Cherry Tree Puns

They’re stumped.

Paint its toenails red.

Washington and Michigan grow both the sweet type, which is great for eating raw, and the sour type, which is used in pies and sauces.

But California grows only the sweet type. It's untarted cherritory.

Exactly. Because they're damn good at it!

Because George Washington cut one.

Because they're really good at it!

Daughter: (Studiously ignores him).

Dad: To eat some cherries.

Daughter: (Not looking up from her phone). Maple trees don't have cherries, Dad.

Dad: He brought his own.

How do you kill a blue elephant? (How?) With a blue elephant gun.

How you you kill a pink elephant? (With a pink elephant gun?) No, you hold its trunk til it turns blue then shoot it with the blue elephant gun

Why do elephants paint their toenails red? (No clue...?) So they can hide in cherry trees

Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? (Of course not) Then clearly it works

A pool table

Because they're very good at it.

EDIT: If your looking for animal jokes, read the comments section.

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....

One clown asked another clown, “Why do elephants paint their toenails red?”

The second clown thought and replied that he didn’t know.

The first clown said, “So they can hide in cherry trees! Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?”

“No,” replied the second clown.

“See how well it works!”

Once, there was a young woman who wanted to do a little psychological experiment. So she carefully bred cherry trees to bloom in multiple colors, and arranged to have them planted such that the trees of one color would spell out the name of some other color. You know, to test the Stroop effect.

However, the instructions (which were, admittedly, odd) weren't transmitted to the workers (all starving underpaid grad students) effectively, so the groups of various colored cherry trees were planted such that the colors matched the names, completely invalidating her experiment.

She's now the Stroop drupe group blooper girl, Stroop drupe blooper girl, Stroop drupe blooper girl...

She now focuses on Anglo-Saxon royalty.

Do you know why elephants have red eyes?

> um, no man, why?

So they can hide in cherry trees

> rolls eyes, yeah sure

Did you ever see an elephant hide in a cherry tree?

> um, no

See, thats how well it works

A Christmas Poem
by Dad (1952–2009)

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the shack,
Not a creature was stirring, we was all in the sack;

Our mugs were placed on the mantle with cheer,
In hope that Saint Nick would bring us a beer;

And me I was tucked up all snug in my bed,
But strains of sweet music still danced through my head;

So I sprang from my bed with a crash and a clatter,
And off down the hall with bare feet did I patter;

There on the chair sat my musical pipe,
So I sat down to play without fanfare or hype;

Come Mozart, come Hayden, Stravinski and Strauss,
And write me some music to bring down the house;

When down from the chimney appeared with a crash,
A strange little man in the smoke and the ash;

He wiggled and jumped and got up like a shot,
Came over and said, "Man those cinders are hot!";

His stomach it shook like a bowl full of jelly,
For a moment I thought it was dear old aunt Nelly;

His nose like a cherry, his ears like two jugs,
I was worried that this guy just might be on drugs;

His language was foul, his jokes they were crass,
So I opened the door and threw him out on his ass;

But then as I turned, boy was I ever surprised;
I saw what he'd bought me, or so I surmised;

For there in the corner right under the tree,
Was some brand new sheet music and a case of O.V.;

I turned to say thank-you but found he had gone,
He was not in the garden and not on the lawn;

And just when I thought that he couldn't get far,
I realized the old goat had stolen the car;

Off in the distance he said with a wheeze,
"I hated to do it but you left me the keys!";

I smiled and laughed for this much I could savour,
For I'd just sold the car to my idiot neighbour;

And once more he called as he drove out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to all, and don't drive when you're tight!"

Thank you for everything, Dad. We love and miss you.

Dad: Hey, why did the elephant paint his balls red?

Me: Umm.. I don't know, why?

Dad: To hide in a cherry tree!

Me: ...

Dad: Okay.. how did Tarzan get killed?

Me: sigh I don't know Dad, how?

Dad: Picking cherries!

Facepalms all around by everyone in earshot, and Dad would know that he had done well.

You paint its toenails red.

...

Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?

...

See how good it works‽

So it could hide in a cherry tree. Have you ever seen an elephant hiding in a cherry tree? It works.

To hide in a cherry tree!

Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?

Works, don't it

So they can hide in cherry trees. Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? Then it must work.

So they can hide in cherry trees.

*Pause for effect

Ever see an elephant in a cherry tree? I guess it works!

So they can hide in cherry trees!

What? You never saw an elephant hiding in a cherry tree?

See how well it works?

To hide in cherry trees.

You ever see an elephant hiding in a cherry tree?

Hide pretty well, don't they?