He took a break, he couldn't bear it.. he was cranky, tired and exhausted.
Surrounded by his son, his twin daughters and a haggard-looking nurse who looked about ready to end it all if only she could find the bloody switch, he was finally breathing his last.
His son, who loved him dearly and wasn't at all sure if he had been cut out of the will or not, burst into tears at the plight of a man who would look more at home in a red woolly outfit than he ever could in drab, white linen.
"I do not wish to die today, Anthony", he intoned fixing his gaze slightly above his son's left shoulder, "there is something you must do to save me."
"Tell me what to do dad, I can't bear to look at you this way", cried Anthony.
"There is a land, not far from here, where no one ever dies. It is not for dying you see. That is where I must go."
"Where is this place father? Tell me, and I shall take you to it."
"Take me there now", he said faintly as if in great pain, "Take me to, The Living Room."
They were trying to get the Nazi war machine to grind to a halt
"Off course."
They were going into Kodiak arrest
Hello all, what are some good bear puns/punny jokes, aside from the unbearable?
The problem with bears as a pun topic is that there are only 6 possible puns and most of them are stretches.
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bear double meaning with tolerate
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pandanother thing
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grizzly double meaning with horrific
4)kodiak double meaning with camera
5)koalalifications
6)and Ursidae the family classification can be shortened to sound like ursa and be used instead of "or so" like in the phrase "or so i was told".
Coworker found a loophole and it’s mostly dressed as a bear. I’ve used all my bear puns! Help me make more! Work at a gas station/pizza place
Funniest horse puns and jokes
A white horse walks into a pub and asks for a whisky. The landlord says: “Hey, we’ve got a whisky named after you.” The horse replies: “What, George?”
A horse trudges slowly into a pub and orders a drink. “Evenin’” says the barman, “why the long face?”
A horse walks into a smart cocktail bar. The doorman says: “Wait you can’t come in here without a tie.”The horse goes out to his car, looks in the boot and gets a set of jump leads, which he ties around his neck.He goes back in and says to the barman: “This alright?” The barman says: “Hmm, ok… but don’t be starting anything.”
A poorly-looking horse limps into a bar with a bandage round his head. He orders a glass of champagne, a vintage brandy and two pints of Guinness. He downs the lot and says to the barman: “I shouldn’t really be drinking this with what I’ve got?” “Why, what have you got?” “About £2 and a carrot.”
Which side of a horse has more hair? The outside What’s a horse’s favourite TV show? Neighbours
A racehorse owner takes his horse to the vet. “Will I be able to race this horse again?,” he asks The vet replies: “Of course you will, and you’ll probably win!”
Did you hear about the depressed horse? He told a tale of whoa!
A dead horse walks into a bar and orders a whisky.
“I’m sorry, sir,” says the barman. “We don’t serve spirits..
A talking horse walks into a bar and approaches the manager. “Excuse me, good sir,” the horse says, “are you hiring?” The manager looks the horse up and down and says, “Sorry, pal. Why don’t you try the circus?” The horse nickers. “Why would the circus need a bartender?”
Did you hear about the man who was hospitalized with six plastic horses inside him? The doctor described his condition as stable.
What did the horse say when it fell? “I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”
Q. What does it mean if you find a horseshoe? A. Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.
A man rode his horse to town on Friday. The next day he rode back on Friday. How is this possible? The horse’s name was Friday.
Why did the pony have to gargle? Because it was a little horse!
What did the horse say when it fell? I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!
What did the teacher say when the horse walked into the class? Why the long face?
What do you call a horse that lives next door? A neigh-bo
... keep reading on reddit ➡A gummy bear.
Because they don't have the right koalafications!
Bear1: “Man, my stomach is all tied up in knots.”
Bear2: “I told you not to swallow that boy-scout whole.”
They're both koala-tea-seals!
Cut a hole in the ice, then line the hole with peas. When the polar bear goes to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole!
B
Now what do I do about the rest of the animal?
...because he was already stuffed!
None, they have bear feet.
Who buys gummy worms hoping they’d taste as close to real worms as possible?
Pandamonium
It could mean "please be patient" or the "heist at the zoo" was successful.
I'll be down in a minute I'm bearly dressed
They are bi polar bears.
It get polaroids
The golfers didn't want to bear with him about the whereabouts of Tiger Woods and ran towards another bearing.
A Pan-duh
He ended up bipolar.
Trying to think these up has been unbearable
The bear says to the bartender, “I’ll get a whiskey and a....... A beer.”
The bartender says, “Sure man, but what’s with the big pause?”
The bear would reply, “I don’t know, man. I was born with them.”
A gummy bear
A gummy bear
A gummy bear (Courtesy of my brother)
Because they don't have the koalafications.
A gummy bear
Lost.
