A blond was sitting at a bar wondering...

why she only has three sisters but her brother has four

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/shdchko
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 10 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
She Was What We Used To Call A Suicide Blond - Dyed By Her Own Hand
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/farrukhsshah
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 15 2019
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Guy used to be in the army. Real good looking guy too. Blond hair, tall, blue eyes. But now tends to sick animals, helping to diagnose and treat them so they can get better.

He's a veteran Aryan.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 15
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/someredditorguy
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 01 2016
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
A blonde goes into a church and asks the minister, "How much does it cost to rent a church singing group?"He said,"Do you mean a choir?"

She said "Fine... How much does it cost to acquire a church singing group?"

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 13k
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/shdchko
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 05 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M Factory?

She threw away all the w's.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 15
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/crazyfortaco
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 26 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
A blonde orders a pizza and the waiter asks if she would like it cut into 6 or 12 pieces.

"6 please. I could never eat 12."

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 9
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/VERBERD
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 18 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Three women were on the run from the law (A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead).

Their car breaks down next to a corn field and they decide to run through it as the law is quickly approaching. They stumble upon a barn. Inside they find three burlap sacks and one of them suggests they should each hide inside one. Shortly after, the sherriff and his deputies arrive at the barn. They notice the three sacks. The sheriff kicks the first one containing the brunette and she says "Meow, meow." "Oh it's just a sack of kittens." One of the deputies says. The sherriff kicks the sack where the redhead is hiding and she says "woof, woof." "That's just a sack of puppies" they say. The sherriff kicks the third sack with the blonde inside and she exclaims "Potato, potato."

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 27
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/wmd1234
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 10 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
So a blonde girl is deciding to be a videogame Youtuber....

After she makes and edits her video she starts to take pictures of her hands. Her mom walks by seeing this and asks "Why are you taking so many pictures of your thumbs?". The blond girl replies " If you want people to watch your YouTube videos you gotta have great thumbnail pictures."

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 7
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Amart1985
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 12 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
I rang my blonde g/f to tell her that I was staying home because I had bronchitis.

She said, "Awww, at least you have company. I wish I had a dinosaur."

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/VERBERD
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 09 2021
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
I was visiting my blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.

She responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.  I said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'  'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' she answered, โ€œThey're watch dogs'!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 39
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/nandos677
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 20 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
What do you call a blonde in a cupboard?

Last years hide and seek champion.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/VERBERD
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 17 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
2 blondes talking. "I had a pregnancy test today" says the first.

"Were the questions hard?" asked the second

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/VERBERD
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 27 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Two blondes walk into a building

Youโ€™d have thought one of them would have seen it...

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 14
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/ThaCrimsonChinn
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 09 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
I got fired from my job at the bank after just one day

A woman asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 14
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/jediwag
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 15 2021
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
I ran into the vets this morning and said to the blonde receptionist, "Quick, I think my daughters hamster is in serious trouble".

"Hamster?" she laughed, "That's a snake".

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 45
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/bertrumeballbasher
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 17 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Did you hear that they're replacing two letters of the alphabet? Instead of T, you have to say "Clowns". Instead of V, you need to say "Jokers". I refuse to use them, but I was singing the alphabet when they changed them, so I have a problem...

Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right, here I am, stuck in the middle with U.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 12
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/wolfyfancylads
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 06 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Escape

A blonde, brunette and a red head escape from prison. While running across a field they hear the guards coming and being tired, the red head suggested hiding in some potato sacks they found.

When the guards reached the sacks one kicked the bag containing the red head, she went meow meow. "Just a sack of kittens" said the guard. Then he kicked the brunettes bag, she went woof woof. "Just a bag of puppies". Lastly he kicked the blondes bag and she went potato potato.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/syhendrickson
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 13 2021
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
the puppy test

Before you let your kids get a puppy, take the Puppy Test.

Best taken in the autumn or mid winter.

  1. Buy a lead and tie it to a big stone, walk around dragging the stone behind you.
  2. Get up at 5am, go out in the pouring rain and walk up and down a muddy path, repeating good girl/boy, wee wees...poo poos, quickly please
  3. Stuff your pockets with plastic bags and pick up all the poo you can find, obviously not your dogs as you have not bought it yet ??
  4. Start wearing your shoes indoors, especially during muddy times
  5. Collect leaves off the ground and spread them on the floor
  6. Carry sticks and branches indoors and chop them up on your carpet
  7. Pour cold apple juice on the rug and floor....walk barefooted over it in the dark
  8. Drop some chocolate pudding on your carpet in the morning and then try to clean it in the evening
  9. Wear socks to which you have made holes using a blender
  10. Jump out of your favorite chair just before the movie ends and run to open the back door
  11. Cover all your best clothes with dog hair, dark clothes with blond hairs and light clothes with dark hairs
  12. Tip all just ironed clothes on the floor
  13. Make little pin holes in all your furniture, especially chair and table legs
  14. When doing dishes, splash water all over the place and don't wipe it.
  15. Spread toilet paper all over the house when you leave the house and tidy up when you get back home
  16. Forget any impulse holidays and/or breaks
  17. Always go straight home after work or school
  18. Go for walks no matter what the weather, and inspect every dirty paper, chewing gum and dead fly you might find
  19. Stand at your back door at five in the morning shouting, "Bring Mr Bumble and Mr Lion in, its raining.โ€
  20. Wake up at 3am. Place a correct size bag of flour on top of yourself and try to sleep, whilst wiping your face with a dishcloth, which you have left next to your bed in a bowl last week.
    Repeat everyday over 6 months and if you still think getting a puppy sounds like a good idea, Congratulations, you might be ready for your kids to get your puppy.
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/specklesinc
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 05 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
What do you call a blonde in a brunette wig

Artificial intelligence

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/tjeters
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 11 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Blonde

A couple were watching the news.

"Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident," said the newscaster.

The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing... "That's horrible!!! So many men dying that way!"

Confused, he says, "Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is always that risk involved."

After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, "How many is a Brazilian?"

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 16
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/hayeshilton
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 20 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
A ventriloquist is performing with his dummy on the lap.

Heโ€™s telling a dumb blonde joke when a young platinum haired beauty jumps to feet, โ€œwhat gives you the right to stereotype blondes that way?โ€she demands. โ€œWhat does hair color have to do with my worth as a human being?โ€

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to stammer an apology

โ€œYou keep out of this! She yells, โ€œIโ€™m talking to that little jerk on your knee!โ€

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 19
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/crazyfortaco
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 20 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Why did the blonde walk into a bank with a bag full of shredded wood?

She wanted to open a shavings account.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 9
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/andersonfmly
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 19 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Trucker's Breakfast

A trucker came into  a Truck Stop Cafรฉ and placed his order with the waitress. He said "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards."

The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?"

"No," the cook said.  "'three flat tires' mean three pancakes; 'a pair of headlights' are two eggs sunny side up; and 'a pair of running boards' are 2 slices of crisp bacon!"

"Oh.. OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.

The trucker asked, "What are the beans for, Blondie?"

She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!"

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 12
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/DrBobShelton_74
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 18 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Why can't a blonde dial 911

She can't find the 11

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/andrizzle86
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 17 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
I went and got some of my hair dyed blonde.

It was the highlight of my day.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 7
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/dunn_with_this
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 17 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevorโ€™s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevorsโ€™s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevorโ€™s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasnโ€™t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

โ€œWellโ€ said Jeff, โ€œAs Iโ€™m sure you know the convention comes to town laterโ€.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

โ€œYes of courseโ€ replied Trevor

... keep reading on reddit โžก

show more
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/ShredderSte
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 07 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Three blonde girls walk into a bar

They were all really bad at limbo

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 14
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/husky_falcon
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 01 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Handy Woman gets a job

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a 'handy-woman' and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch," he said, "how much will you charge me?"

The blonde, after looking about, responded, "How about $50?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage.

The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should; she was standing on it. Do you think she's dumb?"

"No", replied the wife. "I guess I'm guilty of being influenced by all those 'dumb blonde' jokes."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" the husband asked.

"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her.

"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 75
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/hayeshilton
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 01 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Why did the blonde divorcรฉe keep her bullets in the refrigerator?

Because she was told, โ€œRevenge is a dish best served cold.โ€

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 13
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Ashtehstampede
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 28 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
I wasnโ€™t paying attention and poured too much creamer in my coffee

Had a blonde moment

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/SenpaiSusu
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 31 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
What do you call 100 blondes waiting in line?

A Barbie-queue

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 17
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/mitiamedved
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 12 2019
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Blonde: "Doctor, I have pain all over my body. Everywhere I touch hurts".

Doctor: "Your finger is broken".

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/karma-enigma
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 22 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Five blondes walk into a bar

You'd think at least one of them would have seen it

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 311
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/ZombiesAtHome
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 18 2019
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Want to hear a dumb blonde joke?

Too blondes walk into a bar...

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/nathanhouston92
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 19 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
What do you call a line of blonde people?

A barbie queue

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 322
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/DB-Frenzy
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 03 2019
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
A brunette asked her blonde friend why she seemed so sad, she said I'm really upset because my cat lost his tail.

The brunette said, well why dont you take it to Walmart, it's the largest retailer in the world.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 13
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/klmkab04
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 01 2019
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?

Pull the pin and throw it back

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/B-man44
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 30 2019
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Why did the blonde go through a whole bottle of shampoo?

Because the directions said lather rinse repeat.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/shdchko
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 07 2019
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
โ€œMr. Bond, you are turning old and grey. Do you want to colour your hair?โ€

Bond: No time to Dye. Dye another day.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 20
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 25 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
A blonde woman walks past a store window....

A blonde woman walks past a store window. She sees a sign that says "we do not sell to blondes" in the window, but goes in anyways.

She finds an employee and points at a TV and says "I want that TV!". But the employee says "sorry ma'am, we don't sell to blondes."

She decides to go home and try again the next day. She dyes her hair and puts on different clothes. She walks in, finds an employee, points at a TV and says "I want that TV!". But again, the employee says "I'm sorry ma'am, but we don't sell to blondes."

The woman is now very angry. She goes home to try a third time. She cuts her hair, dyed it again, puts on makeup and new clothes, and tries again the next day.

She walks in and finds another employee, points at the TV, and says "I want that TV!". But for a third time, the employee says "ma'am, I'm sorry, but we don't sell to blondes."

At this point the woman is furious. She exclaims, "How did you know I was I blonde?"

The employee calmly answers, "Ma'am, that's a microwave."

((My dad told me this one.))

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 24
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/ElsaFrozen2013
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 25 2019
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Blonde jokes are the best

So a blonde, brunette, and a ginger are running from the cops, they run into a barn, the blonde hides behind a barrel, the brunette hides behind a horse, the ginger hides behind a cow, the cops show up and yell "come out we know you're in there!" The brunette says "neigh neigh," the ginger says "moo moo," the blonde says "barrel barrel."

It's a bit of a basic joke but it makes me chuckle so wanted to share it.๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ‘

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 9
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/gamern1nja2000
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 21 2019
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
A blonde, brunette, and a red-head walk into a bar...

You'd think one of them would have seen it.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 12
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/koravel
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 14 2019
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.