I was going through the checkout when my card didn't work. The cashier said that I should try the card again.

I looked down at my shirt and said, "but I like my polo".

I had to explain it, but once she got it she thought it was hilarious. I'm very proud of this joke.

πŸ‘︎ 154
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaGeek247
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
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At the checkout counter at my daughter’s favorite clothing store:

Clerk, attempting to add me to their email list: β€œDo you have a good email?”

Me: β€œIt’s pretty good but I don’t know that I would brag about it. Thank you for asking.”

Clerk, as everyone around begins to laugh: β€œI love dad jokes. I need to call my dad”

My daughter tried to fain embarrassment but still tells that story at family gatherings.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Play2Win1776
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2021
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I really want to buy one of the grocery checkout dividers but the lady behind the counter keeps putting it back
πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RLalaggin
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
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Just heard a grocery store manager telling off a young guy on the checkout. β€œWhy’d you ask that woman with kids for ID? What was she buying?”

β€œCardamom”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aphex-Puddle
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
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Why don't they have self checkout at the Gap?

Because people got confused when they ask you to swipe your cardigan.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/usuallyhungover
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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I was recently promoted on the supermarket security team to look out for people taking 11 items through the "10 items or less" checkout...

I am now a counter-terrorism officer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/E420CDI
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2020
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I always use the self checkout

They always have the cutest cashiers.

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/planemanx15
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2019
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My Norwegian girlfriend works at the pet store and I saw her checkout a pet bird today.

I guess you could say she Scandinavian.

πŸ‘︎ 187
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bryanBr
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2018
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Home Depot checkout line is as good a place as any for a dad joke

I needed to run to Home Depot just a little while ago, and my eight year old son has been driving my wife insane, so he was sent with me. He asked a hundred questions about what tool does what and why I needed this or that. Despite my distracted supervision, he surely mixed up several loose nuts and bolts.

At the exit of the self checkout line, there's a massive gumball machine that holds massive gumballs. I rarely carry change, so he's out of luck.

Sonny Boy: Dad, can I have a quarter?

Me (checking out): Nope. Don't have one.

Sonny Boy: You don't have any cents?

Me: If I had any cents, I'd have left you at home tonight.

No, he didn't get it, and I'm shocked he set it up so well by saying cents. But, the dude in the line next to me let out a solid guffaw. We made the satisfying, knowing eye contact of two dad joke aficionados. I'm glad someone else heard it.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dtsjr
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2014
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Every time I go shopping I try to buy a checkout divider

and every time the cashier puts it back!

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiddlyDoddo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2019
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Self Checkout [x-post /r/funny]
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UnknownSense
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2013
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Dadjoked at Checkout

I am a cashier at Publix and had a guy and his wife come through my line. Upon ringing up his milk I asked "do you want your milk in a bag?"

Dad: "No thanks, I find it easier to take it home in the jug it came in!"

Dad's wife: "Dammit Phil, you say that every time we get milk."

Apparently, even after saying it every time, it still makes him chuckle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jreppa
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2014
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Come checkout my fireplace tonight

It’s gonna be lit πŸ”₯

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Esus9
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2018
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Supermarket checkout girl didn't appreciate my humour

Her> Would you like me to pack?

Me> We've only just met. I didn't know you were leaving already.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/haggiskiwi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2014
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Dad joke upon checkout in retail

Store clerk: Can I get an email address?

Me: Sure! Go to gmail.com and click β€œregister.” You can make up pretty much anything you want.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KennethPowersIII
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2018
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So I'm at the store today, and I've gathered my items. I head for the checkout to pay for all of my stuff, while on my way there, I see a guy acting a little strange, but I continue on my way.

I set my items on the counter, and the cashier starts ringing them up one after another while I wait patiently. I notice the guy in line behind me a few people still acting a little weird, antsy is how I would describe it.

Anyways, the cashier snaps me out of my thoughts by telling me my total and as I go to reach for my wallet, I see the guy dashing out the door.... as in transfixed on his fleeing image, my hand reaches my pocket and I realize he's stolen my wallet!

I make a mad dash for him, chasing him down in the middle of the parking lot. He reaches his vehicle at the other end and as he hops in, I catch up to him and I'm able to grab his leg. I start pulling his leg and pulling his leg harder and harder trying to get him out.

I keep pulling his leg very similarly to how I've been pulling your leg for the last minute.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2017
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Boyfriend at the checkout line

While our groceries are being scanned, the clerk asks, "Have you checked your eggs?"

I responded, "No; I haven't."

The clerk opens the egg carton and my boyfriend says, "Yep! Those are eggs alright!"

πŸ‘︎ 81
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAsianGirl
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2014
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The checkout line

It's like a captive audience. Dad laid this one down while shopping for Christmas dinner.

Would you prefer paper or plastic, sir?

Either is fine, I'm bisacksual

πŸ‘︎ 112
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Swiveldick
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2013
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There have been years of analysis by mainframe computers but it was a humble supermarket self checkout which finally unlocked the secrets of how dogs communicate with each other.

Apparently, it's a series of bark codes.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2017
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He just looked me dead in the eyes and said, "I'll see you at the checkout."

So I was standing in the grocery store comparing the prices of a couple packs of hummus when my roommate came up to me and suggest the off brand roasted red pepper kind to which I replied:

"Ya, I'm not really sure about that brand. They seem to be very hit and hummus for me."

He was not impressed.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RepostFrom4chan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2015
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Someone at work today left their packaged meat at the self-checkout.

Guess he made a missed steak.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jcb245
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2017
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Self checkout enquiery

Dad walks up to the Lowe's cashier attending to the self-checkout machines:

"Excuse me, where's the mirror?"

Cashier goes, "Uh," clearly flummoxed.

Dad, "I just wanted to check myself out."

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trevorade
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2015
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Every time me and my dad are at the checkout..

Checkout person (male or female - no one is spared): do you want help with your packing?

Dad: well yes, if you don't mind. I'm going away on holiday tomorrow!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Little_dot_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2015
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I'm at the checkout counter with batteries...

and the checkout girl asks if I want a bag for them. I say "No thanks, I'll wear them out." She actually smiled. Yes, I'm a dad.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ibrentlam
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2013
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While waiting to checkout at Party City, I see a dad buying at least two dozen inflated birthday balloons...

Older gent in front of me pipes up.

"You're certainly light on your feet!"

He looked so pleased with himself.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/deadlygolfcart
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2014
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Overheard dadjoke at the checkout

A dad's in front of me with his teenage daughter buying school supplies. Goes to tap to pay and notices a sign "VISA does not tap."

Imgur

Dad, loudly: "So, VISA does not tap, eh? VISA will salsa but it refuses to tap!"

Girl, obviously used to this: "Dad!"

Can still hear the dad as they leave, "Do you think VISA would do the merengue?"

Asked to take a photo of the sign and saw a knowing look on the teen clerk's face. I think he knew where this was going...

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/robotropolis
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2014
🚨︎ report
While receiving change from the self-service checkout line.

Machine pumps out 3 brand new one dollar bills

Brother: "Man, those are crisp!"

Me: sniffs bills "...Minty"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ski3223
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2014
🚨︎ report
Dadjoked at the Checkouts

Buying venison when the person behind me says:

"Venison, eh? That's game"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Para11axis
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2014
🚨︎ report
In the grocery store checkout line...

A dad and his young daughter behind me in line:

  • Daughter: Is it hard to get past security here?
  • Dad: No, it's very easy.
  • Daughter: How?
  • Dad: You pay.
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xVertig0
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2014
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My dad says this every time we go through the checkout.

Cashier: "Would you like your drink in a bag or out?"

Dad: "No thanks, we'll drink and drive." (Huge shiteating grin)

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EvManiac
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2013
🚨︎ report
I really want to buy one those supermarket checkout dividers.

But the lady behind the till keeps putting it back

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
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I really want to buy one of those grocery checkout dividers but…

…the lady behind the counter keeps putting it back.

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I really want to buy one of those grocery dividers, but the lady at the checkout keeps putting it back
πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alex_0607
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
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I really want to buy one of those grocery dividers, but the lady at the checkout keeps putting it back
πŸ‘︎ 110
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rowdywomen
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
🚨︎ report

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