My local supermarket was selling a pallet of 288 apples on clearance.

I was tempted, but decided against it. After inspecting them, it turned out they were just two gross.

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📅︎ Oct 19 2021
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At the store, my daughter found a shirt she liked on clearance. My wife asked her how much it cost.

I said "well, she just dropped it, so I'm gonna guess it's floor dollars."

My daughter actually gave me a fist bump for that one, which she now denies doing.

👍︎ 11
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📅︎ Aug 30 2020
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I bought some gator-skin boots on clearance because of a manufacturer's defect.

They have a reptile dysfunction.

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📅︎ Jun 29 2017
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My wife hates how I always pretend we are on walkie-talkies

Wife: our relationship is over.

Me: our relationship is what? Over.

👍︎ 11k
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👤︎ u/dandan_56
📅︎ Oct 06 2021
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Why Do Some People Get Emotional About A Bargain?

Because It Means A Great Deal.

👍︎ 16
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👤︎ u/Sir_Pengs
📅︎ Jul 09 2021
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Where can you buy used James Bond merch?

On Daniels Craiglist

👍︎ 3
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📅︎ Jun 12 2021
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A trucker called me on the cb today and asked what the date was.

I said "10/4, good buddy."

👍︎ 180
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📅︎ Oct 04 2019
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A wolf goes costume shopping...

He found a lamb costume on the clearance rack. But it still wasn't sheep enough for him.

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👤︎ u/kickypie
📅︎ Mar 05 2020
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(Dad joke inspired from work today)

It's tradition to bring baked goods (typically doughnuts) after you get your security clearance. I never bothered to ask why. I just figured it was a nice thing to do. Then it hit me...

Doughnuts and bagels are granted on a knead-to-dough basis.

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👤︎ u/JoeFas
📅︎ Dec 11 2019
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Two men walk into a bar.

Two men walk into a bar, and the bartender asks "What'll you have?"

The first man says "I'll have some H2O!"

The bartender pours the man a glass, and the first man gets refreshed.

The second man says "I'll have some H2O too!"

The bartender pours the man a glass, and the second man dies.

👍︎ 28
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📅︎ Jun 14 2015
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Classic dad joke

I work in the toys department at a local store, and everything has recently been marked down to clearance prices due to new items coming in within the next few weeks.

Cue a dad and his six year old daughter. The little girl has a little bit of a southern drawl. The dad says to pick out something on clearance, and she can maybe get it. So little girl proceeds to pick up everything on clearance and announce "This is clearance!" Over and over and over again.

Finally, little girl picks up a Barbie doll and, once again, announces "this is clearance!" Well, to me and the dad, it sounds like she is saying Clarence. So the dad snaps into full on dad joke: "hi Clarence, I'm dad." I laughed out loud and the dad started cracking up too, the daughter confused at the joke.

TL;DR, Southern drawl six year old clearance shopping, making clearance sound like Clarence, dad snaps, "hi Clarence, I'm dad"

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📅︎ Jul 30 2017
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Going through clothing at work.

A customer was interested in a jacket that was on clearance. It was missing its tag, and was the last of its kind. My coworker did some digging and found the model name. A while later, I asked him about the jacket

Me: So this jacket is called the Countdown?

Coworker: Yeah

Me: And this is the last one?

Coworker: Yeah

Me: Oh, so this is the Final Countdown!

My coworker groaned loudly and slapped his face with the palm of his hand.

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👤︎ u/avisser
📅︎ Nov 25 2016
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[LONG] Found this on my girlfriend's Dad's facebook.

Sorry, but I need to vent!! So I went to Target to get some clearance Halloween stuff. I noticed this lady was staring at me in the same aisle I was in. No biggie. I moved to the next aisle and here she comes. Again... STARING! So now I'm like, What is her problem?! I finish up my shopping and head to the check out line. Of course who is there ahead of me but this same lady. She turns around and starts staring again. So I start playing with my phone b/c I'm getting a little uncomfortable. Finally she says "I want to apologize for staring at you, but you look just like my son who just passed away." I felt really bad after that and gave her my condolences. She says "Thank you...but I have a favor to ask. I know it's weird and understand if you don't want to, but can you give me a hug and say 'Bye Mama' to me?" Inside I was like buuuuh?!??!, but understanding grief the way that I do, I went ahead and did it. She smiles, thanks me, and leaves. The cashier rings up my stuff and the total comes out to $100.87. I knew something wasn't right, because it should have been like $40 or so. The cashier then tells me that my total was included with my mom's. I'm like, "What?!!!" She said, "Your mom said you were paying for her last few items along with your things. I told her that the woman was most definitely NOT my mom. She said, well I saw you hug her and heard you call her mama. I'm like OMG...I flew out of the store looking for this horrible person, ready to drag her back in, I see her loading up her car! She saw me and jumped in her car, I got to her as she was putting her leg in, and I started pulling her leg hard enough that her wooden leg came off!! Omg how is this happening right now?! So I grabbed her other leg and started pulling! Just like I'm pulling yours right now!

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👤︎ u/haucker
📅︎ Nov 12 2015
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Ice Cream

So, we had some storms last night, and it knocked out much of the power around us, and the outages lasted throughout the day. My dad suggested that we get some ice cream after dinner:

Dad: "Do you want to go get some ice cream? I think they'll want to try and sell all their ice cream so it doesn't melt, like a clearance sale."

Me: "You mean a Liquidation?"

Note: Yes, I know the "dad joke" wasn't made by a dad, but at school, I've earned the nickname "Dad" for things like this, so I am proud.

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👤︎ u/NDLPT
📅︎ Jul 02 2014
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