Canada and Mexico
No one will be crossing the finish line
The racers ran anyways but unfortunately no one crossed the finnish line
They herd you the first time.
Contour
But I think it will work out Indian (In-di-an).
He is now ill-eagle
Nein
No trespassing
Tres passers
But he probably should have made it much longer than that.
They knew that they would eventually get over it.
He was Russian to the Finnish line
Because the sign says no Tres passing.
But it's more correct to say that it borders on Chile.
He really crossed the line this time!
Itβs called Tex-Mechs.
Because itβs bordering on Chile..
Noah fence
The Finnish line π
Because they act like they always herd you.
I said "Yemen!"
They said the robber had a loco-motive.
...does he become trespacito?
The one I already had wasn't bored enough.
Sheβs a little ruff around the edges
hisllamaphobia
...is that they have to buy books on Amazon now :(.
Span-ish
Would he be lookinβ for a Mexican man?
Hosta la vista!
Dad βif I knew ice was worth that much Iβd put more in the fridgeβ
This has been my favorite joke for at least a couple years now.
A man drives train in Bulgaria. One day, he falls asleep driving, and runs over someone walking on the tracks. Well, his case goes to court, and he gets the death sentence for murder. So, he's on death row and the executioner approaches him.
"What would you like for your last meal?"
"I would like a banana please."
The executioner thinks it's weird, but shrugs and gives him a banana. The guy eats his banana, waits awhile, and gets strapped into the electric chair. When the flip the switch, nothing happens! In Bulgaria, an act of divine intervention means you get released.
A few months go by, and the train driver has been working for a new company. Well, old habits die hard, and he falls asleep again, killing 2 people this time. The court has no patience for recklessness, so he ends up on death row again. After awhile, the same executioner from last time approaches him.
"You again? Shit. What do you want this time?"
"Two bananas please."
The executioner shrugs and hands him two bananas. A bit weird, but whatever. There's no way he can cheat death twice! But, when they flip the switch, nothing happens again. The train driver walks a second time.
Some time passes, and the executioner is very busy. After another few months, the same dude shows up, apparently having run over 3 people with a train. Exacerbated, the executioner approaches him for the third time.
"Let me guess. Three bananas?"
"Actually yes! How did you know?"
"Top bad! This has gone on long enough. No more bananas! Today you fry."
So, the train driver gets strapped into the chair with no last meal. But, when they flip the switch, nothing happens again.
"I don't get it," says the executioner. "I didn't let you eat any bananas!"
"Its not the bananas. I'm a bad conductor."
Edit 1: Thanks for my first gold /u/Lhjnhnas!!!
Once you pass the last Lap, you're at the Finnish line.
I'll show myself out...
'Cause they see a sign that reads, No Tres Passing.
The Secretary of da' Fence!
Today, whilst on holiday in Spain, I sent a photo to my dad captioned "loving life, drinking sangria by the pool".
The response: "might want to slow down and just drink it by the glass"
I ran.
I couldn't get my Bering Strait.
He's an ill-eagle immigrant.
... they can call it the freedome.
Should just be called the Finnish Line.
We made it to the finish line.
You snuggle it across. If you cant bear to do that you are borderline insane, its not even against the claw!
A melancholy.
Donald Trumpβs gonna use her for his border wall.
I've been thinking about puns including Border Collies for a while now, but can't really find any apart from some "borderline" puns. Any Ideas, Guys?
In fact, itβs bordering on Chile
The DAN-GERzone.
He went to the border of his city but there was a border line, he went to the coast but there was a coast line, he once asked a girl on a date but there was a date line. They go out on a date and go to a club named βheadβ but there was a βheadβ line, after dancing with his date she says she is thirsty, so being a good date he goes to get a her some punch
But there was no punch line.
That's Crossing the Border
While getting a blood test for our dog the vet explained that she would ring us when the lab-test results came in. To which my dad promptly replied "Why are you running a LAB-test when she is a Corgi?"
Because seven was a registered six offender!
I told her it was border line abuse.
In the not too distant future, web censorship is pervasive; speech and freedom are strangers to one another; while pirates sail the seas with impunity, digital pirates are incarcerated by the busload.
Anyone who speaks out against this ban on open-dialogue or the free-sharing-of-ideas is ground down and hidden away, and the resistance is loosing its will.
A small group of contributors to reddit, huddled together in a bunker beneath barely-waving flags of Snoo, worked tirelessly to repost new ideas from around the internet, to release ideas from their chains, and make speech free ... again!
But it was not to be - a gang of the governments anti-piracy enforcers descended on this, the last bastion of humankind's will to share-freely. Arriving in an armored bus, ten shock-troopers breached the bunker and it looked like the day was lost.
Fortunately for us all, one brave redditor led the collective out a back entrance and they circled to the driveway. This leader told the other redditors to wait in the bushes while he overpowered the one soldier left guarding the transport. There was a flash of movement, a crack from a fallen branch as it struck the guard, and then, stolen keys in hand, the hero revved the engine and told the redditors to pile in.
He had to will himself ignore the gas gauge as he floored the accelerator on the 25,000 pound ticket to freedom - there was only survival or defeat, and nothing in between. Sirens came alive behind him as he rushed for the border to the promised land, to the Free-North.
As the engine begins to cough, the titanic weight of the transport cleaves the barricades asunder and the pursuing vehichles have to hard-brake to avoid skidding beyond their corrupt jurisdiction. Both exhausted and elated, the redditors follow their hero to the freedom promised by their new surroundings ... but their peril is not yet passed.
Though most of the pirate-hunters glower from the south-side of the border, one special agent has crossed over and is speaking with the border guards. The tension is thick. A long-faced guard turns to the newcomers, clearly troubled by what he must do.
"Folks," he says, a pained look on his kindly face, "I'm sorry, to do this, don't cha' know, but I got no choice, eh!"
Confused, the redditors look to one another, and tremble as they notice the agent's smug expression, greedy eyes fixed on the leader of the exodus.
"Look here, now, you are all welcome here, of course, and since speech is free here, we are
... keep reading on reddit β‘News was delivered in a novel way that the Korean War was over and a border was created along the 38th parallel. It was announced via parallelogram.
Why didnβt the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!
Whats green and smells like bacon? Β Kermit the Frogβs finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.
Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? Β Kevin Bacon
If you canβt get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries
Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? A1: Frankenswine A2: Hamlet Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.
Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.
Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon. What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.
What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.
How do they get up there? In pigup trucks. What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.
What would happen if pigs could fly? The price of bacon would go skyrocket.
What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, youβre bacon my heart melt.
What are they warned to watch out for? Pigpockets.
First Carter Page and now Betsy DeVos. Trumpβs cabinet is like a game of six degrees of Kevin Bacon except with Russia.
Everything must be wrapped in bacon, including bacon.
If Kevin Bacon doesnβt whisper βHere comes the Baconatorβ before he has sex all my faith in humanity is lost
Iβll acknowledge Canada Day when they finally acknowledge thatβs not bacon
If Donald Trump really KNOWS the average WORKER then where are the pics of Trump hungover in 7-Eleven buying bacon in sweat pants?
This guy ordered a vegetarian sandwich and then added bacon. It was like watching someone have a mid-life crisis and then find a cool hobby.
If we donβt build a wall on our northern border, theyβll soon be maple syrup & Canadian bacon trucks on every corner.
I signed an Executive Order to make Saturday morning bacon and eggs and pancakes with triple butter and syrup non-fattening.
My bedroom smells like maple, bacon and beaverβ¦because Iβm Canadian.
When the waitress calls you Babycakes you know youβre getting extr
... keep reading on reddit β‘So my daughter was filling out a form that was asking if she has left the country recently. Well, technically she has. She took a canoe trip over the border into a wilderness area.
I told her that since she didn't go to any populated areas or contact any wildlife that she could just say no. She argued and said "Well, i mean i did come into contact with Canadian water and land."
I said, "Well, that's different. You know Canadian water has a different chemical composition, right?"
She just looked at me.
"Yeah, it's H2O A?"
A plane crashed directly on the border of USA and Canada.
Where were the survivors buried?
It's not really funny, but it's one I've heard from my dad. And also English isn't my first language.
Two brothers were going over country border in two cars. The first brother was so drunk that he was crying. The border police stopped him, took his ID and asked him why was he crying. He said that his dad has died, they said their condolences and let him go. Then they stopped his brother, took his ID and saw that they have the same last name. They said their condolences to him and he looked at them like he had no idea what they were talking about. They saw that and asked him if his dad has died and he said 'Yeah but 20 years ago.'
He'd been taking over people's bodies and making them smuggle crack across the border.
He's being charged with possession.
When I was at my fifth grade invention convention, my fried JosΓ© brought his younger brother, who immediately started climbing under the folding tables. I told my dad, "Theres this kid under the tables!" He then replies "What's he look like?" I said, "Well he's JosΓ©'s brother so he's hispanic" My dad thinks for a moment, and then, with the biggest shit-eating grin on his face says "Hispanic kids crawling the tables? I think we're a little north of the border for that"
Q: What is the greeting you use when crossing the border into bear country?
A: Hi, Bear Nation!
Just as we were crossing the border, I look over and see a train crossing the border at the same time as us.
Me: "So if a train is leaving Texas and entering New Mexico, what state is it in?"
Dad: "A state of confusion."
....And I looked up where Sochi was
Me- oh its right on the border of Georgia.
Dad- I didn't know it was so close, hell I've probably been there.
No one will cross the Finnish line
He is now ill-eagle
Thereβs no way we can cross the Finnish line now.
Canada and Mexico...
The Finish line
Because the sign says no tres-passing
Finnish lines?
In fact, it's bordering on Chile
The sign said "No trespassing."
