There’s a horse that lives next door to me.

He’s my naaay-bur

👍︎ 3
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👤︎ u/Zeke_Smith
📅︎ Oct 09 2020
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There’s a tool for every job

At work, Gary has to cut holes in sheet metal and has to use a de-burring hook to remove the sharp edges of the cutout. He always catches someone with their guard down and ask to borrow their heater. Gary works inside in a warm clean building, so it’s an odd request.

Their head tilts sideways like a confused dog, and they say puzzled “Heater?”.

Gary replies, “Yeah, your de-BUrRRrRR-ing tool” as he crosses his arms and shivers.

👍︎ 3
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📅︎ Sep 11 2020
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I keep asking people what LGBTQ stands for

Bur I never get a straight answer

👍︎ 668
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📅︎ Jul 19 2019
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Our bedtime conversation

Me: (enormous, burly fart)

Her: My god, that sounds like an animal!

Me: Yeah. It was a butt ox.

👍︎ 65
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📅︎ Dec 24 2019
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Shoe laces

Wife calls me over to the computer.

Wife: Honey, can you take a look at these shoes for our daughter? They are shock cord bur I don't see a tightener. And I dont know if they tie.

Me: Well, maybe they are Vietnamese.

👍︎ 2
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👤︎ u/latherer
📅︎ Aug 05 2019
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I was caught graffiting by the cops

I tried to deny it, bur the writing was already on the wall

👍︎ 5
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📅︎ May 17 2019
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What do you call a tree with no money?

Bur-oak.

👍︎ 29
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📅︎ Aug 08 2017
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