[Request] Need a terrible terrible just god awful pun

My girlfriend bet me I couldn't find a pun so bad that she'd tell me to shut up and fuck off and die. Naturally I want to prove her wrong. Any and all help is appreciated

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
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Can't berr this awful pun
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirSludge
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2018
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Complimented a friend on her musical knowledge today...

Me:

> I don't know how you find the time to listen to so many bands.

She replied:

> Yeah, I just have a lot of bandwidth.

Normally, I'm the one with the awful puns. I paused, saw her grin, and had to high five her.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rand486
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2015
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I’ve got this awful disease where I can’t stop telling airport jokes

My doctor says it’s terminal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/christiescrubbs
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
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[At dinner] Her: I think we need to break up. For starters, I’m sick of your awful jokes at the worst times.

Me: Ok, and for the main course?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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Awful dad jokes and puns...

That's how eye roll

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πŸ‘€︎ u/flippantteacup
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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did nt have enough karma for okbr so it goes here (that's why its just awful)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maxixe007
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
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I tried street tacos for the first time and man they were awful

They tasted like asphalt!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/12mpclark
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
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You’re Awful

As in you fill me with awe

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThatSlipperySeal
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
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"Dad I'm hungry!"

"Hi hungry, I'm-"

son shoots him in the heart before he can finish the awful line

with his dying breath "Hi hungry, I'm dead!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ExtraSure
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2021
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Ngl, it’s kinda hard sometimes to have a penis
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tooting-Orca
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
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Making my morning rounds in hospital when I ask a patient how his breakfast was. "The eggs and sausage were fine, but the Kentucky Jelly was awful," he replied. "What 'Kentucky Jelly'?" I ask.

Then he shows me the empty packet of KY Jelly had smeared all over his morning toast.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
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The guy running my town is awful. He doesn’t respond to phone calls because he only works after dark.

He’s a total night mayor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
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My love for my wife is like the national debt.

It's enormous. It seems likes it's been around forever. It is growing every day. It's something that will be passed onto our children and grandchildren.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hoetted
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
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What do you get when you combine an awful hair style and a singer?

A Perry Comover

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hawkeye18
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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I went to the record store and bought a new album. It was awful...

I tried to get a refund. But I couldn't get my NickleBack.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jolly2284
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
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I own the world worst theasaurous. Not only is it awful...

But it's awful

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πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
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What did the drill sergeant say to the first day recruits?

It’s awfully drafty in here!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JackWebber85
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
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My friend wrote this book. It’s awful of puns. amazon.com/dp/1097511723/…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/masterchiefpetty
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
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Awful taste but great Exeggutor (Execution)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mikehosy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
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Where my marine biologists at?

2 dolphins are swimming in the ocean. First dolphin says, "hey remember the other day when you had those cinnamon tictacs? Those were delicious. Can I get one?" Second dolphin says, "Aw man, I would but I lost them. We should totally look for them." First dolphin says, "I echo your cinnamints"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GanglyTeeters
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
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What did the oyster cleaner say when his colleagues threw him a party?

Aw shucks

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AndrewMacSydney
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2021
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My pet crow is awful at poker...

All he does is caw.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Simounstar
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
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Not all Math puns are awful.

Just sum.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
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Driving down the road, listening to Disney songs. I look in my rear view mirror. My two-year-old is grooving. I ask her, "Aw, are you dancing?" And she replies,

"I'm Avery."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TuLongDong
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
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My dog was acting a bit angry since I took him to the vets and get him neutered

But I’m not worried, since he doesn’t have the balls to do anything

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tetrahedral_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
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Guys, I know why 2020 been so awful.

If we ever get to 2021. I will be endlessly talking people that `2020 is hindsight` and the sear terribleness of this pun got all god and Eldridge abominations to band up and try to end humanity before that happens. With this, earthly insight, I decided that everyone must be informed of the pun. It is, my and I can't die peacefully knowing it has not laid its mark on a mortal soul

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πŸ‘€︎ u/greenflame15
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
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Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?

Because it was stuck in a crack.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/daashaina
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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Did you know that Gandhi never wore shoes? And due to his fasting he was very weak and had awful breath?

He was a super-fragile-calloused-mystic-hexed-by-halitosis

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uchi_mata18
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
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Aw this a while back and thought I’d recreate it
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πŸ‘€︎ u/voodooking4400
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2018
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Teacher: Use the word β€˜intermittent’ in a sentence.

I said: While I was camping it began to rain hard so I ran intermittent.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/El_Sidgio
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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I have this idea for a takeaway restaurant which just sells dairy

I call it whey-to-go

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πŸ‘€︎ u/humanbeingahuman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
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Stop making awful new years jokes

Seriously, I've heard them for the entire decade so far.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lyreoz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2020
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I'm still torturing my daughter with awful jokes

http://imgur.com/a/fKQmM

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πŸ‘€︎ u/geoffevans
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2016
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Awful dad joke no one will get this

Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees?

Because they're so good at it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cowmancowman
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
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My mom told really an awful joke about concrete:(

Cement it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/strychinine
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
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I’ve got this awful disease where I can’t stop telling airport jokes

My doctor says it’s terminal

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πŸ‘€︎ u/schiggy182
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes.

I think it may be terminal

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
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I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes

My doctor says it terminal

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πŸ‘€︎ u/torrenter_11
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
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I have this awful disease where I can’t stop telling airport jokes.

My doctor says it’s terminal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/s_tormbringr
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
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I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes.

My doctor says it's terminal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
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I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes.

The doctor says it's terminal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
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I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes

my doctor says it's terminal

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πŸ‘€︎ u/growupyall
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
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I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes

The doctor says it's terminal

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bgreenwood95
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2019
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I have an awful illness where I can’t stop telling airport jokes...

... My doctor says it’s terminal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyktic
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
🚨︎ report
[At the restaurant] Her: This isn’t working out between us. For starters, I’m sick of your awful jokes.

Me: Ok, and for the main course?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report

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