He said, "We're about to close, but come back and I'll Shoyu Tamari"
One of the main driving factors in this decision was, in the event of someone saying anything along the lines of “wait, you play violin?” I would be able to respond with “yeah I fiddle around with it.”
I waited eight months, EIGHT. MONTHS. for someone to say to me “you play violin?” Then, it finally happened. It was the perfect setting: five of my coworkers were sitting around a table having drinks after work and one of them mentioned the fact that I have a violin. And there it was, the question, exactly as I had imagined it: “Wait, EmergencyTaco, you play violin?” Months of preparation had led to this and, without missing a beat, I responded “yeah, I fiddle around with it.”
He replied “Oh. That’s cool.” And then the conversation shifted. Not one of them got it. I spent $600 for nothing. Nothing but crushing disappointment.
Put it on my bill
it was the #2 best purchase I made for the year.
Most Impressive
I told her I’d look into it.
I was immediately blown away
I didn’t remember that, but it’s all coming back to me now
I had no option but to visit a back-alleyway dealer
Inflation.
at a second hand store.
That price of inflation is something else!
For some reason, my wife gets upset when I say I bought some cheap hose.
Reads the second-hand compass that I purchased.
Just let that sink in
Eventually she came around.
It's Marie's Marie Callender's calendar.
My accountant said it would be a sound investment.
I gave my wife a dart and said:" Throw this and, wherever it lands, i'll take you there for a holiday."
Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.
Do I need a current license?
I told them we only accept cash.
They gave me another one, free of charge.
I'll never go thru the selfie checkout again!
I couldn't sway him.
I guess I’ll take it one step at a time.
Dad Awards
To truly capture the “Spirit of the Dad” what are some achievements you think make a True Dad?
-
“Fixed it!” - complete an entire home improvement project in a single trip to the hardware/lumber store.
-
“Gotcha!” - demonstrate the Dad Reflex by catching a toddler seconds before disaster.
-
“That’s my boy/girl!” - get in trouble with the SO when your son/daughter picked up a bad habit of yours, or develops your bad sense of humor/pranks.
-
“Here boy!” - develop a stronger bond with the new family pet than any of the kids who wanted it in the first place.
-
“Office time” - spend at least 30 minutes in the bathroom hiding from the kids/spouse even though you don’t actually have to go to the bathroom.
-
“Blame it on the dog” - make at least one passenger choke on a fart in the car.
-
“Really?” - have a kid/spouse completely buy in to one of your bad dad jokes. (I had my wife convinced for nearly an hour that the rumble strips on the side of the highway was called the “Brailleway” and it was for blind drivers)
-
“But the kids will love it!” - use the kids as justification to purchase something that you’ve always wanted.
-
“Try it, you’ll like it!” - introduce a kid into your hobby as an excuse to go out more often than the spouse would usually tolerate.
-
“Saved the day!” - prevent a meltdown by fixing the favorite toy that seemed completely destroyed.
-
“Animal surgeon” - conduct ‘surgery’ to patch up a favorite stuffed animal.
-
“Here, let me show you” - take over a video game under the guise of showing the kid how to play.
What else can you add to this list?
They're calling it the car owner virus.
I shouted, “Oh come on! Not you too!”
When I first started it, the Czech engine light came on!
It was great. She’s a keeper.
Customer: I asked for 7 bees but you’ve given me 8?
Pet shop owner: yep, that’s a freebie :)
As he reached his later years he decided that he wanted to show off his good fortune. He headed to the Rolls Royce dealership to purchase their most expensive model. The salesperson was thrilled, but a bit baffled by the snail's special request. He wanted a big "S" painted on the side of the vehicle. When asked why, the snail simply said, "I want people to see me and say 'Look at that S-car-go'".
...they claimed the 10% was a re-stocking fee.
Toupee
Kronervirus
So far it’s a pretty sound investment.
To summarize:
He's never gonna give you Up
Never gonna lend you Down
Never gonna run around, and dessert you.
Wooden start
Clerk: “Sure, buy all means”
Admittedly a median joke, at best.
Put it on my bill.
At a second hand store.
Put it on my bill.
I shouted, “Oh come on! Not you too!”
He asked, “By mistake?”
I said, “Oh come on! Not you too!”
