A buddy of mine named his dog β€œ5 Miles” so he could tell people he walked 5 miles

But today he ran over 5 Miles

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GigaMike123
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
At his wedding, my buddy called me the worst best man he has ever seen.

I was speechless.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is Jesus a great gym buddy?

He'll show you the whey.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thesmartass1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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The real Curdle Buddies
πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kwasiuman
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A buddy asked me how many fish I caught

I told him it's not polite to fish and tell

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/remixclashes
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My buddy said 'There's only one thing about Halloween that scares me.'

I asked, 'Which is?'

'Exactly', he replied.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the drunk say to his buddies as he left the bar?

AL-CO-HOL you later!!

(Stole this from a show dont come for me)

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/whuddupmama
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My buddy was rushed into the hospital after showing decorticate posturing. He woke up and I asked him if he remembered anything.

He said it felt really apalling

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Onechordbassist
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
My buddy Juan and I went to China, and he won a scratcher lotto.

Juan won one yuan.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sister-Physter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
My buddy David has his ID stolen

Now he’s just Dav

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MissouriFred
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My buddy said that it is Chile outside

But I’m pretty sure I’m still in the US

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Onionthe
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Our two buddies Bean and Jack was arrested yesterday for harassing women.

Jack and the Bean stalk.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
🚨︎ report
A buddy of mine likes taking pictures of salmon in clothes

He says he likes shooting fish in apparel

πŸ‘︎ 116
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StAnger99
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
My buddy invited me to go fishing with him.

But when he told me the fish were biting I said, β€œheck no!”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PulkPush
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My gaming buddy who works at Walter Reed told that he knows who the impostor is

He told me he "saw orange vented".

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GasDoves
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
My buddy tried to bribe me

I told them I don't do Paypal

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ebatm3
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My buddy once asked me what it's like to work as a high rise window washer...

I said it has its ups and downs.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uglarinn
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My buddy said he bought an engagement ring for his girlfriend that is too big.

"That's harsh," I told him, "I think she has a great body."

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't know why my fishing buddy is worried about the Coronavirus

He never catches anything

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Two buddies decide to go ice-fishing one day.

So they get their parkas and snow boots, fishing rods and ice auger, and everything else they need, and go out to find a good spot.

Just as they start to drill a hole in the ice, they hear a great booming voice from above: "There are no fish here!"

"What was that?"

"It sounded like the voice of God!"

"Well let's try somewhere else."

They move away a bit, and settle down to try again. But before they can even start to drill, they hear it again:

"There are no fish here!"

So they pack up and move even farther down the ice. Surely this will be a good spot. But just as they pull out the auger, the voice booms out again:

"Listen you guys, I'm the manager of this ice rink, and I'm telling you there are no fish here!"

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeppermintBiscuit
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My buddy Lee asked me if I knew what zero degrees Kelvin was called ...

My response, β€œabsolutely”

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/corefear
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend Pete had a buddy who copied everything he did.

Repete.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jxwtf585
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My buddy said he made a voodoo doll of me

I think he’s pulling my leg

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My buddy just got the new Jeep truck

And he told me that the first thing he did in that truck was perform cunnalingus on his girlfriend.

Frankly, I'm just Gladiator.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
My buddy just told me he needs major surgery: he's having half his intestine removed.

(excuse my grammar that should be a semi-colon)

πŸ‘︎ 131
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
A buddy of mine has a new hobby where he dresses up salmon in tiny outfits and takes pictures of them.

He says its like shooting fish in apparel.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mchead22
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my buddy if he wanted to know what the word β€œthe” was in Spanish. He expressed his disinterest and I responded with...

your los.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rscott1691
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Just finished playing billiards with my buddy in the Middle East when I decided to play a prank on him.

β€œIraq”, I said. Then Iran.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigdickkief
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My archeologist buddy invited me to a party. Apparently the entertainment was looking for leg bones in his backyard.

It was quite the shindig

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chateau512
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my South African buddy if he knew how to make beer.

He said yeah brew

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/forrestree
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad: Years ago I had the opportunity to meet R.E.M., and we even took a picture together with my buddies.

Son: Where are you in the photo?

Dad: That's me in the corner.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jay-ay
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I got a buddy that keeps getting kicked out of bars but he always comes back

Good old Boomer Aang

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a buddy that goes by Marlon by day.

But at night he's Marloff

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/forrestree
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Two Engineering Buddies in an Electrifying Pun Fight
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gaubstopper
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm worried about my homebrewer buddies.

Every time I see them they seem to be ale-ing.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CIMMGW
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My orchestra buddy wanted to bring his fiddle to a protest. I told him not to.

In a peaceful protest, there's no need for violins.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-taco-rice-
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My buddy just moved, so I got him a set of radiators.

It's a house-warming present.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2020
🚨︎ report
My buddy, Evan, just got acquitted of all charges that he was imprinting his face in the foundation of a local housing project.

They couldn't find any concrete Evan dents.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My buddy John gave his size 13 boots to his little brother, Phil. Problem is, Phil wears size 9.

John left large shoes to Phil.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lameguy13
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My buddy's conversation. It took me a minute πŸ˜…
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xLTxMasterThief
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Kelp! I need some buddy.
πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My buddy just installed a new counter top

I just hope he doesn’t take it for granite

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My buddy went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb with him.

He just can’t part with it.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
🚨︎ report
My buddy David had his ID stolen.

I now call him Dav.

πŸ‘︎ 81
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
🚨︎ report

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