎ Sep 23 2013
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A Vicks VapoRub truck overturned on the freeway this morning.

Amazingly there was no congestion for 8 hours!

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📅︎ Jul 28 2020
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My daughter was whining about her cold and sinus congestion

I told her it was all in her head

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👤︎ u/Komatoasty
📅︎ Dec 23 2017
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What did the pessimist with the flu say when the doctor told him his congestion symptoms would go away within a week?

That'snot going to happen.

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📅︎ Mar 06 2016
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What does a cow take for congestion?

Moo-cinex

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📅︎ Jul 09 2014
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An 18-wheeler filled with Vicks Vaporub overturned on the highway today.

Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours!

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📅︎ Apr 01 2019
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Don't stuff Helman's up your nose! That...

... could lead to mayonnaisal congestion.

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👤︎ u/PondanNaya
📅︎ Dec 05 2018
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Road block

A truck carrying Vicks Vapour Rub has spilt its load on the Freeway

Police are warning of no congestion for up to 8 hours.

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👤︎ u/hughdman
📅︎ Aug 07 2018
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A truck full of NyQuil crashed on the highway this morning.

The cops are saying there will be no congestion for eight hours.

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📅︎ Apr 15 2018
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My wife made my cold even worse

I was making tea with lemon juice to clear up my congestion, and my wife wanted me to use the one real lemon we have but I wanted to use the plastic lemon container stuff. Eventually she got exasperated, put the lemon in my hand, and said "WHEN WIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS, MAKE LEMON TEA."

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📅︎ Sep 12 2016
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A lorry carrying 25 tons of Vicks Vapour Rub has overturned on the M6, near Birmingham, spilling it's load onto the carriage way.

The Police have said, there will be no congestion for at least 12hrs.

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👤︎ u/mykeuk
📅︎ May 11 2017
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Does anyone have some Mucinex?

My GPS says there's some congestion up ahead.

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📅︎ Nov 28 2014
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Dadjoked my geography teacher today...

We were talking about how in London, there are congestion charges and the parking is super expensive so electricians often hire a driver because it ends up cheaper than paying the other charges.

I said "Trust an electrician to find the path of least resistance."

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📅︎ Apr 30 2015
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It's the little things.

My mom, my dad, and I started our journey across the US together in a Uhaul today. My mom likes to freak out. While in traffic, this happened.

Mom: Oh my god, why are we stopping?

Dad: Just a little bit of congestion.

Me: cough

Dad: Very good.

Me: Thanks.

Moments like these make a 26 hour drive cramped in a Uhaul together worth it.

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📅︎ Aug 06 2014
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A truck carrying Vicks vapor rub overturned on the highway.

Amazingly, there was no congestion for 8 hours.

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📅︎ Mar 07 2020
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