An actual conversation between my wife and my son yesterday.
My wife has been teaching my son to fold his own laundry but he complains about it everytime. My wife, trying to convince my son, said to him "If you pick up this habit, your future wife will love you very much."
My son replied "I don't want my future wife to love me very much. I want my future wife to help me fold my laundry."
I busted out laughing. But the end result is that now I have to fold my own laundry going forward.
What’s the difference between Taxes and Texas?
Taxes can keep your electrical grid operational.
What is the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
What's the difference between a cat and a comma?
One has claws at the end of its paws. The other has a pause at the end of its clause.
When I was young, I was obsessed with the difference between a sine and a cosine.
Later, I realized it was just a phase.
What's the difference between Mordor and the Capital?
One does not simply walk into Mordor
What is the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster that just got a boob job?
One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean
What’s the difference between politicians and flying pigs?
What is the difference between Butt and Butte?
One is the rear of an organism, the other is the rear of Montana.
What is the difference between a teepee and George Michael’s toupee?
One’s a wigwam, one’s a Wham! wig.
What's the difference between French fries and orange juice?
You can make orange juice out of orange, but not French fries out of French
What's the difference between a Rabbit and a Hare?
One is hare-ier than the other!
Dating between carbon descendants
What's common between a GIRL and HITLER..?
Both removed POLISH with chemicals
What's the difference between a mosquito and a fly?
A mosquito can fly but a fly can't mosquito.
My 11 year old daughter told me this one this evening lol.
What is the difference between a radius and a diameter?
What’s the difference between a lousy trashy stand up comedian, and a father making jokes about pens?
One is bad at telling dick jokes, the other is dad at telling Bic jokes.
What's the difference between a boy clock and a girl clock?
A boy clock goes "tick tock, tick tock, tick tock" and a girl clock just tocks...and tocks...and tocks.
What’s the difference between milk and yogurt?
Yogurt comes from a more sophisticated culture.
What did the footballer's girlfriend think when she saw him standing between some goal posts?
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef!
>!Not everyone can pea (pee) soup!!<
What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?
The people in Dubai don't like The Flintstones, but the people in Abu Dhabi do.
What's the difference between a cow and a moose?
A cow always moos but a moose never cows
what's the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew a light bulb
My wife has been taking a course in advanced electrics and it's taken over her life. Everything she says these days concerns resistors, transformers, circuitry, voltage, ampage etc. All fucking day long, I've tried explaining to her it's driving a wedge between us, but she won't listen to reason.
She just buries her head in the sand like an off switch.
What's the difference between AM and FM?
A detective showed up at my house and asked me where I was between 5 & 6
What's the difference between Mike Wazowski and a carrot?
One's a funny beast and the other is a bunny feast.
There are lesser known biological differences between men and women.
There's actually a vas deferens.
my wife said I had to choose between my two expensive hobbies: gardening, or audiophile
I agonized over the choice before realizing it was quite simple.
but of course, bose before hose!
What's the difference between a enzyme and a hormone?
You can't make a enzyme...
What's the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn't beat cancer
What’s the difference between “but” and “butt”
What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly-dressed man on a bicycle?
What's the difference between a rock thrown at you and a crazy girlfriend?
It doesn't hurt when the rock misses you.
What’s the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
One requires tweetment and the other requires oinkment.
The sailors were exploring the waters between the cliffs of the inlet.
It was the fjord expedition.
What's the difference between a vacation and metal earplugs?
One is o-cation-al and the other is quiet off tin.
Whats the difference between me and America?
America found their Father
My buddy and I used to be Marijuana dealers and we always split our profits evenly between us.
What's the difference between a Harley Davidson and a vacuum cleaner ?
The position of the dirt bag
What’s the difference between my wife and a lightbulb
You can unscrew a lightbulb
What’s the difference between someone going to prison and a guy who has a mobile knife sharpening business?
One gets incarcerated, the other is in-car-serrated
What is the difference between a cat and a comma?
One has claws at the end of its paws, while the other is a pause at the end of a clause.
What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?
One is a crusty bus station, the other is a busty crustacean.
What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo
One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter
What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
You can't hear an enzyme...
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