My grandfather always used to say, “As one door closes another one opens.”
Lovely man.
Terrible cabinet maker.
Diabetes medication has a profit margin close to 1000%
Now that's just Insul(t)in'
I was getting close to retiring and offered my compost business to my son.
He replied, “I refuse to work with compost! It’s so degrading!”
As this year is coming to a close, I find myself thinking about all the things I would have done differently.
Seems like I got 20/20 hindsight.
Dwayne Johnson is a really nice guy, so he always makes sure he's as close to the wall as possible...
He hates putting anyone between The Rock and a hard place.
Bought a Raspberry Bomb pudding for Xmas. Close to sell by date.
Better eat it before it goes off.
The vegetable shop had to close
The vegetable shop had to close down.
Why?
IT WAS FULL OF LEEKS
I came so close to singing "the lion sleeps tonight"
I was only a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away
My neighbor got mad at me for planting my flowers too close to the fence...
I told them that they were still a few yards away.
Did you know you can hear blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
Yesterday my girlfriend and I went to a new(ish) sandwich shop for dinner, close to where she grew up.
Her: This building didn’t used to be here.
Me: Every building didn’t used to be there!
What’s it called when a drake chases a female, getting nearer and nearer but never close enough to mate?
Did you know that if you get really close to a lighter flame…
…it smells like burnt nose hair?
I saw a cyclist riding close to a steep cliff. He hit some gravel and veered away from the road toward the precipice. At the last minute he saved himself by jumping from his bike.
For a moment, I thought he was gone with the Schwinn.
I wasn’t close to my father when he died
Which was a good thing, because he stepped on a land mine
I’m close to completing my collection of captioned photos showing lions sleeping.....
A meme away. A meme away.
Every time we went somewhere to eat, my father would close the menu and say, “I’ll take a turtle soup...
and make it snappy”.
I hated eating anywhere with him, now I think it’s funny. Help, I’m turning into my father.
My dad used to get shot from a cannon at the circus. When he retired they had to close the show.
They couldn't find another man of his caliber.
Just been to the funeral of a close friend who died when he was hit in the head by a tennis ball
Female squirrels like to stay close to the males...
... but only 'cause their nuts.
They had to close the restaurant at the aquarium.
It had served its porpoise.
Once a Bank of America Bank cheque was lying next to a Wells Fargo Bank cheque, they started talking to each other and became friends....eventually, they became so close that they became
This close to actually being board to death
Why shouldn't you stay close to a speaker all the time?
Because it hertz your ears!
Icarus flew too close to the sun and failed miserably.
I just found that the letters ‘t’ and ‘g’ are too close to each other on the keyboard.
I’m never again writing Regards when I write an email to my boss.
Not sure if this is close enough to a pun, but found it funny anyway.
If you lean close to the Beethoven's grave
You can hear him decomposing
The announcement said to keep a close watch on my bag...
My wife was wanting to throw a shirt into the dryer to get the wrinkles out but she wanted to spray it with water first. She couldn’t find a spray bottle close by so she instead grabbed the iron to spray it... talk about the ultimate irony.
The Earthquake portion of the museum had to close early today, scientists concluded that the exhibit was faulty.
I became close to a Saudi Arabian girl I met online.
Now She wants to be friends on Eyebook.
My girlfriend and I had a race to see who could clean their dishes faster but it was so close
Physicists never get too close to skeletons.
They prefer their spooky action to be at a distance.
What animal is very close to the ground
You don't want me to close your wound for you?
When I was a navy operator, I always wondered why this plane came close to us.
My friends don’t like my interest in Japanese cartoons. I guess I’ll have to keep my friends close
I'm nowhere close to being a Dad and I just pulled this on a friend. I'm excited for my future.
imgur.com/gP1NdsK
The news was showing a series of major fires all within close proximity to each other...
... my fiancée said "It's probably arson." I retort with "Our son would never do that!"
Its a wonder she's marrying me.
My grandpa used to say "When one door closes, another shall open"
He was a great man, but a terrible cupboard maker.
As my Dad used to say, “when one door closes, another one opens.”
Lovely man, lousy cabinet maker though.
When a door closes to you
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