My friend bought a bunch of stumpy, fragrant mushrooms, claiming they were from Belgium. Are you kidding me? They’re clearly from Japan.
My wife went into labor today, so I read the front page of /r/DadJokes to her as a distraction from the pain. Unfortunately, she didn’t laugh once, was clearly not amused and I have no idea why...
It must have been the delivery...
The makers of these limes clearly watch CNN
In the future, historians will call 2020 the Hindsight year because we have clearly seen it all
People who aren't impressed by pictures of a Black Hole clearly don't understand the gravity of the situation.
Failed my audition as Romeo but my copy of the script clearly said
"Enter Juliet From Behind"
I think he's clearly dumber
Me: Can’t wait to see clearly next year..
My dad: What do you mean son? Your eyesights not that bad..
Me: Yes, but next year will be 2020.
When is a mom joke clearly a dad joke?
Can an Australian with poor vision clearly see the moon?
No, but a "good eye might".
This guy is seeing this gal named Clearly.
Suddenly, his wife Lorraine dies. The day of the funeral comes, and this guy seems pretty happy. I look over to him and say, ‘Why are you so happy?’
He looks back at me and says ‘I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone.’
Smoking clearly didn't give him any enlighterment
At least, he "seas" his objective clearly...
My AP Statistics Teacher is Clearly a Dad
Teacher: “What will next week’s test be on?”
Class: “Confidence intervals and….”
Teacher: “No, it’ll be on paper.”
Class: “Ugh…”
Teacher: “And how long will it be?”
Class: “Umm, like, ten questions?”
Teacher: “No, 8.5 by 11 inches.”
Class: “Goddamnit.”
I wanted to wear my ballroom pants, but the wife said they were unseemly! “What’s wrong,” I asked, cheekily. “Are you mad, because, clearly, I can see your nuts.” “Just a little testy, I guess.”
So basically I was friends on Minecraft with this guy but I had to stop the friendship as he clearly wanted me to have sex with him.
He kept asking for my seed
This rooster was chasing a hen, clearly meaning business. But as it passed the kitchen grandma was throwing out some breadcrumbs and so it suddenly lost interest and started pecking away.
Upon which grandpa said, "Son, pray for me, that I never get that hungry!"
Scooby Doo and the Mystery Inc. are clearly from Colombia
They make it very clear in every episode that they’re Medellín kids.
While at Weinerschnitzel a young man who was clearly stoned stepped behind me in line. She wore a shirt that read "I'm just saying you've never seen me and Batman in the same room before."
Before he ordered I turned to him and said "I'm just saying you've never seen a dinosaur and a hotdog in the same room before." The look on his face was priceless
The worst part about having depression is masturbating; clearly nuttin's going to come of it.
A skater goes to the doctor and says while holding his leg, clearly in pain:
- Doctor! My bone is outside!
And the doctor replies:
Clearly my SO is preparing for fatherhood
Me: (cuddling) I'm not sure why I'm rubbing my ear on your nose
Him: I guess you want to h-ear what I nose.
He also says "Hi Hungry, I'm (SO)" every time I say I'm hungry. Grr.
I waited in line for 45 minutes earlier for smashed pea soup that was clearly spoiled.
That restaurant needs to mind their peas and queues.
Fishing's so fake, you can clearly see the string.
Got my boss (clearly a dad) to chuckle at this one
Boss: I like to block off my calendar at the end of my day from 4-6 as my catch up time
Me: What comes after that, mustard time?
I'm still employed somehow
Dispatcher at work is clearly a dad!
Called in to get my work for the next day as I'm a student who's brought back part-time over the Christmas break.
Me: "Hi, I'm ronnockoch one of the students who is working Christmas, can I have my work for tomorrow?"
Dispatch:"Hi ronnockoch one of the students who is working Christmas, how are you?"
Conversation for about 2 minutes
Me: "Okay, see you at 5:00am tomorrow! Have a good day Dispatch!"
Dispatch:"Bye, ronnockoch one of the students who is working Christmas."
Clearly he'd fit right in here
Every time my Dad and I talk about a movie that is clearly fiction... (Transformers, any Zombie Movie, Avatar, Tron)
"Its based on a true story, right?"
I still laugh every time though, and use it myself sometimes.
Dad had clearly spent all day waiting to drop this one..
Dad: you know how Richard (my brother) is going to do a marathon in Kenya soon?
Me: yeah why?
Dad: I'm going to do a half marathon tommorow and ill finish it faster than him.
Me: no you won't, you smoke and you're unfit.
Dad: it'll be okay. I think they're called snickers now though.
Me: urghh.
A man is cheating on his wife, Lorraine, with another woman named Clearly. Suddenly, Lorraine dies.
As the man leaves her funeral, he sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone"
A man cheats on his girlfriend Lorraine with a girl name Clearly. Lorraine suddenly dies.
At the funeral the man sings 'I can see Clearly now that Lorraine is gone'.
A man cheats on his girlfriend Lorraine with a woman named Clearly.
Lorraine dies suddenly. At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."
I can see next year so clearly.
Glass is clearly see through.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
