What did the bear say when he called customer service?

Just bear with me here.

👍︎ 10
💬︎
👤︎ u/ezpzbtw
📅︎ Jun 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was Frodo invited to wedding?

Because he was the ring bearer!

👍︎ 14
💬︎
👤︎ u/belac4862
📅︎ Dec 16 2019
🚨︎ report
[request] Train pun for birthday message.

Trying to write a nice birthday message to my grandfather who is turning 80 and loves Trains. Any suggestions?

👍︎ 3
💬︎
👤︎ u/crompyyy
📅︎ Mar 15 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad, Paul, was interviewed for the union magazine where he works. I feel sorry for the guy who interviewed him.

Here's a scanned excerpt, via Imgur.

Transcript (Important part in boldface):

Extremely pragmatic and frugal in nature -- "a lot of stuff I see people buying is completely nonessential" -- Paul has a soft spot for absolutely any joke, and the more esoteric, the better. Instead of his proper name on his office template, "The Buck Stops Here" appears. The other day, he stopped me in the hallway and asked "What will the people carrying the coffin at my funeral be called?"

I wait.

"Paul bearers", he declares, followed by a knee-slapping hearty guffaw.

EDIT: Fixed Imgur link.

👍︎ 331
💬︎
📅︎ Nov 06 2016
🚨︎ report
The Pundits - Part 1

A quaint little men's class,

a few with class,

some smelling of a gin glass,

some with eyes of a lass,

the remainder eyeing a lad,

but all glad,

and all present,

youngster of the present,

bearders of the crescent,

readers new testaments,

preachers of old testaments,

bearers of saffron tenets,

wearers of white tints,

weird lovers of croissant,

well, all here, will all hear?

we never know,

lets look at the show

 

The English teacher, said,

"how to drink a juice?"

i know, said bart the bartender,

"with vodka and chicken tender"

the weirded beardo now angry,

showed he was a shouter,

wanted to be a bart-ender,

while shushing the crowd,

use a pipe, piped up a voice, loud,

"huh" exclaimed preacher pastor,

"no smoking" he said, showing a guilty fluster ,

"no sir" said the voice,

I'm extra maker,

spoke the voice quicker,

Mr.White scratching head,

"I'm an ex-straw maker",

the air cleared.

 

Proceeding further, Teacher continued,

the class was listening, eyes glued,

"etiquette is important" he said,

"wear napkin before eating",

their faces changed,

pulse now beating,

Mr.White said, "sir, we don't bleed",

an irritated saffron Sundar spoke,

"if you bleed, education you don't need"

the English sir, now a sundered bloke,

calmed the masked fish market,

as his God's fate chisel hammered,

"Do you know how to fork?" he stammered,

a brief silence, and too many whispers later

"I Pen is use sir", said a bright face,

"Do you know how to use a fork?" he corrected,

with damage now done, Silence resumed.

 

>ThePundits

👍︎ 2
💬︎
📅︎ Jan 30 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a construction worker who carries bricks to a cemetery?

A builder-bearer

👍︎ 3
💬︎
📅︎ May 25 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad, the master of subtle dad jokes

Me: I would love to have a dog as a ring bearer it would be so cute!

Dad: A dog as a ring bearer?? Psh! That sounds impawsible!!

He always manages to get me somehow..

👍︎ 3
💬︎
📅︎ May 27 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.