[Request] Need a terrible terrible just god awful pun
My girlfriend bet me I couldn't find a pun so bad that she'd tell me to shut up and fuck off and die. Naturally I want to prove her wrong. Any and all help is appreciated
Can't berr this awful pun
Complimented a friend on her musical knowledge today...
Me:
> I don't know how you find the time to listen to so many bands.
She replied:
> Yeah, I just have a lot of bandwidth.
Normally, I'm the one with the awful puns. I paused, saw her grin, and had to high five her.
I’ve got this awful disease where I can’t stop telling airport jokes
My doctor says it’s terminal.
[At dinner] Her: I think we need to break up. For starters, I’m sick of your awful jokes at the worst times.
Me: Ok, and for the main course?
Awful dad jokes and puns...
did nt have enough karma for okbr so it goes here (that's why its just awful)
I tried street tacos for the first time and man they were awful
They tasted like asphalt!
You’re Awful
As in you fill me with awe
"Dad I'm hungry!"
"Hi hungry, I'm-"
son shoots him in the heart before he can finish the awful line
with his dying breath "Hi hungry, I'm dead!"
Ngl, it’s kinda hard sometimes to have a penis
Making my morning rounds in hospital when I ask a patient how his breakfast was. "The eggs and sausage were fine, but the Kentucky Jelly was awful," he replied. "What 'Kentucky Jelly'?" I ask.
Then he shows me the empty packet of KY Jelly had smeared all over his morning toast.
The guy running my town is awful. He doesn’t respond to phone calls because he only works after dark.
He’s a total night mayor.
My love for my wife is like the national debt.
It's enormous. It seems likes it's been around forever. It is growing every day. It's something that will be passed onto our children and grandchildren.
What do you get when you combine an awful hair style and a singer?
I went to the record store and bought a new album. It was awful...
I tried to get a refund. But I couldn't get my NickleBack.
I own the world worst theasaurous. Not only is it awful...
What did the drill sergeant say to the first day recruits?
It’s awfully drafty in here!
Awful taste but great Exeggutor (Execution)
Where my marine biologists at?
2 dolphins are swimming in the ocean. First dolphin says, "hey remember the other day when you had those cinnamon tictacs? Those were delicious. Can I get one?" Second dolphin says, "Aw man, I would but I lost them. We should totally look for them." First dolphin says, "I echo your cinnamints"
What did the oyster cleaner say when his colleagues threw him a party?
My pet crow is awful at poker...
Not all Math puns are awful.
Driving down the road, listening to Disney songs. I look in my rear view mirror. My two-year-old is grooving. I ask her, "Aw, are you dancing?" And she replies,
My dog was acting a bit angry since I took him to the vets and get him neutered
But I’m not worried, since he doesn’t have the balls to do anything
Guys, I know why 2020 been so awful.
If we ever get to 2021. I will be endlessly talking people that `2020 is hindsight` and the sear terribleness of this pun got all god and Eldridge abominations to band up and try to end humanity before that happens. With this, earthly insight, I decided that everyone must be informed of the pun. It is, my and I can't die peacefully knowing it has not laid its mark on a mortal soul
Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it was stuck in a crack.
Did you know that Gandhi never wore shoes? And due to his fasting he was very weak and had awful breath?
He was a super-fragile-calloused-mystic-hexed-by-halitosis
Aw this a while back and thought I’d recreate it
Teacher: Use the word ‘intermittent’ in a sentence.
I said: While I was camping it began to rain hard so I ran intermittent.
I have this idea for a takeaway restaurant which just sells dairy
Stop making awful new years jokes
Seriously, I've heard them for the entire decade so far.
I'm still torturing my daughter with awful jokes
Awful dad joke no one will get this
Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees?
Because they're so good at it.
My mom told really an awful joke about concrete:(
I’ve got this awful disease where I can’t stop telling airport jokes
My doctor says it’s terminal
I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes.
I think it may be terminal
I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes
My doctor says it terminal
I have this awful disease where I can’t stop telling airport jokes.
My doctor says it’s terminal.
I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes.
My doctor says it's terminal.
I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes.
The doctor says it's terminal.
I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes
my doctor says it's terminal
I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes
The doctor says it's terminal
I have an awful illness where I can’t stop telling airport jokes...
... My doctor says it’s terminal.
[At the restaurant] Her: This isn’t working out between us. For starters, I’m sick of your awful jokes.
Me: Ok, and for the main course?
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