How do elephants hide in the jungle?

They paint their balls red and hide in cherry trees.

How did Tarzan die. He went picking cherries.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/tiger7971
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
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A man and a woman are at a bar

A man and a woman are sitting in a bar. After some time, the woman notices that the man has not looked in her direction once. Curious, she asks the man if he would like to buy her a drink.

Playing coy the man responds, "Ma'am, you are beautiful indeed, but are you talented as well?"

Feeling flirty, the woman takes a cherry from the bar and puts it in her mouth, stem and all. Within seconds she swallows the cherry, spits out the seed, and reveals the stem, tied in a perfect knot.

The man chuckles. Without another word he picks up a cherry and pulls off the stem. He puts the stem in his mouth, and pounds the rest of his beer in one gulp, revealing and empty mouth to the woman.

Perplexed, the woman asks, "Is that supposed to impress me?"

Confidently, the man replies, "Indeed I do believe it will."

She laughs and says, "It will? Are you shitting me?"

He responds, "I shit you knot."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MadeToDisagree
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
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Did you know that the Vatican is interested in horticulture?

They've been cherry picking since the 4th century CE.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Wakanda4eva4eva
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
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The adventures of Max Dad, P.I.

The sun shone into my office through the lowered blinds all clumsy like, fumbling through the gaps between the venetian slats like a drunk fishing for loose change in his pockets; trying to see if he has money enough for one last drink or maybe the bus ride home.

The dame looked me up and down, clearly disappointed by what sat in front of her. I didnโ€™t blame her. Three days of salt and pepper stubble clung to my my crude boxerโ€™s jaw and the bags under my eyes were so big half the bums downtown could sleep in there and not even know anyone else was with 'em. That was ok. This broad wasnโ€™t hiring me for my looks and I wasnโ€™t looking to her for approval. We both knew what brought her in here, it was the name on the door.

Max Dad P.I. - thatโ€™s me. Private Investigatorโ€™s sure not the profession my mother would have picked out for me, but it keeps me in whisky and it keeps a roof over my head and thatโ€™ll do for now. The dame parted those cherry red lips of hers as she took another pull on that just-lit cigarette and nervously stubbed it out in the ashtray. My eyebrows knit together slightly. I hate seeing things go to waste.

โ€œSo as I was saying, Mr Dad,โ€ she began.

โ€œPlease, call me Maxโ€

โ€œAlright, Maxโ€ฆ well, as I was saying, my bag is missing. Stolen, I think. I urgently need it back. Shall I describe it to you?โ€

โ€œNo thatโ€™s alright miss. You got nothing to worry about,โ€ I replied, sliding a bottle out of the desk drawer and pouring a big slug of scotch into to my morning coffee, โ€œIโ€™m sure itโ€™ll be a brief case.โ€

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/johnnyohnny
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 18 2016
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Dad's old one-two combo.

Dad: Hey, why did the elephant paint his balls red?

Me: Umm.. I don't know, why?

Dad: To hide in a cherry tree!

Me: ...

Dad: Okay.. how did Tarzan get killed?

Me: sigh I don't know Dad, how?

Dad: Picking cherries!

Facepalms all around by everyone in earshot, and Dad would know that he had done well.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/danmayzing
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 30 2013
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Dad and the Cherries

This was a few months ago, and I only just thought of posting it here.

We were on our yearly holiday and mum decided to take us cherry picking. Driving along the road, mum told us to 'look out for signs leading to cherries.' In confusion, my dad looked at her and goes "I didn't know cherries could leave footprints. Hell, I didn't even know they had feet."

He laughed for a good 5 minutes.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/snooper_sand_legend
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 24 2013
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This one kept me up.

Girlfriend picking out a flavor of Coke: "This one's cherry."

Me, pointing at chair: "This one's chairy too."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Lying_Dutchman
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 26 2014
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