Art class puns
What do you call it when someone mislabels a colour? A false acHUEsation!
My new job at the nuclear reactor requires me to take anger management classes.
They're to prevent meltdowns.
Every day, my teacher starts her class by reading a joke from r/dadjokes, but today she is absent.
I got bored in Online class
My pal and I went to dissect insects in biology class. He looks down and says
I learned about these people in history class last month I feel smart
Funny how in the past everyone owned horses and only the rich owned cars, and now everyone has cars and only the rich have horses...
My how the stables have turned.
Edit: Wow guys, thanks for all the love!
I got an F in art class on purpose
I wanted my report card to spell out F art
The first day of flying class, I looked down nervously and asked my instructor, “Wow! What are all these buttons for?”
He said, “They are used to keep your shirt closed.”
Why was the mermaid kicked out of Geometry class?
She forgot her Algae-bra.
Why should you bring a pencil sharpener to every class?
So you always get the point!
TIL of Private First Class, Francis Lipton— an American soldier in the Revolutionary war. Who invented a delicious new beverage while fighting at Valley Forge.
It was the first known casual tea of war.
What did Matthew McConaughey say to his English class?
All write, all write, all write
The teacher caught me stirring up trouble in chemistry class...
...so she sent me home with a colloidal suspension.
My daughter says she's not doing well in music class.
She's having a hard time taking notes.
My son's literature class is reading Robinson Crusoe...
The teacher said there will be a quiz on Friday.
Little Johnny is in class on day
The teacher asks the class, “ there are five birds on a power line, and you shoot two of them, how many are left?”
Johnny replies, “ none the rest flew away when they heard the shot.”
The teacher says, “ no three are left but I like the way you think.”
So then Johnny says, “ let me ask you a question. There are three women eating ice cream, one licking it, one sucking it, and one biting it, which ones married?”
The teacher says, “ the one sucking?”
Johnny says, “ no the one with the wedding ring but I like the way you think.”
Today's class
Me: What's today's Criminology class on?
Friend: Cannibals.
Me: (gasps) A Hannibal Lecture!
My son has a teacher who never farts in front of the class
Pay attention in class kids
Little Timmy is in english class
Teacher: Timmy, tell me a word that begins with M
Timmy: Yesterday
Teacher: But Timmy, yesterday doesn't begin with M, begins with Y
Timmy: But teacher, yesterday was monday
My daughter was complaining about doing exponents in math class.
I told her exponents are easier when you look to a higher power.
HISStory is my favourite class as well!
So, you do understand how constantly treating life like an improv class is unhealthy right?
I signed up for a Binary 101 class, but I failed it miserably.
Turns out it’s a Level 5 course.
What kind of shoes do you wear to biology class?
What do you call it when a teacher watches his class as they take a test and plays online poker at the same time?
I just failed my Information Technology class...
My calculus professor was 16 minutes late for the first class, 8 minutes late for the second, and 4 minutes late for the third.
At this rate, he will never be there on time.
One time in my anatomy class, we dissected a sheep brain and I have to admit, I felt a bit sheepish about it.
Sorry, that was just a ba-a-a-a-a-a-a-d joke.
Once my school had multiple teachers absent and they sent the substitutes to the wrong class AMA
My anatomy class is currently covering the skeletal system and my professor is being unreasonable with the amount of material we need to know so I made an office hour appointment to speak with him.
You can bet your ass I have a bone to pick with him.
My 7 year old son is remote learning and I walked into the room to find him logged into his class with his back facing the computer screen. I asked, “what are you doing?”
He said, “I’m back to school!”
I'm a teacher and I like to do superhero impressions before class to put students in a good mood.
The other day I told them I was going to do an imitation of Batman, so I started off with:
"Argh… kryptonite, getting weaker…"
"THAT'S SUPERMAN!" a student in the back row yelled
"Thanks man, I've been practicing a lot", I replied.
A math teacher asked his class...
"If you have ten dollars and ask your dad for ten dollars, how many dollars do you have?"
A student replied, "10 dollars"
The teacher responds, "You don't know your maths, kiddo"
To which the student replies, "Well you don't know my dad"
My carpentry teacher didn't come to class today.
I guess morning wood was canceled.
I’m in a really boring geology class...
I really miss drama class...
...it was the only class where I didn't get in trouble for acting up
Spin class
Me: “How was the gym?”
My wife (pregnant with our first): “It was awesome, I did 45 minutes of spinning”
Me: “Jeez, you must be dizzy!”
Wife: (just shakes her head in disapproval)
Is this a new joke or did I subconsciously steal it from somewhere? Also is it any good?! Am I ready to be a dad??
I tried to believe my son when he said he was not stealing arcs from his geometry class...
But upon checking his backpack, all the sines were there.
An English professor was telling his class that a double negative makes a positive, but there was no case in which a double positive creates a negative.
From the back of the room a Physics professor said, "Yeah, yeah."
What do you call a class that teaches how to cook and eat people?
I do really feel bad for the Class of 2020. People say your senior year flys..
I just didn’t realize it would Zoom..
What do you call the kid in class that always demands the teacher give the exam results ASAP?
I asked my son what class he was in after lunch.
'Middle,' he said, 'same as before lunch.'
In my graphic design course, we all had to make typefaces inspired by our favorite US cities, and present them in class.
We all knew that at some point, we’d have to discuss the LA font in the room.
For a Chemistry teacher, what is the golden rule that his class must follow?
That they maintain decAurum
Every day, my teacher reads a joke from Reddit to start the class, but today she is absent.
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