We know the Panama has had its problems, and the Suez had that ship stuck recently, but my co-worker must know of another problematic waterway. Every day he yells out...

β€˜Far Canal. I hate this place’.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AndrewMacSydney
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
🚨︎ report
A mailman starts his first day on the job in Amsterdam.

He has to get to the other side of the canal but can't seem to find a bridge. On the other side he sees someone walking his dog. How do I get to the opposite side? He shouts. You already are the man responds.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lorenboy2001
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
🚨︎ report
I told my dad that I always felt a deep sense of foreboding when we drive on the bridge over the canal

He said "That's because the canal IS for boating."

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Some unexpected consequences of coronavirus..

So it's been almost 3 weeks since a lockdown was triggered in the UK and there have been quite a few knock on effects.. Some good and some bad which I want to share in this post.

Firstly one of my friends lost his job. He worked as a psychic.. Never saw it coming. Its been a difficult couple of weeks and he is now considering a complete career change...considering becoming a baker of all things.. But I suppose he really kneads the dough. I suggested he focus on photography, but nothing ever developed.

Another of my friends was also made redundant. He managed to get a Skype interview for a position in Tescos within a few days. The interviewer asked him: "what is your biggest weakness?", he replied "I don't know when to quit". The interviewer said "OK, your hired". He said "I quit".

Work has been busy for me but since I can't enjoy the things I usually do I have been looking for some new things to do around the house. It's been nice have the thyme to do more cooking. I randomly started a boat building business in my garage.. Sails have gone through the roof.

In an unsettling reversal of my teenage years I am now shouting at my parents for leaving the house. I suggested they take up scrabble to keep them occupied.. Turned out to be a bad idea from the word go.

It's been great hearing about how world pollution levels have been failling. I read the story about fish now being visible in the canals in Venice.. I hope that story isnt a load of pollocks! Cod, these were eely bad. Will stop carping on now!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Puns for Educated Minds
  1. The fattest knight at King Arthurs round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

  2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

  3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

  4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

  5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

  6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

  7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

  8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

  9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

  10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

  11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

  12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: You stay here; I'll go on a head.

  13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

  14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: Keep off the Grass.

  15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

  16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

  17. A backward poet writes inverse.

  18. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

  19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

  20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

  21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.

  22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says Dam!

  23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

  24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, I’ve lost my electron. The other says Are you sure? The first replies, Yes, I’m positive.

  25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

  26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

πŸ‘︎ 169
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FreshFocusPhoto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2015
🚨︎ report
[REQUEST] Help me name my TV show.

I'm in the process of getting a show on the local public access channel started. It's going to be a weekly recording studio session that showcases local bands. Most of the paperwork is done, I just need a snappy title. The best I can come up with is "The Here Canal," but I think /r/puns can do better!

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wkuechen
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2013
🚨︎ report
again one of those wife-comebacks

My wife and I were sitting by one of the canals in my city when a duck came flying towards us. I shouted "Duck" as it flew close over our heads and was really please with myself. My wife doesn't even smile so I ask if she didn't think it was funny. Her reply: "I guess it went over my head"

πŸ‘︎ 202
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lweinreich
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2016
🚨︎ report
Why did Mr Skeltal go to the dentist?

He needed a doot canal

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PM_THE_NEWS
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2016
🚨︎ report
Wife is ruthless...

Proud of my wife. She went to the dentist to get a filling that had fallen out replaced, ended up having a root canal extraction. When she got home she warned me "dont mess with me, I'm rootless!" One of us!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/equallynuts
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2017
🚨︎ report
So I went to the dentist the other day.

I had to get a root canal at the dentist the other day and the dentist told me that I could either keep my tooth and get a root canal (more expensive) or just get the tooth pulled and replaced by something else (a bit less expensive). He then asked me what I wanted to do.

I told him I'd like to keep my tooth; I've become pretty attached to it.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sereneMelody
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2013
🚨︎ report
A bug's life

So this thing flew into my wife's ear last night. After a trip to the emergency room to get it out and take care of the excruciating pain caused by the bug moving around in her ear canal I started up on the dad jokes.

'Huh, looks like you caught a bug'

'I guess that was bugging you'

'You were acting kind of buggy with that in your ear'

'Did we just see a bug's life?'

I enjoyed them immensely. My wife just rolled her eyes at me.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/smileyman
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2014
🚨︎ report
A Dadjoke from 16 years ago

When my little brother was born, he got super bruised from the birth canal and came out purple. As soon as he was born, my grandfather (who was in the delivery room) turned to my grandmother and asked:

"Is there anyone purple on your side of the family?"

Proof of purple baby

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tux_the_Penguin
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2014
🚨︎ report
Dentist visit

Dad said this one to me today as I have a dentist appointment. "When you are sitting in the chair, don't forget to root for the canal."

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/suave84
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2013
🚨︎ report
I like my dad's jokes

Dad: What's the difference between a circus and the rockettes? one is a cunning display of stunts the other is a stunning display of .....

whats the difference between the Panama Canal and Hillary Clinton? one's a busy ditch the others a dizzy .....

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Greenautobus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2013
🚨︎ report
Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.