Currently writing a screenplay for a show called Pun: The Musical.
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︎ Jul 31 2020
I'm writing a new Broadway show called "Puns"
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︎ Apr 25 2015
There's this planet, where the pointy-haired natives never smile, never crack a joke,
except every seven years, when all they do is word play.
It's called Pun Farr.
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︎ Aug 19 2016
What do you call a drunk person fumbling with their car keys?
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︎ May 13 2021
My wife called me at work and said βitβs time, the baby is comingβ
I said thatβs impossible, Labor Day is in September!
(New dad of a 3 week old, trying to step into my new role)
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︎ May 01 2021
I'm in a band called Dyslexia....
We've just released our Greatest Shit album.
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︎ May 17 2021
I buy all my guns from a guy who calls himself "T-Rex."
He's a small arms dealer.
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︎ May 18 2021
What do you call a group of deaf people?
I don't know. But it is definitely not herd.
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︎ Apr 02 2021
What do you call a magician who loses his magic?
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︎ Mar 12 2021
What do you call a chameleon that canβt change colors?
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︎ May 09 2021
Perfect for the kids - what do you call a bear with no teeth?!
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︎ Apr 20 2021
Scientists have discovered another deadly pathogen they are calling the 'Peekaboo' virus.
Doctor's are sending anyone with Peekaboo, straight to ICU.
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︎ May 10 2021
Did you hear about this new restaurant called Karma?
There's no menu. You get what you deserve.
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︎ May 02 2021
What do you call a pencil that doesn't work?
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︎ May 10 2021
What do you call a singing computer?
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︎ May 09 2021
What do you call a polar bear in the jungle?
π︎ 7k
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︎ Mar 04 2021
What do you call two young married spiders?
π︎ 1k
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︎ Apr 22 2021
what do you call a short mother
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︎ May 12 2021
Thereβs a new virus out called the Peekaboo virus!
They recommend if you catch it to proceed straight to the ICU.
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︎ May 19 2021
What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in the middle of the ocean?
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︎ May 16 2021
What would you call a walking mosquito?
π︎ 5k
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︎ Mar 15 2021
What do you call a bee that cannot make up its mind?
A maybe....
Courtesy of my 5 y/o daughter.
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︎ Apr 05 2021
Who's the genius that decided to call it "Emotional baggage ".....
.....and not "griefcase."
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︎ Apr 19 2021
What do you call a cow with no legs?
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︎ May 16 2021
What do you call man who only eats breakfast... a cereal killer
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︎ May 18 2021
I just called GameStop Customer Service...
They asked me to please Hold. ππ€²
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︎ Feb 03 2021
What do you call a Jedi with four eyes?
π︎ 788
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︎ Apr 13 2021
What do you call a retired miner?
π︎ 999
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︎ Apr 03 2021
What do you call an acid thatβs a bully?
π︎ 181
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︎ May 07 2021
What do you call an explosive Frenchman?
π︎ 123
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︎ May 14 2021
What do you call someone who takes pictures of Vietnamese soup?
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︎ Apr 25 2021
What do you call someone who can't stop watching films with strong female leads?
π︎ 10k
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︎ Mar 04 2021
What do you call a rough Italian neighbourhood?
π︎ 209
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︎ May 07 2021
What do you call a policeman in bed
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︎ May 19 2021
What do you call 2 birds stuck together?
π︎ 8k
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︎ Feb 21 2021
I call my horse "Mayo"
And sometimes, Mayo neighs
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︎ May 10 2021
This st or that st?
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︎ May 19 2021
(My Grandma called me just to tell me this one): Why did the farmer bury a lightbulb?
He wanted to grow a power plant
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︎ Apr 23 2021
What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?
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︎ May 16 2021
What do you call a slow underwater missile?
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︎ May 15 2021
I called my wife and asked her if she wanted me to pick up fish and chips on my way home.
She just grunted. I think she regrets letting me name the twins.
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︎ May 05 2021
The guy who invented the umbrella wanted to call it the βBrellaβ
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︎ May 08 2021
My wife called me at work and told me one of our envelopes is giving her an attitude
I told her I will address it when I get home
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︎ May 04 2021
Why is childbirth called delivery?
Shouldn't it be called take out?
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︎ Apr 24 2021
What did Micheal Jackson call his denim store?
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︎ May 15 2021
What do you call someone who is an atheist and has dyslexia
Someone who doesn't believe in dog
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︎ May 18 2021
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car
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︎ May 12 2021
What do you call the first Australian native to ever have a six pack
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︎ May 17 2021
What is it called when everything in your spice cabinet is sad?
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︎ May 14 2021
What do you call a chubby psychic?
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︎ May 01 2021
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