Currently writing a screenplay for a show called Pun: The Musical.
I'm writing a new Broadway show called "Puns"
I just called GameStop Customer Service...
They asked me to please Hold. 💎🤲
Why are priests called father?
because its too suspicious to call them daddy.
I've opened a restaurant called "Peace And Quiet."
I was confused as to how much lettuce to buy from the grocery store, so I called my wife.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
It should be called Yeaster.
What’s a small mosque in Tijuana called?
Why are Pirates called Pirates?
Our doorbell rang and my son called to me, "Dad, there's a salesman here with a mustache!" I yelled back...
"Tell him I've already got one!"
Reddit coins should be called Creddit
What is a bee in doubt called?
Why was Darth Vader called "Lord Vader"?
Because "Master Vader" made the storm troopers giggle.
My mates and I are in a band called "Duvet".
I wrote this story called 404.
I lost it and I couldn't find it.
(if this has been done before sorry, I just randomly thought of this)
I've never put my meat there before but I've been called adventurous...
imgur.com/rxy4LtB
They really mis-named the superhero called "Ant-man"
He should really be called Uncle.
Can't really take credit, my nieces made the joke while watching the movie. Regionally "Aunt" is pronounced as "ant"
My son video called me this morning
He said “Dad, couldn’t you have given me a better name then video?”
I always called it the “fast nut” but okay
What is it called when a writer is sick of writing?
Yesterday I went to the theater to see a show called “The Dictionary”.
My wife called me a sex machine
Well, her exact words were, “You’re a fucking tool” but I knew what she meant.
I put on 30 jackets all on top of each other. Someone called and asked if I was coming out, I said sorry I can’t...
My friend called me in a panic and shouted, “An evil wizard turned me into a tiny harp! I don’t know what to do!” Frantically, I drove all the way to his house only to find out...
...he’s really a big lyre.
I used to be in a band called 'Missing cat'
You probably saw our posters
What's it called when your mothers sister is upset?
So I was talking to my mom at dinner, and she was saying how she talked to her friend right before, so she told me “I called Ryan earlier...”
Confused, I said “Why’d you call him earlier when his name’s Ryan??”
I finally got the Covid vaccine yesterday and as I was driving I noticed my vision was blurry. I called the vaccination center and asked if I should go to the doctor or hospital. They said no.
But they encouraged me to immediately return to the vaccination center to pick up my glasses.
If Hitler created a video game, what would it be called?
In a world where people with superpowers make up 1% of the world population, people with two make up 1% of that 1%. These people born with two superhuman abilities are called squares.
Squares are raised to a second power.
Some guy just called me a 'Tool'.
So, I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend.
A soldier is called in to speak to a sergeant...
The sergeant says: "I didn't see you today in the camouflage test"
"That's the idea, Sergeant"
One of these days HR is gonna get called...
Talking amongst the office about current events and the Matt Gaetz scandal came up.
Coworker "An older guy in power taking advantage of young women? That's a tale as old as time..."
Me "From what I've seen the tail wasn't even 18..."
A group of kids is called.....
A secret society of pranksters is called illuminaughty
To understand this pun you need to know that the book in the first photo is called Apolodor
I've started a new band called "Blanket'
What is sun tzu’s cookbook called?
I'm going to tell my kids that farting is called...
Why was the character from Adventure Time called Flame Princess and not...
What do you called back strap cooked in the oven with a cbd oil glaze?
Yesterday, my friend was called an octopus cube.
You can probably guess he was aghast.
Somebody just called me average.
Started a band called 999 megaybtes
We still havent gotten a gig
Why were the police called to McDonalds?
The place got burger-larized!
My math teacher called me average...
I'm disappointed this Bible for the blind isn't called "The Holy Braille"
I went into the kitchen this morning and there was a "Get better soon" card on the table for me. I called out to my wife asking what it was for because I wasn't sick.
She shouted back from the other room "It's an ultimatum."
I started a band called "Blanket"
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