Son? What do calendars and canned goods have in common?

They have dates.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SirMalcolmK
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I can’t do good work in Excel without getting compliments,

I really need the validation.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VaiterZen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Can anyone tell me the Japanese word for "good"

I dont know it, but I thought umaido

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JCokeDaKilla
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
🚨︎ report
I've never had an eggs benedict at a restaurant as good as the one I can make in my own kitchen.

There's no place like home for the hollandaise.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Laimbrane
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
How can you tell a good father?

By the quality of his dad jokes....

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RasberryOnline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
When my uncle worked at the iron mill he made a fortune sneaking out material that he could sell. One can say he was very good at steeling.
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rattatamj
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A Chihuahua and a Bulldog are in a bar having a drink, when a good-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me." So the Bulldog says, "I love liver and cheese." The Collie replies, "That's not good enough."

Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone, cheese mine."

πŸ‘︎ 109
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Fathers of reddit what are some good softball puns that I can use?

I have a girl I want to woo and take her to prom but I need some good material that is funny and gets to the point, I know this isn’t a joke but i really wanna take her to prom

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Aqualogarithm8
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I can never have a good conversation about wrenches with anyone...

I guess there just isn’t that much to torque about.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LazyBeast_Gaming
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I was in town earlier on looking for some fly killer. I picked up a can and asked the young store assistant "Excuse me, is this any good for wasps?"

"No" he said, "It kills them"

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Can someone recommend a good dermatologist?
πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/theswarthyknight
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Is it a good restaurant? How can you ask me that? I mean...
πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ElvisGrizzly
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I apologise if this isn't allowed.

New to this subreddit. I know the point of this thing is to share funny jokes, but since I'm a newbie I hope you'll allow me this one opportunity to make a serious but friendly PSA: If you're lucky enough to have a father, don't take him for granted. Even when they scold or punish you, trust their judgement, it's likely for good reason even if you can't see it at the time. When I was a child I narrowly avoided a horrific accident in which 4 of my friends were electrocuted at a playground we used to play on every day after school. I used to hate my old man for being so strict and disciplining me when all of my friends got to run wild, but if it weren't for him I definitely would have been electrocuted too that day. But I wasn't. I was grounded.

πŸ‘︎ 17k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NoThruTrucks
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a very good math teacher. He was an integral part of my life. It doesn’t add up that I can’t remember who he was.

He is a real Mister Riemann.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Colbosky
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes...

You need to let that mango.

πŸ‘︎ 16k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/__teju
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the italian chef that died?

He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. Theres nutelling what can happen next... His legacy will become a pizza history. Here today, gone tomato. I can only espress-so much grief, but lettuce romaine calm. How sad that he ran out of thyme. Ashes to ashes, crust to crust. There's just not mushroom left for italian chefs in this world... Sending olive my prayers to his family. His wife is really upset, cheese still not over it... You never sausage a tragic thing. Its such a shame good people die fusilli reasons. It was a farfalle from grace... My condolences for Roberto, who died in the spaghetto. May he rest in yeastπŸ™πŸ»β€οΈ

Wow! Im so glad so many people laughed at this joke, I got so much happy feedback from everyone lol thank u sm for all the rewards and upvotes, my week couldnt get better!😁

πŸ‘︎ 18k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iLoveRaviolis
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I can't think of a good flower pun right now...

Thistle have to do.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2020
🚨︎ report
You can always tell how good a dad is, by how many baby wipes they use

3 wipes: rookie dad, hasn't figured it out yet

2 wipes: getting there, but still a noob

1 wipe: master dad

0 wipes: not a very good dad.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/johnblu5
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
🚨︎ report
How can you tell when a farmer is really good at what he does?

When he's outstanding in his field

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LargeBigHuge
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Those people who refuse to date foot amputees?

They are lack toes intolerant.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/callmefinny
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I can never do any good titles
πŸ‘︎ 551
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Alt_Alpha9
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Help, can someone help me make my elevator pitch more interesting, and can anyone think of a good Egyptian related pun to put as an opener?
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ScareOdin00608
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Some punny jobs

WORKING ON A JOB

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned I just couldn’t concentrate. . Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe. . After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it. The job was only so-so anyhow. . Next I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was exhausting. . I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn’t cut it. . I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn’t cut the mustard. . My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn’t note worthy. . I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn’t have any patience. . Next was a job in a shoe factory; but it just wasn’t the right fit. . I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn’t live on my net income. . I thought about becoming a witch, so I tried that for a spell. . I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining. . After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a historian, until I realized there was no future in it. . My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit, because it was always the same old grind.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TTMOfficial
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
You know, not everyone can preserve perishable goods inside metallic containers

But I can!

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Thattransgal
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My son asked if I could tell him what a solar eclipse is

I said β€œNo sun”

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I can not think of a good pun for the title
πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
🚨︎ report
/r/puns best of 2020 nomination thread!

Welcome to /r/puns bestof 2020 nomination thread! A chance to win reddit premium.

Comment below the links of posts/comments that were exceptional.

  • Post/comment must have been made in the year 2020.

  • Anybody can nominate.

  • One person can nominate maximum of 1 post or comment.

Prizes:

1 month reddit premium (no ads on your feed) and access to the reddit lounge to the exceptional post/comment.

Note: The person who nominates will also get award if the post they nominate is good. (Very likely you will get it :)

All the best!!

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shampoo_and_dick
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I went for an interview. They said, β€œCan you perform under pressure?”

I said β€œI’m not sure about that but I can have a good crack at Bohemian Rhapsody”

πŸ‘︎ 736
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LIS1050010
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Does anyone know where I can find a good James?

It’s just a fancy gym.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/waxingcresent
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I was in the pub having a drink when a girl came up to me and said she can show me a good time. So I followed her out the back where she took off her top...

...and she ran 100m in 10 seconds

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cormac-Dockry
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Having gay parents must be horrible

You either get twice the amount of dad jokes or you get stuck in an infinite loop of "go ask your mom."

Edit: On another Sub someone called me a homophobe. I want to say I'm not a homophobe it was simply a light hearted joke. I'm gay myself and wouldn't want to create hate or controversy. So sorry if I offended anyone.

Edit 2: Thanks for giving me my first award.

Edit 3: if you have heard it else where then fine Like this one guy in the comments said "I’ve seen it a few times but no doubt many people haven’t. No reason a good joke can’t be posted bc someone’s posted it in the past."

Edit 4: making too many edits but thanks for the gold kind stranger (And all of them means alot)

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SergeantSolar
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I can’t think of a good title.
πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CREEPONATER
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2019
🚨︎ report
A good Knight should make sure they have a weapon that they can count on
πŸ‘︎ 84
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vidoardes
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Don’t want to get political, but I simply can’t resist a good pu(ti)n
πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LadySaye
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Can you think of a good Star Wars pun?

Coruscant.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tehmayormccheese
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Good one from my dad: "I can cut wood by just looking at it"

Came up during a conversation about having a bonfire

Dad "Here's something you might not have known about me, I can cut wood by just looking at it"

Me, fully expecting a dad joke: "I don't believe you but would you care to elaborate"

Dad: "Its true! I saw it with my own eyes"

He giggled to himself for about 10 minutes after that one.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sb95500
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2016
🚨︎ report
Sad news. I broke up with my girlfriend Loraine

She found out I was seeing another girl, Claire Lee. Good news though, I can see Claire Lee now, Loraine is gone

ripped off

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Aderkaperk1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you know Father Time is actually really good at boxing?

Yeah, he can clock you a good one.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
not only is it a pun based on the song "Can't Hold Us" by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis, it's also a good reminder on how to pronounce the word coelacanth (seeΒ·luhΒ·kanth)!
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aloees
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Can't think of a good title
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MONKEEYBOY04
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
🚨︎ report
A man walked into a hardware store, picked up a can of fly spray and asked the assistant, "Is this good for wasps?"

"No, it kills them."

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
🚨︎ report
A man walked into a hardware store, picked up a can of fly spray and asked the assistant, "Is this good for wasps?"

"No, it kills them."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
🚨︎ report
A man walked into a hardware store, picked up a can of fly spray and asked the assistant, β€œIs this good for wasps?”

He said, β€œNo, it kills them.”

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.