The police arrested my daughter claiming she had burnt our house down.

But it was arson

πŸ‘οΈŽ 367
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/neo-1000
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who burnt down the pants factory?

They say he committed mass jeanocide.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/NobleCentaur
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Burnt my hawaiian pizza today...

Should have cooked it on aloha temperature.

EDIT: Thanks for the awards, y'all!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/user7618
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Just burnt my Hawaiin pizza...

...should have put it on aloha setting.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 43
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Grrrrr... I've just burnt my Hawaiin pizza....

Should have cooked it on aloha heat.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the shoe store that burnt down today?

So many soles were lost

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Aidangf
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
The coffee shop kept samples of burnt coffee as evidence to fire their roaster.

It was used as grounds for dismissal.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/turbodeeznuts
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I was going to tell a joke about burnt steak...

But it’s over-done

πŸ‘οΈŽ 19
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Kazehaya_Kamito
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the lightbulb happy when it burnt out?

It was Delighted!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LeKrispyKreme
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What does a burnt baguette and an unwanted child have in common?

Didn't pull out fast enough.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BigBreadfruit8
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I left my bread dough in the oven too long and I think I burnt it...

It's toast!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night...should’ve put it on aloha setting!
πŸ‘οΈŽ 9k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/lifejourney24
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Whenever I eat burnt toast it makes me feel sick.

I guess I’m just black toast intolerant.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 61
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/theheroofunicycle
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 06 2020
🚨︎ report
A man posted a picture of a burnt chicken he was trying to cook and said

"Burnt 300 Calories today!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SonEf_Adam
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a burnt Asus laptop?

Ashes.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sergio-marquina
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 03 2020
🚨︎ report
why is my pasta 10Β° burnt or the tower is 10Β° leaning?
πŸ‘οΈŽ 27
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AkshatChat28
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Just found out why my toast kept getting burnt

My toaster had pop-up blocker on.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 135
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the cheese factory that burnt down in France ?

De Brie was everywhere

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/darkalan64
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My pizza is burnt, my beer is frozen, and my girlfriend is pregnant...

...I can't pull anything out in time!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 211
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LilHungarian
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I burnt my pancakes today

honestly, they tasted pretty crepe.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SnasUndertable
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I burnt the caramel custard that I was making.

It was time for flan B.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kilokiilo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between an actor and a burnt rodent?

One's Chris Pratt, the other's a crisp rat.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/alex2502
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Her: Why are the potatoes burnt? Me: That’s for tomorrow.

Her: Huh?

Me: Tomorrow is Black Fry day.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 41
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I took my bread outta the toaster earlier and burnt my finger

It was pretty toasty

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/WisemenGaming
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
My kids asked whether you smell burnt toast or burnt popcorn when you're having a stroke

I told them, "It's Different Strokes for Different Folks."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Dadraik
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend's bakery burnt down last night

Now his business is toast

πŸ‘οΈŽ 51
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Neightan
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the ER doctor say when the paramedic brought in a badly burnt patient?

Well done

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/__________willow
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 30 2019
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I had burnt my hand and was arrested

I was charged with unlawful possession of a firearm.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SpiderKnight68
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I burnt about 2,000 calories today

I left the chocolate mud cake in the oven to long

πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/silent_kill2748
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Burnt 1600 calories today.. feeling good!
πŸ‘οΈŽ 25
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sonujohny
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did Richard Nixon say he burnt his steak?

"I'm not a cook."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheMys1
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I burnt my pepperoni pizza today.

I could blame the oven but ultimately it’s salami.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/stefanopolis
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What do call someone with an allergy to burnt bread....?

........blacktoast intolerant,.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 56
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ultra-saurus
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 08 2017
🚨︎ report
Do you think they smell like burnt hare?
πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mrpeanutyeet
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 24 2018
🚨︎ report
I burnt 2000 calories yesterday.

I forgot to take my cake out the oven...

(Yes, all credit goes to Sorted Food)

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JimmyNuggets
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 18 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call burnt bread that can't consume dairy?

Black toast intolerant

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MF62SW
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 12 2019
🚨︎ report
A man was found crying hysterically between the ashes of a burnt forest

He had lost a deer friend in the wildfire

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/impostorbot
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 07 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife told me a cheese factory not that far from our house burnt down to the ground. I went to take a look to see it with my own eyes and she was right..

..all that was left was de brie.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 32
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DeathcampEnthusiast
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 27 2018
🚨︎ report
I was cooking Thanksgiving dinner, and my wife said, β€œThese potatoes are burnt to a crisp!”

I said, β€œIt’s for tomorrow.”

Her: Huh?

Me: Tomorrow is Black Fry day.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 22
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 22 2018
🚨︎ report
The police arrested my daughter claiming she had burnt our house down.

But, it was arson.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 49
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza today

Should have cooked it at aloha temperature

πŸ‘οΈŽ 718
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/doodleR6
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza today.

I should’ve cooked it on aloha temperature...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/GillandersJ
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza

Should’ve cooked it on aloha temperature

πŸ‘οΈŽ 64
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AJ-Naka-Zayn-Owens
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza today...

... Should’ve cooked it at aloha temperature.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 35
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Tackit286
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza today

I should have cooked it at aloha temperature

πŸ‘οΈŽ 29
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/euratowel
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Burnt my hawaiian pizza last night.

Should have put the oven on aloha setting!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Bunit5
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I burnt my Hawaiian Pizza last night.

I could have cooked it at Aloha temperature.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SilverWingsofMorning
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Burnt my Hawaiian pizza today.

Should have cooked it on aloha temperature

πŸ‘οΈŽ 36
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/larrydavid1987
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza

I should have set it at an aloha temperature

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/scooby-dooby-420
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 10 2018
🚨︎ report
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night...

...I should have put it on aloha setting.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ze_batmon
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 19 2015
🚨︎ report

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