What did the Reddit user say after setting a bomb in a bank?

Wow! This blew up! Thanks for the gold!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sett_Main
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2021
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A pastor, a priest, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank, and the nurse asks what blood type they are.

The rabbit says, β€œI’m probably a Type-O”

πŸ‘︎ 618
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rmath12
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
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A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.

He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mama_Bear15
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
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A bank is a place which will loan you money...

....if you can prove you don't need it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2021
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The nurse at the sperm bank asked if I wanted to masturbate in the cup

I replied: I know I am pretty good, but I don’t think I’m ready to compete just yet

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JayCola93
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
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So my mate was at a fancy dress party dressed as a bank vault.

I said: ''I thought you were coming dressed as an apology?'' He said: 'Well, I thought I'd better be safe than sorry''.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nathanlloyd
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2021
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A gang of outlaw cows rob a bank and flee..

The police track them to a motel, but can't narrow it down further. They call the judge and he writes out a warrant to search room #8 at the motel. Police break down the door and arrest the gang of cows with the stash.

Later the police captain calls the judge, "Your honor, how did you know where the gang would be hiding?"

Judge says, "It's easy Captain. Cows always room in 8".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LateralAxes
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
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Why did the bank manager close the door?

To stop the bank draft

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Big_Science2860
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
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A robber breaks into a bank

When he arrives he sees the security guard at his desk, sobbing

β€œI c-can’t believe the boss forgot my b-b-birthday”

Seeing this opportunity, the thief sneaks round to the back steals the security codes and goes to access the vault.

Unfortunately for the thief, the head of the bank was busy giving a tour to some possible investors and is at the vault.

Upon seeing the thief (who is stupidly dressed in horizontal black and white stripes) he exclaims, β€œHOW DID YOU GET PAST MY SECURITY!!?!”

To which the thief replies, β€œYou let your guard down”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheNewMadMan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2021
🚨︎ report
What is a piggy bank made of?

Porkelain

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KeifEriksson
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2021
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England doesn’t have a kidney bank

But it does have a Liverpool.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/severus_snape9
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
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I got fired from my job at the bank today. An old lady asked me to check her balance...

...so I pushed her over.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jimjimjimjim69
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
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What fruit do robbers bring to the bank?

Bang-nanas.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/3Zkiel
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
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A one legged man walks into a bank

and tells the banker im here to check my balance

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fku208
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
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Jay Leno went to Morgan Freeman’s house and had a lot of drinks. Leno suddenly started to urinate on Freeman’s carpet. Freeman was furious and ran after him as he kept on urinating. The banker next door saw the whole thing and decided to start a bank...

Kids, that is the true story of how Jay-pee-Morgan-chase was named

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πŸ‘€︎ u/damilalam
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you cancel an appointment at the sperm bank ?

Just phone them up and say, "I can't cum. "

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
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Why couldn't the skeleton rob the bank?

It didint have the guts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hmmm_er
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2021
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I want to train a dog to make bank deposits

Training them to make withdrawals just seems a bit too far fetched.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/General-Nonsens3
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2021
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I invested in a bank that gave 0% interest.

It made no cents.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Send666Nudes
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
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What does a worker at the Irish sperm bank say after you are finished?

Tanks fo' nut'in

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Matjesfiletmayo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
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What is written by the exit to the sperm bank?

Thanks for coming!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Negalugh
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
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Why did Gilbert O'Sullivan go to the bank

A loan again, naturally.

My dad just came out with this on the sofa, not sure if he read it elsewhere but all the same he's very chuffed with himself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ssolarprincess
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
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If you rob a Russain bank

You get Putin jail

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πŸ‘€︎ u/buttengine
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
🚨︎ report
A man in Yorkshire, England forgot about his appointment at the sperm bank.

When he finally arrived, the person at the desk told him, β€œEjaculate”

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
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Why did the football player go to the bank?

To get his Quarter Back!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Avahlkyrie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
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So this bank robber I know brings a bathroom scale with him to every heist.

He always gets a weigh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VictorStrawn
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2021
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Did you hear about the new socialist bank?

It’s called Das Kapital One

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kevinh456
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Our coach came storming into the bank.

He said he wanted his quarter back.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
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The genie asked, "What’s your first wish?" Steve replied, "I wish I was rich!" The genie nodded and said, "What’s your second wish?"

Rich exclaimed, "I want lots of money!"

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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Why is the doctor at the blood bank picky about her dates?

She has A type

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cresendo77
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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A man walks into a sperm bank

The doctor says "would you get a load of this guy?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/baconlover09
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
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What do you call a scandinavian bank robbery?

An H-ice-t

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πŸ‘€︎ u/taken-_-already
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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The bank want to repossess my tree house. They say I haven't kept up my mortgage payments....

I'm convinced it's a mix up from when I moved branches.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
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A midget who was a fortune teller robbed a bank

The call went out that a small medium was at large

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EndymionMM
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the Reddit user say after detonating a bomb in a bank?

Edit: Wow, this blew up! Thanks for the gold kind stranger!

Edit: Credit to r/Teenagers for this

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ustydud
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
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What did the tree do when the bank was closed?

Started its own branch.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Imholt11
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do bank robbers hate electricity?

Because of the copper in the wires.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yotamgosh
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
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Good news from the bank!

They say I have outstanding loans!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
I recently got fired from a bank teller position when asked to check a client’s balance.

I pushed them over.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ncumer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
🚨︎ report
A monk, a priest, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.

Rabbit says β€œI think I’m a type O”

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/B1RDS-ARENT-REAL
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
🚨︎ report
A Frog and a Bank Loan

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.

The frog says $30,000.

The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.

Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bstie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
🚨︎ report
A Frog and a Bank Loan

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.

The frog says $30,000.

The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.

Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone"

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bstie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
🚨︎ report
I got fired from my job at the bank after just one day

A woman asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jediwag
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
🚨︎ report
A priest an imam and a rabbit walk into a blood bank

The rabbit says, "I think I might be a type O."

πŸ‘︎ 108
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SnooRobots9182
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/l1r2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report
What does it say on the exit door to the sperm bank?

Thanks for coming......

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_I-Have-A-Plan_
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
🚨︎ report
I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance

So I pushed her over.

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
A priest a minister and a rabbit walk into a blood bank

The rabbit says I think I'm a type-o

πŸ‘︎ 76
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tjeters
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.

The rabbit says, β€œI think I might be a type O.”

πŸ‘︎ 150
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PatriotASR
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report

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