OK boomer!
Aiketo
I hope it doesn't come back to bite him.
I call it Letter-rip!
[ Removed by reddit in response to a copyright notice. ]
I call it "Letter Rip."
Apple-pen
I will now take suggestions on how to be more sensitive to deaf people. I'm all ears!
- As a ventroliquist, I made one of my dummies sing a song by the GoGos. I'm not going to tell you how I did it. My lips are sealed!
- Im the only council member against the construction of the beach. Im going against the grain!
- Why did God make me a conjoined twin? Im beside myself!
- I put aluminum on a villain's mind control devices. I foiled his plan!
- Even though I'm scared of heights, I still go skydiving with this girl I like. Im falling for her!
- My shoelace company collapsed. I couldn't make ends meet!
- I like using misdirection in my jokes to make people laugh. Or do I?
- I won my 17th straight Halloween costume contest dressed as a hotdog. I'm on a roll!
- I won my 17th straight Halloween costume contest dressed as a nerd. I'm honor roll!
- The answer to this question, "Who's the president of the United States?" is a no-brainer.
- I finished a race the other day. I won 'cause I killed all the Kenyans!
- I don't know how to wear a wig. At least not off the top of my head.
- I went grocery shopping at Harris Teeter for a 50% off everything sale. I went in for a carrot and came out with a half, which is why I now shop at Whole Foods!
- If youre being attacked by zombies, just throw a party! Nobody wants to kill the life of the party!
- I used to date a girl, who still uses a nightlight. What a turn-off!
Jesus sure didn't
I'm gonna call it "GET IT OFF YOUR CHEST"!
But then I'd have to kill you.
- Diarrhea and Alzheimer. You’re running, but you don’t know where.
Jurassic Pork.
It's a re-curry-ing nightmare.
It’s called ABBA-Cadabra.
Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running, but can’t remember where.
Waka Flocka Seagulls.
Red Croissant
Alzheimer's and Diarrhoea . You're running but you don't know where .
My experiment was a complete six-s!
A Ford Fusion
They're the reason ice mocha a lot of weed
Stoneloss.
It’ll be a catastrophe.
It was riveting.
... But I got a very bad reaction
Fission chips.
I’m building a website for a new cafe and Coworking space opening in the area. The owner loves humour and wants to reflect that in the site. Does anyone have any great puns or other humorous ideas to do with cafes or working spaces? Thanks a million!
Crap.
Courtesy of my friend who took more than the average amount of antidepressants
It was called Delicate Essence.
Hey redditland-
I’m working on writing my wedding vows. I am marrying the punniest guy I know. I mean, this guy’s love language is “puns” - so, I’m attempting the difficult pun-dertaking of writing wedding vows with a whole bunch of puns.
Any good ones out there? Anything that will pundamentally deliver meaning while being punishingly groan worthy?
Thankkkks! :) :)
Because its a reflux incapacitator
Food truck with eggs being the theme in every dish.
"The Poach Coach"
Popular dishes:
- Eggs Been a Dick (2 poached eggs and 1 average but adequate size sausage)
- Omelette that one slide (you're choice of filling, but don't fucking test me)
- The Dwight Yolk Em' (served in a plastic cowboy hat to go. Must eat while walking the streets of Bakersfield) 4.The Mr. Burns Eggcellent Scramble (smithered with cheese)
- The Quiche a Grey (oralgasmic quiche with a money shot of sausage gravy)
- The John Denver Omelette (full of all kinds of shit)
- Jesus'ed egg (basically a deviled egg only more judgmental and boiled in holy water)
It’s called crap.
I need a pun about chemistry and kindness for a project. Thanks in advance!
Someone who stays up all night wondering if there really is a dog.
I haven't Reddit all
But when I swap for aces of spades, I'm trading Spaces
He replied Six-Sir
Melancholy.
A few years ago, we started a show that I quite frankly never thought would work.
Nearly four years later, including two sold out appearances at San Francisco Sketchfest and a local TV featurette, our show "Capitol PUNishment" is now streaming on Twitch Friday night at 8:30pm PST.
I hope it's ok to post this in here. If not, feel free to remove with no hard feelings. Just encouraging pun lovers to check out what is best described as "a fast-paced, in-the-moment spectacle that combines everything you love about gameshows, rap-battles, and "dad" jokes, into a unique and hilarious competitive format."
Our channel is twitch.tv/capitolpuns
Here's a little video to help paint the picture: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2RE9PgmfXo
It made me laugh as hard as the other two combined.
When you combine english and math.
You get many nouns and many unnouns.
*(bad spelling intentional)
One is a Sooner lemur and the other is a lunar schemer.
People keep talking about the Middle East as if it’s an actual place, but I don’t think it Israel
Teddy bear race:Ready Teddy Go!
Goat Race:Ready Steady Goat!
Plant race:Ready Steady Grow!
I call it "letter rip".
Combined
It’s as good as the last two jokes you’ve heard combined.
Diarrhea and Alzheimer. You’re running, but you don’t know where.
Its worse than the last two jokes you heard, combined.
