A slowpoke!
*a friend of mine told me this and I thought it would fit well here
Police say he will be bailed out tomorrow.
I call it LETTER RIP
I wasn't going to go, but he twisted my arm
Tellulater.
I had to pull of the road to post this cause I’ve been laughing at myself for the last 5 miles.
He said, “Sorry. There is no Time.”
Frostbite
It was a brief case.
It will be called FroYo Information.
We prefer the term "alt-write"
Stagnant water.
She made a right hash of it.
Amazon Prime
Communication is key
She lost 120 lbs.
It was as big as the last two combined!
Attract her.
Apple Crumble and Finch
A megawatt.
The Pot Thickens..
A Perry Comover
Jurassic Pork.
- Diarrhea and Alzheimer. You’re running, but you don’t know where.
But then I'd have to kill you.
Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running, but can’t remember where.
Before boarding the plane, he threw some salt off the flight bridge
After they landed, he tossed some paprika
On the next leg, some nutmeg and a pinch of cumin.
The flight crew saw the combination, there was only one conclusion they could make...
He was a seasoned traveler
Alzheimer's and Diarrhoea . You're running but you don't know where .
It's a re-curry-ing nightmare.
It’s called ABBA-Cadabra.
Red Croissant
Waka Flocka Seagulls.
A combine.
My experiment was a complete six-s!
A giant list of puns
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.
I used to be afraid of hu
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It’ll be a catastrophe.
A Ford Fusion
I call it Letter Rip.
I call it "Letter Rip."
