How many dead bodies are buried in the average American cemetery?
As a family we couldn't decide whether to have our grandma buried or cremated ...
Saw pile of dirty dishes and my teen buried in her phone…
Hey, if you have time to TEEN, you have time to clean!
She was horrified, but wife was amused. Win win.
Where is Karl Marx buried?
In a communist plot.
(The actual answer is London.)
I want to be buried with my record collection.
That would be my vinyl resting place.
Why is it that nobody who lives within ten miles of Wisconsin's Forest Home Cemetery is allowed to be buried there?
Because they're all still alive!!
I learned something new about cemeteries; the people in its town aren't the ones being buried there. Do you know why?
It's because they're still alive.
When I die, I want to be buried with my wedding ring on.
That'll let God know, that I've been through hell already.
A man got very upset when I buried him in NaCl.
He said my behaviour was insulting.
You know how tombs tend to have money that's buried with their inhabitants?
That's the first cryptocurrency.
My father died and requested to be buried at a specific farm.
He always told us one day he'd be a dead beet Dad.
The folks who live in my town aren’t allowed to be buried in the old cemetery on the edge of town.
Mostly because they’re not dead yet.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Where are dead computer hackers buried?
Did you know there’s a law stating no one living within 5 miles of a cemetery can be buried there?
What do you call a composer that’s dead and buried?
Man: You buried my grandmother in the wrong plot!
Cemetery groundskeeper: I guess you can say I’ve made a grave mistake.
Over the years, my neighbour has buried his deceased pets in his backyard, and to his surprise, a plant has sprung up.
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don’t.” And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can’t be buried here.” I was really confused so I asked why?
He rasped, "Cuz they’re still alive!"
What was the name of the Egyptian that was buried with chocolate and nuts?
I just went to go visit my late grandmother buried in the cemetery, but when I went there I found her dancing!
It was quite the Plot Twist
Why can't a man living in New York be buried in Chicago ?
Did you know that lawyers are buried 12 feet deep when they die?
Apparently deep down they are good people.
Yesterday, I was digging in the garden when I found a buried treasure chest!
I ran inside to tell my wife, but then I remembered why I was digging in the garden...
The crossword fan asked to be buried 6ft down
The buried shoe.
Today I buried my shoe.
May it's sole Rest In Peace.
When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it...
The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.
Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."
He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."
So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."
Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate.
He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."
People tend to be buried underground because...
They feel like it has a deeper meaning.
Want to know why being buried right now would be good?
Because you would be six feet away from everyone
Anyone can be buried after they die...
But if you wanna get cremated, you've gotta urn it.
What did the widow who just buried her fourth husband say?
Another male in the coffin.
My friend Victoria told me she found secret buried treasure.
But she wouldn't tell me under where.
Where do dead cows get buried?
You'll be buried with small pupils if you pass away before dusk.
In most countries, it's common to see Dads mostly buried in the sand of beaches
Except in Mexico. There, they only burritos.
So I was passing by a cemetery with my dad today, and he turns to me and goes, "You know, people living in Denver can't be buried there" and I look at him and ask him "Why?"
He looks at me and says "Because they aren't dead yet".
How will Juice Wrld be buried?
In a Juice box.
(Forgive me if too soon)
"Dad: 'Did you know that all the people who live around here aren't allowed to be buried in that cemetery?'
me: 'Really? why not?'
dad: 'Because they're not dead yet.'
What did the undertaker say when he realized he'd buried the wrong coffin?
I've made a grave mistake
My dad was buried alive...
"Whenever we drive past a graveyard my dad says, 'Do you know why I can’t be buried there?' And we all say, 'Why not?' And he says, 'Because I’m not dead yet!'”
Mao Zedong wasn’t buried
His body lies in a Maosoleum
I had a dream about being buried by vodka bottles after an earthquake!
It was an Absolut nightmare! I am glad to have woken and seen the world and Skyy again...
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don’t.” And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can’t be buried here.” I was really confused so I asked why?
He rasped, "Cuz they’re still alive!"
When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it...
The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.
Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."
He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."
So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."
Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate.
He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."
How many dead people do you think are buried in that cemetery?
Anyone can be buried after they die...
But if you wanna get cremated, you've gotta urn it.
Wanna know why I can't be buried in a cemetery?
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