1 supreme liter.
Not sure if this is the right sub.
It's a great place to do business!
Me: Dad can you turn the kettle on?
Dad: Sure thing!
(walks to kettle, bends down and whispers)
Dad: Oh Kettle you're so hot...
Dad: Hey, why did the elephant paint his balls red?
Me: Umm.. I don't know, why?
Dad: To hide in a cherry tree!
Me: ...
Dad: Okay.. how did Tarzan get killed?
Me: sigh I don't know Dad, how?
Dad: Picking cherries!
Facepalms all around by everyone in earshot, and Dad would know that he had done well.
Don't wanna be Obama self. I'm just China to make you happy. Yes, my pun Israel. Norway I'm lying, Syria stuff. You guys Ghana have to Czech these puns. Okay, I think I will Finnish now. I think Alaska guy to help me out because I’m Havana hard time. You have no India how long it took me to make these puns, but I hope they'll help Sweden your day because I Canada think of one anymore. Oman, I think Iran out of ideas Irish I can think of Samoa. I think my Bahrain can’t think of one anymore but Taiwan this to continue. I want Tibet that there are better things to do now. I Belize it’s time to put an end to these puns because I’m Oslo getting Bordeaux this. African hate these puns I want Togo because I Amsterdam tired. I’m Sudan with puns now.
In conversation with friends she said.
"My grandpa died of lung cancer and he didn't smoke a day in his life."
"Of course not, he smoked cigarettes."
Eye roll "no, he worked in the mines."
"That's why they don't sell cigarettes to miners."
Groan "you see what I have to put up with."
It is a grate film
While fishing with a friend, his dad and his grandpa, we weren't having any luck.
Friend: "I just need one stupid fish to bite this bait."
Friend's Grandpa: "You need one that didn't go to school"
Friend's dad: "But they are all in schools!!"
Grandpa: "How'd you sleep?"
Dad: "With my eyes closed."
Grandpa: "How do you feel?"
Dad: "With my hands."
Me: facepalm.jpg
Edited for formatting
At dinner, my mom was telling us a story of one of her kids (she works as a teacher) and how she accidentally sewed some string into her pants. This followed:
Me: Wow, that's sew funny!
Dad: Needle-less to say, I hope she was alright
Me: You have a point there
I don't believe anything else was said after that
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter, he won't come anyways!
Jay-Z's son is playing a fighter and is engaged in a grueling fight with a troll. The troll is clearly too high a difficulty for the fighter.
"Dad," Jay-Z's son exclaims in frustration. "The troll is destroying me!" Just at that moment, from behind a nearby hill appears an army of goblins led by what appears to be an intoxicated lich.
Jay-Z looks at his son and replies with a smirk, "If you're having troll problems, I feel bad for you, son. I've got 99 goblins and a lich on rum."
You use the Italian combo.
Courtesy of my dad, from just a few minutes ago.
I'm not talking a combo like Christopher Walken to Christopher Sitten but like on general. Ex. Joe away man!
Family and I went on a fancy boat tour of a local rich lake. The captain provided a running narrative over the intercom about the history of the houses, etc.
Captain: You'll notice all the piers look the same on the lake. There's no law governing that, everyone just agrees they should use the same color and materials. Some might call that "pier pressure."
Crowd: (groans)
Me: I think we need to dock him some points for that one...
Wife: (groans and pretends not to know me)
I was just assigned an architecture project to design a retail building of some sort. The products, name and theme are all free for me to choose, so I want to make it a killer pun.
What's a punny store name/product combo I can use?
The Absolut wurst combo.
If someone makes a pun, you have to reply in a pun... but it has to be on the same topic as the original pun. Sooooooooooooooooooo my friend had the most clever, best pun of all time... A 3 word combo. The topic was dairy... and he made a pun I didn't quite catch... so with his wit, he responded "I guess that one flew right pasteurize" My mind was shattered...
Went to dinner at a nice Mexican restaurant with my fiance and ordered a taco, burrito, and enchilada combo plate. When the food came I asked her,
"Is it just me, or does this seem bigger than an inch?"
(Her) "What do you mean?".
(Me) "Well it's call an 'Inch-a-lota'....".
Needless to say her eyes rolled to the back of her head and she sighed the ultimate sigh of dad-joke disappointment.
My girlfriend and I were in the car today and were discussing peanut butter in shakes. I said that I didn't like the concept, and she replied that she's a big fan. So I grabbed her hand and began fanning myself with it. I was met with the classic sigh and eye roll combo.
She and I were talking about how a certain flavor of Combos she likes is only in one store in her area:
Her: I have a hard enough time finding the sweet and salty caramel one. I have to go to a specific LOWE'S. a Lowe's!! C'mon!
Me: So...when it comes to Combos, your area certainly is Lowe in stock?
Her: ...omg you didn't...
For some reason my entire family plays bingo every year on Christmas. And every time my dad draws and reads all the number-letter combos. And every year he waits patiently until he can say his favorite dad joke: Oh, thank goodness it's not malignant... (pause for emphasis) It's B9!
So my wife and I were making some fried chicken wings tonight. So I asked her:
Me: "Did you make these from a recipe?"
Her: "Well I didn't just WING it!"
Me: "Haaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! I see what you did there."
Her: "What?" she thinks for a bit and then just gives me a stare.
Later on in the conversation we're discussing how it's been a long day and wings sound good.
Me: "Wings and Alcohol sound like a great combo for today."
Her: "Well it is FRIday."
Me: "Heyoooooo!!!! Nice one."
Her: she just glares at me
....
I secretly think she's an awesome dad. Either that or my puns are infiltrating every corner of her mind.
We were in the shaving section, my wife was looking for new razors. My 2 year old boy grabbed one of the combo packs, and I said "Hey! Put that Schick down!" My wife chuckled.
My family was visiting relatives in Seattle and we were visiting the space needle. The person at the counter offers my dad a combo with some other attraction and he responds with
"Does this combo come with fries?"
