I broke my finger last week.
On the other hand, I’m okay.
I broke up with my royal girlfriend...
I broke a finger today.
Well, on the other hand, I'm okay.
One of my friends was really in to fencing until his weapon broke
Apparently now it’s dull and pointless
A burglar broke into my house and I pushed my bookcase on top of him.
My pizza cutter broke so I used a Bryan Adam’s CD.
In college, my roommates and I were so broke that we couldn’t pay our electricity bill.
Those were the darkest days of our lives.
I can’t believe someone broke into my garage and stole my limbo stick!
Like, seriously. How low can you go?
A physician broke his leg while auditioning for a play.
Luckily he still made the cast.
A hitman named Arti was so broke he took a job for $5 and strangled 2 people at the grocery store
The next day the newspaper read "Arti chokes two for $5 at the supermarket"
Sad news fellas, I broke up with my girlfriend Lorraine. She found out I was seeing another girl, Claire Lee. Good news though, I can see Claire Lee now, Lorraine is gone.
A mime broke his left arm in a bar fight and got arrested,
He still has the right to remain silent.
A bartender broke up with her boyfriend
but he kept asking her for another shot.
I just broke my can opener....
It's a can't opener right now !!!
I can’t believe some lowlife broke into my garage. They took my prized possession: my Limbo bar.
I mean how low can you go?
The Weeknd and Wednesday Adams just broke up
They couldn't work out their days together.
My computer broke, and my boss told me to take it to the IT guy
So I went outside and threw it in the sewer
My brother broke his arm at the aquarium
We had to fetch a sturgeon.
I broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years because I found out she was a communist.
I should have known, there were red flags everywhere.
My wife just broke up with me. She's sick and tired of my constant Zodiac puns.
It Taurus apart. I'm in Pisces typing this.
My girlfriend broke up with me after I called her a ginger.
She’s been waiting years for red head redemption.
I Told My Doctor I Broke My Leg In 2 Places
He said not to go to those places again
I broke my leg and had to go on Short Term Disability
It really confused me when HR told me it was a STD.
(This actually happened to me. HR emailed my insurance company telling them that I have a STD injury. Now I use the joke all of the time)
Was so proud of my boys. I just asked them what we should call the can opener that just broke. I’m an instant they said, “A can’t opener?” They will be good dads someday!
A pic for anyone who wants to see it:
https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/lum6ev/so_if_this_is_broken_would_it_now_be_a_cant_opener/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
My girlfriend broke up with me when she walked in on me making out with my personal trainer
She said "This isn't working out."
I broke a key off my keyboard yesterday...
I once got into an argument with a co-worker, who slammed the door so hard when he left, it broke the latch.
Which sucked, because I thought we needed the closure...
A horse broke into my room while I was asleep.
My blonde aunt broke her leg raking leaves.
She fell out of the tree.
True Story. I went to pick up a couple of Italian Beef sandwiches curbside last night and as the runner approached with my order, the sandwiches broke through the gravy soaked paper bag and fell to the ground. She was extremely apologetic and said she would re-bag them for us. But I was livid!
I mean, I did not pay for ground beef.
I am so broke.
I couldn't even pay attention.
My daughter was playing with my computer and she broke the R button and tried to eat it.
I broke two queen CDs earlier...
...now i want to break free
My Russian girlfriend broke up with me
She said "I'm Finnish with you!"
Son: “What crime would I be charged with if I broke into the Capitol and planted a forest?”
Dad: “Well I’m no legal expert, but I suspect there’d be some trees in there.”
I once dated two girls called Edith and Kate. Kate found out and told Edith that I was dating both of them at the same time. They both broke up with me on the very same day!
Moral of the story is you can’t have your Kate and Edith too
I broke up with my boyfriend because I realised he’s a communist
Now that I look back, there were a lot of red flags
I recently broke up with my caterpillar girlfriend.
Someone broke into my house last night and stole my limbo trophy
Thieves broke into my house last night. I'm delighted.
I accidentally used the wrong straw in my wife’s water bottle and broke it. She asked me to show her. I said...
This is the straw that broke the Camelback
My girlfriend broke up with me when she found out I only have 9 toes
She was lack toes intolerant
Every machine in the coin factory broke down all of a sudden without explanation.
It just doesn’t make any cents.
Broke ny finger today
On the other hand i am ok
My brother broke his arm at the aquarium
We had to fetch a sturgeon.
I broke my finger last week.
On the other hand, I'm okay.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places.
He told me to quit going to those places.
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