How much does Santa Claus charge to park his sleigh?

Nothing. It’s on the house.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dtxdx
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28
🚨︎ report
What nationality is Santa Claus?

North Polish

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/linkhandford
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Why wouldn’t that kid play catch with Santa Claus?

He had Clausthrowphobia.

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kilokiilo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08
🚨︎ report
What did Santa say to Mrs. Claus when he saw a thunderstorm?

Looks like reindeer!!

πŸ‘︎ 130
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaesquared
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
🚨︎ report
As an adult I know now that my parents were actually Santa Claus.

But I still don’t know how they got to all those houses in one night.

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blackcatice
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you call orange Santa Claus?

Fanta Claus

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/troporos
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
🚨︎ report
What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she looked out the window?

It looks like rain, dear.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I visited my friend and when I got there I noticed he had dressed up a bottle of gin like Santa Claus. So I asked him about it.

He told me, β€œOh that? It’s just a bit of holiday spirit.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cananbaum
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Santa wakes in a start and turns to Mrs Claus

"I just had the weirdest dream, and I can't make any sense of it."

Mrs Claus sits up and replies "Why don't you tell me about it dear?"

"They're I am, doing the Christmas eve rounds, checking in on the workers and I see one of them topping up the sleigh with gas. It's just routine work, but it woke me up tonight. What do you make of it?"

"Oh I see," Mrs Claus says, "very interesting."

"Well?" Santa says expectantly.

"This is a classic example of an elf fuel filling prophecy."

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/djott3r
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What would Santa call Mrs. Claus if she was a slut?

A ho ho ho

On a serious note Merry Christmas

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/H3nTy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What did Santa Claus say when he caught Mrs. Claus cheating?

Hoe-hoe-hoe!

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trollcitybandit
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
🚨︎ report
If you dress up as santa claus is it claus-playing?
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zayyded
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Santa Claus probably has...

sELFish desires.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Agentgames25
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
🚨︎ report
What does Santa Claus use a mod operator for?

To find his remain-deer ;o)

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hopplethop
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
claus-trophobic.
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItsDaDoc
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
🚨︎ report
There were 100 kids at the North Pole with Santa Claus. Why weren't they opening the presents?

Their tiny little hooves couldn't unwrap the paper.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vikingvynotking
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Mrs. Claus kicked out Santa and now he doesn't have a place to live

So that makes him a ho ho hobo

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TesticularPizza
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Once I saw a guy dressed like santa claus...

I was in a mall and I went in the elevator and I saw santa just ripping off his beard and I got scared

After that incident, I'm claustrophobic.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/happy_anand
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2018
🚨︎ report
What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she looked out of the window?

It looks like rain, dear.

(From r/funny)

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NameMyLife
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2018
🚨︎ report
If Santa Claus forgets to pay the mortgage on his workshop.....

Is he in forclausure?

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The3dPrintMaster
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I was about 12 when my mom told me that Santa Claus was my father.

I'm not sure if she ever told my dad.

πŸ‘︎ 257
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πŸ‘€︎ u/comicsrus_joe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2017
🚨︎ report
Where does Santa Claus get his toys?

From the toilet.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shin-Kong
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2018
🚨︎ report
TIL Santa Claus is European..

North Polish to be exact

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wompwompah
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who doesn't believe in Santa Claus?

Eggnog-stic.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JessNicole114
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2018
🚨︎ report
What does Mrs. Claus do while Santa is delivering presents?

She misses Claus

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/offsky
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you cross Santa Claus with a detective?

Santa Clues

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThotHunter420
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2018
🚨︎ report
Why does Santa Claus have three gardens?

So he can hoe-hoe-hoe!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/this_is_grand
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2018
🚨︎ report
What did Mrs. Claus say to her husband when she looked to the sky? Looks like rain, dear.
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mlucasr
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2018
🚨︎ report
Last Christmas season, I took my son to see Santa Claus at the mall and he stank of booze and cigarettes.

God knows what Santa must have thought of him.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2018
🚨︎ report
LPT: For the next two months, whenever the doorbell rings, tell your kids, β€œIt’s Santa Claus”

You never have to get up again.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you know Santa Claus was Russian?

Russian to deliver all those presents!

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Car_radio21
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2018
🚨︎ report
I thought I saw Santa Claus when I pulled my Scandinavian pastry out of the oven;

turns out it was just a crisp kringle.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Aerosaurus_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2017
🚨︎ report
Why did Mrs. Claus leave Santa?

Because he only came once a year and then it was down a chimney.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lotusblossom60
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?

Claustrophobic.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BreakingGarrick
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2016
🚨︎ report
why did santa claus get a parking ticket?

because he was parked in a snow parking zone

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jnnx3
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2017
🚨︎ report
In the spirit of the holidays: what do you call a person afraid of Santa Claus?

Claustrophobic

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/125bench
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2017
🚨︎ report
Santa Claus was the original cosplayer

that's it, that's the joke. from my dad. he was in tears about it.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rainplay
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2017
🚨︎ report
What did Santa Claus say to Rudolph about the weather?

It's going to rein, deer

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chelseadaggered
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2016
🚨︎ report
Santa Claus's tomb may have been uncovered today. Crazy.

And to think, all it took was a hoe hoe hoe.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gdmovich
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2017
🚨︎ report
The last Czar challenged Santa Claus to compete against him in a marathon...

It was the closest race ever.

The entire time, they were Nick and Nick.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2017
🚨︎ report
How much did Santa Claus pay for his sleigh?

Nothing, it was on the house.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2016
🚨︎ report
Santa Claus's insults are the worst.

He really sleighs you.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sum_buddy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call a Santa Claus whose legs are different lengths?

Slanta Claus

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoNotLookDown
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2016
🚨︎ report
What nationality is Santa Claus?

North Pole-ish.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheG-What
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2015
🚨︎ report
Santa Claus forgot to shave.

Hairy Christmas.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRtHonLaqueesha
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2016
🚨︎ report
Where does Santa Claus go to relax?

On sleigh-cation!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/heidgerken
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2016
🚨︎ report
Theres a commercial with Santa Claus on TV..

Dad: I don't know why he's so fucking jolly, he only comes once a year...

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/savagecharles
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2013
🚨︎ report

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