Pets, puns and dictators

Help wanted from r/puns!

I am planning to make my girlfriend a picture calendar for 2015 of some dog/ cat based puns of famous dictators. I'm running short of ideas, and so am turning to Reddit, given their penchant for all things pets and puns.

My ideas so far:

Adolf Kitler

Chairman miaow

Kitty Amin

Ho chi(huahua) Min

Robert Pugabi

Colonel Catdafi

Saddam Hussaint Bernard

Benito Pussolini

Fidel Catstro

I'm looking to Reddit's collective pun power to generate some more ideas. Help me punslingers!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/reddallthat
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2014
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The cows on my dairy farm have all decided to form a new financial vehicle made up of a pool of money collected from many cows to invest in securities...

It's a mootual fund.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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Pokemon cards? Yeah i've got a small collection.
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BedHeadBread
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
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I knew a guy who collected watches

He would link them all together into a sort of belt β€” I thought it was a waist of time.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jetavator
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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My gf made me give away my collection of dead batteries

They were free of charge

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/postymcpostface21
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
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A woman is on trial for beating up a unfaithful rockstar husband with his guitar collection

The judge asked her, β€œfirst offender” β€œNo,” she says β€œfirst a Gibson then a Fender

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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Did you hear about the man who only collected rare pennies?

He didn't have a lot of common cents.

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/d3hall
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
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I'm obsessed with collecting old Beatles records. My friends say I need help..

..but I've already got that one.

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Button_FC
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
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I've just started collecting old settees....

I've got 12 sofa.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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They're only called gargoyles if they collect and spout rain water.

They should be called... gargles.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/allthecoffeesDP
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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I considered converting my wardrobe to house my board game collection, but was worried about losing clothing space.

It was trivial per suit.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PythagorasJones
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
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What’s the collective noun for a group of Japanese calligraphy comedians?

Comic sans

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Octopus-Pawn
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
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I used to have a job collecting leaves

I was raking it in

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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Why did the bank hire a dog that collects sticks?

They needed a new branch manager.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MarioMakerProcess
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
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I once went on a date that ended with me and the girl sleeping together. After sex she lit a cigarette and told me me all about her hobby: collecting roadkill and pinning it to her wall. Well, there's no way I could see her after that...

Smoking is such a turn off.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/slatersays22
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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I think my wife is putting glue on my antique weapons collection.

Of course she denies it, but I'm sticking to my guns.

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
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There’s a saying in math that goes, β€œIt’s as easy as solving a collection of symbols that jointly express a quantity.”

I though it was an odd expression

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/schutwo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?

He polished them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/4K_Jay
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
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Why does an otter collect parts for his spaceship?

So he can go to otter space

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WashingYoda
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
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Why did the fool start collecting little insects after learning about covid?

He figured he needed antibodies

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Snugl-v203
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
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I have a collection of urns to transfer my grandfather's ashes between them.

I figure he wouldn't want to be cooped up in one urn for long. While transferring his ashes, I broke his good urn. I am going to buy him another good urn. I guess its as the saying goes "one good urn deserves another".

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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I will give you my entire Pixar collection

But I am never gonna give you Up

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ultimateadem
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
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I need a collection of these
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
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So I used to collect those little cardboard discs with pictures on...

One time I took a bunch of them with me to Abu Dhabi and while most of them were fine one behaved very weirdly, splitting and separating like it was in the humid air of the tropics. Very strange. I even wrote a letter about it to a listings magazine, which began:

"What's On, I commend to your attention the curious incident of the POG in the dry clime."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LoneKharnivore
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
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What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?

A skillet-ton

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
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Im going to start collecting highlighters

Mark my words!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Whlightning
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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sit on flour to collect nectar
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πŸ‘€︎ u/homodemen
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
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I sold my vacuum cleaner today..

All it was doing was collecting dust

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Snugl-v203
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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Collecting Impressionist art is a pricey hobby.

It requires a lot of monet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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People ask why I have a collection of large scissors.

I tell them it is for the shear fun of it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GUNGUNM4N
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
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My private pun collection
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Emotional_Plenty
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
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What is the difference between a person who works in landscaping and someone who collects coffee?

One is a groundskeeper while the other is a grounds keeper

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
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The collective noun for kangaroos is a "troop". What is the collective noun for cars?

A Lot

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πŸ‘€︎ u/semanticdm
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
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My son took his jar collection way too far

When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar

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πŸ‘€︎ u/imkindaspiffy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
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I don’t understand why the thief who stole my currency collection took all the bills but left all the coins.

It was a cents-less crime.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RAClef
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
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Why should you never ask Rick Astley to borrow his Pixar collection?

Because he’s never gonna give you β€œUp.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingInTheNorth57
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
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I knew a guy who collected candy canes.

They were all in mint condition

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πŸ‘€︎ u/howiewu0402
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
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I can't believe my wife wanted me to get rid of my silt collection!

It's like she doesn't understand the sedimental value!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainAmerilard
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
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Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Disney collection...

Except for the movie Up. He's never gonna give you Up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BusyPooping
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
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A collection of the greatest
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayxox
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
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Later in Forrest Gump’s life, he puts on a little weight and opens a business collecting old plumbing materials.

It was called the Plump Gump Sump Pump Dump.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
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The churches in Las Vegas

Did You Know…

In Las Vegas there are more Catholic Churches than casinos. Not surprisingly some worshipers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.

Since they get chips from many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings. The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed In.

This is done by the chip monks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BastetLXIX
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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What did the geologist say when he collected 69 rocks?

Gneiss

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Death_Muffins
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
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I'm addicted to collecting vintage Beatles albums.

I need Help!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cokedupbunny
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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I miss my old job collecting leaves.

I was raking it in.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
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I knew a guy who collected candy canes...

They were all in mint condition

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WispyNarwhal
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
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I sold my vaccum cleaner today .

All it was doing was collecting dust .

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ivanshu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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