Currently writing a screenplay for a show called Pun: The Musical.
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︎ Jul 31 2020
I'm writing a new Broadway show called "Puns"
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︎ Apr 25 2015
There's this planet, where the pointy-haired natives never smile, never crack a joke,
except every seven years, when all they do is word play.
It's called Pun Farr.
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︎ Aug 19 2016
What do you call a man with a rubber toe?
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︎ May 27 2021
What do you call a man with no vacuum cleaner and itchy underwear ?
Novak Djokovic
(This is my fiancΓ©βs favourite joke he wanted me to share with all of you because he thinks it will make me βReddit famousβ)
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︎ May 21 2021
What do you call a drunk person fumbling with their car keys?
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︎ May 13 2021
What do you call a dog that can do magic?
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︎ May 30 2021
What do you call a caveman that likes to wander aimlessly?
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︎ May 25 2021
My wife called me at work and said βitβs time, the baby is comingβ
I said thatβs impossible, Labor Day is in September!
(New dad of a 3 week old, trying to step into my new role)
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︎ May 01 2021
I'm in a band called Dyslexia....
We've just released our Greatest Shit album.
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︎ May 17 2021
What do you call a Mexican midget?
A paragraph
Because heβs too short to be an Essay
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︎ May 28 2021
What do you call a group of deaf people?
I don't know. But it is definitely not herd.
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︎ Apr 02 2021
What do you call a magician who loses his magic?
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︎ Mar 12 2021
I buy all my guns from a guy who calls himself "T-Rex."
He's a small arms dealer.
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︎ May 18 2021
What do you call a dead musician?
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︎ Jun 01 2021
What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?
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︎ May 22 2021
Perfect for the kids - what do you call a bear with no teeth?!
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︎ Apr 20 2021
What do you call a chameleon that canβt change colors?
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︎ May 09 2021
It can also be called mobile crisis units
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︎ May 20 2021
Scientists have discovered another deadly pathogen they are calling the 'Peekaboo' virus.
Doctor's are sending anyone with Peekaboo, straight to ICU.
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︎ May 10 2021
Did you hear about this new restaurant called Karma?
There's no menu. You get what you deserve.
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︎ May 02 2021
What do you call two guys hanging from your window?
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︎ Jun 01 2021
What do you call a pencil that doesn't work?
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︎ May 10 2021
What do you call a bunch of vegetables standing in a line?
π︎ 93
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︎ May 30 2021
What would you call Ariana Grande if she were taller?
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︎ May 31 2021
What do you call a polar bear in the jungle?
π︎ 7k
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︎ Mar 04 2021
What do you call a factory that makes okay products?
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︎ May 28 2021
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying on your front porch?
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︎ May 27 2021
What do you call a singing computer?
π︎ 381
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︎ May 09 2021
What do you call two young married spiders?
π︎ 1k
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︎ Apr 22 2021
I was thinking about opening a donut shop next to a marijuana shop and calling it....
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︎ May 20 2021
What do you call a ninja with a broken arm?
π︎ 93
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︎ May 30 2021
what do you call a short mother
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︎ May 12 2021
What do you call a typo in a magic spell
π︎ 162
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︎ May 26 2021
What do you call Amsterdam in the afternoon?
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︎ May 20 2021
If Korean pop is called K-pop, what Chinese rap called?
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︎ May 28 2021
Thereβs a new virus out called the Peekaboo virus!
They recommend if you catch it to proceed straight to the ICU.
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︎ May 19 2021
What do you call it when you go to an amateur dentist?
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︎ May 21 2021
Son : "Why is my sister called Teresa?"
Dad : Cause your mum loves Easter and its an anagram."
Son : "Thanks dad."
Dad : "No problem, Alan."
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︎ May 21 2021
What would you call a walking mosquito?
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︎ Mar 15 2021
I call my horse Mayo...
...and sometimes Mayo Neighs
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︎ Jun 02 2021
What do you call a dog who can lift Thor's hammer?
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︎ May 30 2021
What do you call someone who steal energy?
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︎ May 25 2021
So I'm walking down stairs with my 2 year old son this morning when my wife calls from the kitchen...
"Hey, you boys Wahstarving?"
"umm... what?"
"Cause I've got WAHFULLS!"
(She was so proud, a decent dad joke from the mama panda)
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︎ May 28 2021
Why did the policeman think it was ok to enter a residence when he thought he heard bird calls inside?
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︎ May 29 2021
What do you call a bee that cannot make up its mind?
A maybe....
Courtesy of my 5 y/o daughter.
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︎ Apr 05 2021
You call it, and expiration date.
I call it, a spoiler alert.
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︎ May 24 2021
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
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︎ May 26 2021
Who's the genius that decided to call it "Emotional baggage ".....
.....and not "griefcase."
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︎ Apr 19 2021
I just called GameStop Customer Service...
They asked me to please Hold. ππ€²
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︎ Feb 03 2021
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