Jeff, a semi colon, and an Oxford comma walk into a bar.

They both have a great time.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when america colonizes France?

The Rifle Tower 😩

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Embot999
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Doctor: I'm sorry, but I had to remove your colon

Me why?

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Doctor: I’m afraid we’re going to have to remove your colon.

Me Why?

πŸ‘︎ 353
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justbeatitTTD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
πŸ˜‚the accuracy...πŸ’₯
πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kimcyrus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
🚨︎ report
I had a cancer scare recently. The doctor said I may have full blown colon cancer

Thankfully it’s just semicolon cancer

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/middleraged
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know why disembowelment isn't used as a form of execution?

Because semi-colons don't complete a sentence!

πŸ‘︎ 126
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πŸ“…︎ May 29 2021
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In the old days, excessive use of commas was considered to be a serious crime.

It usually resulted in a long sentence.

πŸ‘︎ 768
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Allow me to colonize this place

:

It's been done, thank you, have a great day. :)

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thepredictableone
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Doctor to patient do you smoke?

Patient: yes.

Doctor: marijuana, cigarettes, cigars, Vapes?

Patient: mostly brisket, and pork.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Which bread discovered America?

Crustopher Colombus

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/depressed_idiot0
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Or the colon had a great idea
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Satanic_Smaug
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I cannot get on board with colonizing Venus

I don't work well under pressure nor do I like toxic work environment.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
🚨︎ report
The semicolon was invented because the colon was lonely...

It just wanted a little comma-raderie.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bci1516
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My Dad is currently riding his bicycle across America to raise awareness for Colon Cancer...

[and posted a picture of him and his bike on a rest day.] (https://i.imgur.com/IapqomG.png)

Edit: Whoa this is getting popular. I live on the other side of the world, and am about to go to bed, but I am just going to put his [donation page] (http://ccf.convio.net/site/TR?px=3433802&fr_id=1580&pg=personal) at the top of the post if anyone is interested. It is no big deal, but if someone is looking, I thought I'd put it at the top. Either way, you all are going to make his day when I show him how many people appreciated his joke. I just hope this doesn't mean that I have to laugh at all of them from now on...

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/travellingby
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2017
🚨︎ report
The Semi colon is an important part of what?

The Semi-truck’s digestive system

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ra1ds4ad0w
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the semi-colon that broke the law?

It was given two consecutive sentences.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfy189
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2020
🚨︎ report
If you repeat a colon in Australia,

would that give you a colon oz copy?

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
🚨︎ report
People who think semi-colons & commas are the same, are missing the point.
πŸ‘︎ 106
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cactuscrash
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
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A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence
πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
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They found tumors in my colon.

But I rectum.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Happy_Each_Day
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife was just recently diagnosed with colorectal cancer and now has surgery scheduled to remove a couple of inches of her colon. I expect her grammar will improve as a result.

... Because she's going to have to learn how to use a semicolon.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Weekend833
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
🚨︎ report
TIL colons can change the meaning of a sentence drastically: "Jane ate her friend's lunch." would become:

"Jane ate her friend's colon."

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/redrockit06
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I had part of my colon removed

Now I have a semi-colon.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/N1NJA_CAR1B0U
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What is the most disgusting perfume ever made?

Eau de colon.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CheeHL
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Shout out to my colon

For doing me a solid

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Johnny_Two_Timez
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Someone vandalized my keyboard leaving only 1 button.

Surprisingly, the police were more thorough in the investigation than I expected. They even asked to see my colon.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Came out backwords / at a loss for words / just one big bowl of soup / proper punctuation: the colon / man,ure on a roll / just stirring the pot / poo-lease stop / can't. IOU potty humor / Y you say that? / It's fun, butt OK - mind my P's and Q's - I'll put lid on it
πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/barwhack
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2017
🚨︎ report
I told my dad I joke I came across on Reddit-. Doctor: We're going to have to remove your colon. Me Why? He responded with:

As long. as it doesn't. give. you irregular. periods.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/7in7
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
🚨︎ report
World renowned tongue twister champion was officially charged in court today

They gave him a tough sentence. He got off better than his accomplice, The semi-colon, who is in between two complete sentences.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skycooper11
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
why
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shiro_Miyano
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Colon Cancer Screening
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RyanJT324
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2018
🚨︎ report
A colon got a promotion at work.

They call him the ascending colon.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KarateChop231
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Dr. Is recommending I get part of my colon removed...

I am just worried about becoming a semi colon

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrhjx
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2018
🚨︎ report
If we ever start colonizing other planets, I propose that we rename the Internet to the PlaNet.
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AndroidScript
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2017
🚨︎ report
r/funny sent me here... My dad had surgery this morning to remove a cancerous section of his colon. He's still got his sense of humor. (X-post from r/funny) imgur.com/ZlOIj9q
πŸ‘︎ 597
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sigogglin
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2013
🚨︎ report
Dr: We had to remove your colon

Me Why?

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blindingdoor554
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Doctor: I'm sorry but we have to remove half of your colon

Me; What?

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gssn-nospace
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Doctor: I'm afraid we've had to remove your colon

Me Why?

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rhienor
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Doctor: I’m sorry but I had to remove a section of your colon.

Me;

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CodyClay1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Doctor: I had to take your colon.

Me why?

πŸ‘︎ 99
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/whitescienceguy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Jeff, a semi colon, and an Oxford comma walk into a bar.

They both have a good time.

πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What happened when the semi-colon broke grammar laws?

He was given two consecutive sentences.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jesslees24
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Doctor: we had to remove your colon

Me why

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/broshaine
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
🚨︎ report

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